Chapter 1 Dropping out of school
"Master? Are you sure you are a Taoist priest? Why do I suspect that you are a liar and a child trafficker?"
"Of course I am a Taoist priest. Look at the awe-inspiring righteousness that is almost overflowing from my body. What else can I be if I am not a Taoist priest?"
"Master, do you think I'm blind? Your rags are worse than those of a beggar. Also, where is your righteousness? Why can't I see it? Why do I get more and more confused the more I look at you? What about obscenity?”
Faced with the young man's strong doubts, the old Taoist priest was not angry. Instead, he gently touched the young man's head with his black hands that had not been washed for at least ten years, leaned close to his body and said sincerely: "Xuan Ming, I know you have something in your heart." I’m angry, but there’s nothing you can do about many things, you know?”
"Because we are Taoist priests, we have to practice, we have to kill demons, we have to support justice, we have to save people from fire and water, we..."
Before the old Taoist priest could finish speaking, the young man interrupted impatiently and ruthlessly: "Go, go, go, OK, OK, I have to admit that you just used related words first and then added them at the end. The parallelism sentence structure is very subtle, I am convinced, but..."
"Can you please stay away from me when you talk? Do you know that you have bad breath? Don't you know that you never brush your teeth? Your teeth are very yellow and your tongue is very thick. Don't you know that? You make me want to vomit. Don’t you know?”
Four rhetorical questions are back to you, thank you!
After the young man finished angrily quarreling with the old Taoist priest, the atmosphere instantly became awkward. Neither of them spoke anymore. I will take this opportunity to introduce myself first.
My name is Wang Xuanming, I am an orphan and I am 13 years old. As for my appearance? Please use your own imagination to guess that the male protagonists in all fantasy, immortality, and time-travel novels have one word: they are so handsome.
The wretched old man standing in front of me now is my master. He claims to be a Taoist priest. Fortunately, he said he is a Taoist priest, otherwise many people would think he is a beggar! Because he is too obnoxious and smells terrible.
According to the master, I was picked up in the virgin forest when he was traveling around.
Listen, you can find children in the virgin forest. Do you believe it? Anyway, I don’t believe it.
Even if you say that I jumped out of a rock, is that okay? After all, Wu Chengen can prove to you that you are not lying, but picking up children in the virgin forest is a bit too much. I really disagree.
You can at least tell me what I found in the trash can? Who the hell can go to the primeval forest to give birth to a baby?
Even if someone gives birth to a child and no longer wants the child, he or she would not throw the child away in the virgin forest. Why, he is afraid that the child will find his own way and crawl back.
What a loophole that you can't argue with happened to me. At first, I always suspected that I was the illegitimate son of the master and someone else. He couldn't recognize me for the sake of Taoist face and worldly prejudice, so he could only lie to me. Said I picked it up.
But as I grew up and turned into a handsome and graceful young man, I was certain that I must have been trafficked.
But then I thought about it. Over the years, my master has been both a father and a mother, feeding me a lot of shit and piss. Although it is not meticulous, it is still a lot of hard work.
Looking at the wretched master, and thinking of all the past that we have been together for more than ten years, I couldn't help but persuade. First, I broke the deadlock and said: "Master, it's okay for you to let me practice with you, but my studies are also very important. , I am only 13 years old, I am in the sixth grade of elementary school, and you asked me to drop out of school. This is the 21st century! I will starve to death without an education."
I thought that what I said could influence the master so that he could give up his stupid ideas and let him know the importance of knowledge in the future, but I...
But I still underestimated his strength, no, I underestimated his face.
Seeing that my resistance seemed to be loosening, the master said disapprovingly: "What's wrong with the sixth grade of elementary school? Let me tell you the truth, your academic qualifications are already the highest among our teachers, which is enough. In fact, you I wanted you to drop out of school when you were in fourth grade."
"What? Master, are you kidding me? Is the threshold for our sect so low? I heard that anyone who wants to become a monk now needs a bachelor's degree with a bachelor's degree. Are you sure our sect is not a pyramid scheme?"
Seeing my exaggerated expression, the master snorted with some pride: "Humph! You must be shocked. Our master does not look at academic qualifications, only fate."
"No, master, I don't mean to praise our master. I am doubting our master. Can't you hear it? Why are you so proud? If you only have this IQ, I will not practice with you."
Well, this doesn’t sound like a good word at all. This is, in our Northeastern dialect: This person seems to be a bit naughty.
I continued to argue and said: "Master, do you think this is okay? You let me go to school, and when I come back in the evening, I will learn Taoism from you. Plus Saturdays and Sundays, I will definitely be able to do it with my extremely high IQ." learned”
"No, to learn our method, you must first practice physical training. Your body is too weak and too thin. Your current age is also a good time for physical training."
"What? Master, what are you talking about? I'm thin, I'm too weak. I'm 13 years old and already 1.75 meters tall. You say I'm thin, hahaha. I have muscles all over my body. Haha, you say I'm too weak. You What do you think?”
"Master, I'm not bragging. For an old man like you, I can knock down three people with one punch. Do you believe it?"
The master looked like a child who cannot be taught and said: "The strength you have now is only strong in the broad sense, not in the actual sense. And when I say you are too weak, I mean that you are too weak, not in the broad sense." "
"In a broad sense...actually..." I muttered what the master had just said repeatedly in my mouth. I felt that this sentence seemed to have a profound meaning. I couldn't help but frown, as if I understood. I realized something, but it seemed I didn’t understand anything at all.
The master once again put on the look of an old god and asked, "What? You can't understand, can you?"
I nodded sincerely, indicating that I didn't understand.
"It's okay if you don't understand. I just said it casually."
"Damn you old liar"
"Master, do you know how good I am at studying? Do you know that I will be admitted to Tsinghua University and Peking University in the future? Do you know how beautiful our class teacher is? Do you know that the beauty of our class has a crush on me? Do you know the store in front of the school? How good is the figure of the aunt here? Do you know that I am still a virgin? Do you know how big my dick is? You know..."
I am still making the final death struggle for my life.
"Xuan Ming, please stop talking. You will definitely not be able to attend this school. We also have to leave here."
"Get out of here? Where?"
“Go to the primeval forest”
"Are you still going to pick up the child?"
"I picked you up, you big-headed ghost, and we went to the primitive deep forest to temper your body with the help of the essence of heaven and earth and the materials and treasures there."
"As for your future, you can rest assured. When you become successful and have as much money and beautiful women as you want, you won't have to worry about these mundane things."
Master, are you serious?
Don't you look in the mirror?
With your current appearance, you are more beggar than a beggar, and you are more sharp than a sharp brother. Let me ask you, have you ever taken a bath in the past ten years? Have you changed your clothes?
Do you know that the smell on you is more pungent than Wang Zhi and stinky tofu? Why do you want to compete with others for business?
In your current situation, you are still talking to me about money and beautiful women. Why don’t you talk to me about the Syrian issue and the Palestinian-Israeli conflict?
money? Hahaha, have you ever seen money?
Beauty? Hahaha, have you ever seen a beautiful woman?
I resisted the urge not to hit, looked at the old liar who raised me in front of me formally and continued: "Master, do you think I will believe what you say?"
"Hey, kid, don't underestimate me. I've never seen any beautiful woman with money. I've enjoyed all the things I should have enjoyed. Now that I've seen through the world of mortals, I just want to be enlightened."
"Boy, don't you know how to appreciate yourself and not know how blessed you are? Back then, if I wanted to accept a disciple, all I had to do was lightly hook my finger, and all the young men from aristocratic families and famous families would have to break their heads and rush to be their disciples. I am a teacher"
"Hook your fingers? Master, are you sure what flew over is not a fly? Flies must like the smell you have. Not to mention becoming your disciple, they are willing to sleep with you."
I paused and then said: "Master, we are just the two of you together. You don't need to brag. If you don't brag, you are also my master. Can you please return that thing to the cow? The cow needs it very much. He still needs it." Do you want to use it to reproduce and enjoy life? Why do you always brag about it when you have nothing to do? Bury more."
"bastard"
"Snapped"
"Ouch"
The old liar slapped my clever head hard in anger.
The pain was so painful that I couldn't help but shed tears.
"Tell me, are you going to practice with me?"
Forced by the old liar's power, I had to give in and could only say things against my will with tears in my eyes.
"Master, I am willing"
"Hey, it's true that a small tree won't grow straight if it's not repaired, and it will get stuck if people don't repair it."
"Forcing me, a civilized person, to use force"
"No, I have to pay attention to my image, be a role model for others, and be a role model for others..."
"master.........."
"What are you doing? You still want to be beaten?"
"No, master, I just want to ask, where is our master and how many people are there in total?"
"how many people?"
As if recalling some sad past, the old liar thought for a moment and said: "There was only one person in our sect just now, and now there are two."
"What? You old liar..."
