I always feel that no matter which choice I make, there will always be regrets.
"Sister, are you talking about the person in Nanyuan?" Gu Ruoyuan asked tentatively, and understood after seeing the other party nodding, "But has sister really thought clearly about this person? Is this person reliable? If he is unreliable in the future, wouldn't it be? …”
This is what Gu Ruowan is most worried about. If she goes to a foreign country, the only person Chu Xin can rely on is that man. If the man is unreliable, what should she do?
"Yeah, I'm worried about this just like Ruowan." Chu Shu is also the same. "But I know that my sister can't let him go. If I miss him, I'm afraid she will always remember him."
"I know you two are worried, but I don't want to separate here. He will go back to Beiqi next spring. Maybe I will never see him again in this life, and my heart will be half empty."
Chu Xin touched her heart, feeling a little painful at the thought of never seeing him again.
"If my sister really can't give up, then she might as well be bolder and take a gamble."
Chu Shu said tentatively, she knew Chu Xin best and knew how much the other party cared about him.
Chu Xin lowered her head and said nothing. She felt that her heart was in chaos. Every time she mentioned this matter, she would always fall into an endless cycle of chaos, not knowing what to choose.
Maybe you have to make a choice before you know.
"But can sister afford to gamble?" Gu Ruoyuan asked worriedly, "Has sister really made a choice? Sister still doesn't know anything about the situation in Beiqi. She went to a completely unfamiliar place. How can sister adapt to it? Got it?"
This is what Gu Ruowan is most worried about. Chu Xin is a princess here, and at least she has enough food and clothing now. But if she goes to Beiqi, thousands of miles away, no one knows what the situation will be like!
Chu Shu also looked solemn when she heard this. In fact, they all knew what the worst case scenario would be, but many times people's emotions would outweigh their reason.
Just like at this moment, even though Chu Xin knew this, she still wanted to take a gamble. In fact, when she put the two choices together, it represented how important Xiao Zhi was in her heart.
Chu Xin was confused and unable to do anything that day, until she went to Nanyuan in the evening.
"What is Xin'er thinking?"
Xiao Zhi's eyes were exceptionally bright under the moonlight. Seeing Chu Xin's distressed look, he raised his eyebrows intentionally or unintentionally.
"I'm reluctant to let you go," Chu Xin looked at Xiao Zhi and said aggrievedly, "I've become accustomed to your existence over the years. If you leave, I still have a lot of things to say that I don't know who to talk to.
In fact, I have already made preparations in my heart for you to leave, but as the day of your departure gets closer and closer, my heart becomes more and more painful. "
"It doesn't matter." Xiao Zhi stepped forward and touched Chu Xin's face to wipe away the tears on his face. "After I go back, I will tell my father my request no matter what. I will definitely say it. I don't want my I have regrets in my heart.”
Xiao Zhi's look was extremely sincere, and the sourness in Chu Xin's heart became stronger and stronger.
"I don't know what to do. This is the first time I feel so difficult to make a choice. I really don't know what to do."
Chu Xin shrank into Xiao Zhi's arms and choked softly, feeling that this was the first time she was so hard to make a choice. Whether it was her mother or Xiao Zhi, she could not let go of either side.
"Xin'er, believe me, you must believe me. I am willing to use my father's final guilt for me to fulfill this promise. I don't want to be separated from you, I want to be with you for a long time. I am in this strange place Da Chu, the only person who gives me warmth is you, isn’t it good for us to keep each other warm?”
Xiao Zhi held Chu Xin in his arms and smelled the faint fragrance of Chu Xin's hair.
"Um."
Chu Xin nodded in acquiescence, thinking that she had already made a decision in her heart.
"I don't want to leave you. If I think about never seeing you again, my heart will hurt. After getting along with you for so many years, you and I have become inseparable."
Chu Xin closed her eyes, but tears still flowed down one after another. She had silently prepared herself in her heart, but the thought of her mother who raised her still made her feel extremely sour.
Xie Ruling still waited until Chu Xin came back as usual before falling asleep peacefully. Her only hope was that her daughter could live a good life.
Chu Yu's health has gotten much better these days. During this period, he has been thinking more and more about the past, and he knows how much he owes Chu Xin, his daughter.
Then someone brought Chu Xin over. This was the first time that he looked at this daughter who owed so much so seriously and carefully.
"I wonder what's going on with my father?"
Chu Xin said coldly, when the palace people came over, she was still a little confused, and she did not expect that it was her father's intention, so she was very awkward at the moment and didn't know what to do.
I have always been very unfamiliar with this father. The only thing I remember deeply is the way he held Chu Yi from high above when he was a child and watched her crawling on the ground like a kitten or puppy.
"I have often thought of your mother these days and feel that you and your mother look very similar. When I saw you today, I suddenly remembered the scene of me and your mother together many years ago."
Chu Yu would squint his eyes and recall the picture in his mind. Mu Wan was a dignified and gentle woman, but her daughter looked extremely cold, with complete indifference in her eyes.
In fact, if you think about it, he didn't pay anything to this daughter. Of course, her daughter was extremely indifferent to him.
"My biological mother is no longer alive. She died in the cold palace. That was many years ago."
The corner of Chu Xin's mouth curled up sarcastically. If she had said she missed her, what would she have done earlier? It only took one word to get her mother out of the cold palace, and her mother would not die. Now, what's the use of pretending to miss her? Woolen cloth
What's more, for so many years, there was a concubine whom I loved more. How could I think of my biological mother when I had a concubine? All of this felt extremely ironic.
"I know that it is right for you to have resentment in your heart. After all, I owe you, but after so many years, my heart will also change, and I want to compensate you for the debt I owe you."
Maybe it was because of the period of illness that Chu Yu felt that his heart was softer, or maybe it was easy to compensate the princess. At most, he could just help choose a good husband, which was easy to do.
After all, he really never really cared about Chu Xin, his daughter. Even if he realized that he owed Chu Xin at this moment, he just wanted to make himself feel better.
The only daughter he truly loved was Chu Yi. It was considered good for an emperor to have one or two beloved children. He had many children, and if there were a few outstanding ones, he would naturally pay more attention to her.
Chu Xin was really inconspicuous in the harem. If he hadn't felt that he owed Mu Wan too much recently, he really wouldn't have thought of Chu Xin.
Chu Xin didn't speak, but she suddenly had some thoughts in her heart. Thinking of being so inseparable from Xiao Zhi last night, her heart beat faster and faster.
She had never really explained these things to her mother, but she didn't dare to say it for fear of seeing her mother's reluctant and disappointed eyes.
It's just that he has to make a decision. It will be spring next year soon, and then Xiao Zhike will really be gone, and they will really never see each other again.
"Father," Chu Xin opened her mouth and softly said these two unfamiliar words, "I do have something that I hope my father can fulfill."
After saying that, Chu Xin closed her eyes and quickly opened them again. She knew that she had made a choice, and she had to take responsibility for this choice.
Xie Ruling was waiting for Chu Xin to come back with a worried look. She didn't know what happened suddenly. His Majesty asked people to take Chu Xin there. It was really baffling. After waiting for a long time and seeing the person coming back, she felt relieved.
"Your Majesty, do you have anything to tell you? Why did someone suddenly bring you here?"
Xie Ruling stepped forward and took Chu Xin's hand and sat down. She asked with a concerned look on her face. She could tell that the other person's face was not good. Could it be that something happened?
"Don't worry, mother, it's nothing serious."
After Chu Xin finished speaking, she felt a little confused all the way back. She didn't expect that she would actually make this choice. Can a person really be worthy of the mother who raised her?
"Mother, although I am not your daughter, I can feel that you really treat me like your own daughter. I can feel your love for me."
My heart was so sore on the way back, but now I couldn't help it anymore. Chu Xin threw herself into Xie Ruling's arms and cried loudly.
It turned out that she really made this choice, and actually said it out loud. At this moment, she really felt as if she had let down her mother's loving heart.
All the memories came flooding back, and she suddenly thought of the days when she was a child in the cold palace. At that time, she was still very young and was always easily bullied by the useless concubines.
Later, when I saw my mother driving away those useless concubines so fiercely, I felt that this woman seemed very powerful. If he stayed with this woman, he wouldn't be bullied, right?
This was indeed the case. With her mother's blessing, she did not suffer so many grievances.
Later, after her biological mother died, she and her mother became completely dependent on each other. She thought she was about to forget this time, but she didn't expect to remember it clearly at this moment.
The days of starvation and cold in the cold palace suddenly became so clear. Suddenly, she remembered her mother's hands that were red from the cold while washing her clothes, as well as those charcoal fires and those boards. All the memories became clear. .
"Don't cry. What happened? Did His Majesty reprimand you?"
Xie Ruling patted Chu Xin's back worriedly. She really couldn't figure out what happened. Seeing Chu Xin crying so aggrievedly, she had a bad feeling in her heart.
Chu Xin has always been very sensible and has never cried like this before. Something serious must have happened.
"Mom, if I make a choice, will you blame me?"
Chu Xin closed her eyes. She felt that she was probably an ungrateful white-eyed wolf at the moment. Her mother had worked so hard to raise her, but she chose the other side. She suddenly felt so ashamed.
What kind of good daughter is she?
"What?" Xie Ruling didn't react at first, but after thinking about it for a moment, she knew what Chu Xin was talking about.
"Don't cry, don't cry. No matter what choice you make, I will support you. After all, I am not your biological mother. I did not give birth to you in ten months of pregnancy. I only have nurturing kindness for you."
There were some tears in Xie Ruling's eyes. She probably understood what Chu Xin was talking about.
In fact, she had already made this preparation in her heart, and she could not stay with Chu Xin for the rest of her life. Even if she was Chu Xin's biological mother, she had to learn to let go and be prepared for her daughter to get married.
I just didn't expect that this day would come so quickly. It was as if I saw that Chu Xin was still the same little girl yesterday, but today she has grown so big and has her own opinions.
"I know what you are saying. It doesn't matter. People have to grow up and have their own ideas and choices. I am really happy that you have learned to choose for yourself.
I will never blame you, but if you choose this kind of life, you have to take responsibility for it and make yourself better no matter what. "
Xie Ruling stretched out her hand to wipe the tears from her face and rambled on about what she was worried about.
In fact, this is good. It is a good thing for Chu Xin to have her own ideas when she grows up, not to mention that she should have confidence in Chu Xin. Since she has chosen this, she will definitely be able to live a good life.
"Thank you, mother. My mother is really good to me and loves me very much."
Chu Xin knew very well that her mother must have understood what she was talking about, so she felt even more ashamed.
She is not her mother's biological daughter, but her mother still loves her like a real mother.
How can she enjoy this love?
