Joe was confused. One might assume that this is his normal state, considering his otherworldly companions. But in fact, it's not. Although he is ignorant of many subjects and generally lacks awareness of various types, he is rarely truly confused. When he encountered something he couldn't understand, he either quickly understood it or quickly classified it as "a complicated thing that gives me a headache" and stopped thinking about it. This particular topic, however, was one he needed to hold on to, not for himself, but for Maggie's sake.
"Please say that again, please?"
"I accidentally started a cult," she repeated herself.
"Yeah, well, there's no point in doing it the second time. Wait a minute, I'll be right up."
A dingy little hallway with a bunch of brainless hooligans wasn't the ideal place to have this conversation. Joe quickly pushed the trolley Jeeves was sitting in into the elevator, and then returned to the apartment as quickly as possible. He left the robot butler in the foyer and rushed into the bedroom to find Maggie just as he had left her—floating in place, her snakelike hair disheveled. The only noticeable change was that the expression on her face changed from a calm smile to one of concern.
"Where is the cult?" the man asked immediately. "How did you accidentally start a fire?!"
The girl frowned.
"I'm being brief. Rather, the cult emerged as a result of my activities without my direct involvement or intent."
"Oh. So this just... happened to you?"
"That's another way of saying it, yes."
"Then why don't you just say it?"
"I love seeing you confused. It's cute."
She allowed herself a mischievous smirk, and though it only lasted a moment, her worry returned.
"Humor aside, this is a most unwelcome development. My agreement with the Supernatural Expulsion Agency requires that I not organize, encourage, or participate in any organized worship of my being."
"Wait a minute," Joe motioned for her to stop. "Worship of what? I haven't seen any robed guys singing weird hymns in dark rooms around here. Well, not since I met you."
"The person you just accosted is part of it," she revealed.
"But you took care of them, right?"
"A small part of it," she added. "My estimate is about 120,000 members and growing rapidly."
Joe's eyes widened. Forget cults, so many followers might be enough to form a religion.
"When did this happen and how did it happen?" his voice was hoarse. "You didn't notice either!" I mean, you noticed everything!"
"Jo, please. I don't know everything. While my knowledge and insights are superior by your standards, in the grand scheme of things they only cover a small portion of your universe. If I don’t know to look for it, and even things within my sight escape my notice.”
"Okay, I'm sorry." He immediately felt that he shouldn't raise his voice. "It's just that it's not your style to be so careless."
"Indeed. This oversight is most concerning. Given what I know about human nature, I should have foreseen this, but I chose personal satisfaction over vigilance."
Maggie sighed heavily.
“I just knew I should capture that highlight reel.”
It's only at this point that Joe finally grasps the nature of this "cult" with its coils of girls twisting.
"Wait, is this about your fan club?"
"Yes."
"This is not a cult. This is a fan club," he said, pointing out the obvious.
"My research clearly shows that fan clubs and cults are synonymous based on their activities."
"How did you know?"
"They are made up of impressionable individuals who worship entities they barely understand in an attempt to fill some perceived void in their lives."
"Um...are you saying that they are a bunch of lonely guys who have nothing else to do but have a crush on some cute girl online?"
"They also created statues that idolized and venerated the objects of their worship."
"Who is it?"
The girl nodded towards the electronic photo frame hanging over the bed, and the reassuring internet smile of the mechanical Queen Elizabeth II was instantly replaced by a digital artist's rendition of the Maggie. This is definitely what some consider "idolizing," especially around the hips, waist, and chest.
"That's just a dream," Joe shook his head. “People will draw anything for fun.”
"They also sacrificed their personal wealth and property without expecting anything in return."
"Like a donation or something?" That's only once!"
"They believe that people who do not believe in religion are also subject to disproportionate, unlawful and often violent persecution."
"That... okay, okay, I'll give you that."
Whenever someone says something bad about Melinda Sparkstad online, Joe himself gets inexplicably angry and confrontational. This bad habit disappeared the day Maggie came into his life. In fact, thinking back on how he'd behaved at the time, he realized that the girl, as usual, probably had a point. He wasn't entirely convinced that the fan club was just a socially acceptable form of cult, but his name wasn't on the contract. If his recent court experience is any indication, those highly technical terms and conditions are easier to interpret than one might think. Director Millington is definitely one of those crafty types who wants to take advantage of the situation, so Maggie is right to be concerned.
"But if it was an accident, does it count?" He tried a different angle. "I mean, you just said that this all happened without you. They can't blame you for that, right?"
"Intention does not excuse fault," she said bluntly.
Maggie could have done a lot to hide herself and prevent this from happening. From the start, she has been able to use a psychic perception filter that makes her virtually invisible to those who are unaware of her. Or, she could simply choose a less conspicuous container. Or maybe she had all references to her removed from those damn message boards before they became part of the public consciousness. Last but not least, if she hadn't dragged the trial out to satisfy her own curiosity, there wouldn't have been a viral video that made her popularity explode overnight.
"I've decided it's my fault," Maggie frowned at Joe. "While I know you mean well, I would appreciate it if you would stop trying to find ways for me to avoid my responsibilities."
"But it's not your fault!"
"Isn't it?" If Officer Maloney accidentally shot an innocent bystander while shooting at an armed criminal, you would want him to be held accountable. "
"I...I think I will," Joe finally gave in. "So, what now? Do we disband the fan club?"
"That would be meaningless. Going back to my earlier analogy, removing the bullet from a bystander does not eliminate the error in Officer Maloney's actions."
"Hey!" Agent Johnson suddenly walked to the door. "I don't know what the hell you're doing, but stop talking bad about Grant."
She didn't mean to eavesdrop, but Joe had left the bedroom door open when he burst in earlier, and neither of them had any real "indoor sounds." AJ tried her best to ignore the argument, but when she overheard Maggs mention her new boyfriend, she couldn't help but listen actively. Over the past week, the third grade students made the most of their absence, spending much of their time with police. In fact, things got pretty serious. AJ's outburst just now is enough to prove this point. Normally she would try to avoid getting involved in the odd couple's affair, but she had no qualms about rushing into the room and yelling just to protect Maloney's reputation. Of course, she immediately realized how rude and out of line she had been, but now it was too late to pull away. Besides, she had a feeling that whatever was going on, she wasn't completely unconcerned.
"What the hell is going on?" AJ asked.
"Well," Joe scratched his head, "long story short, Maggie's fan club got so big that it basically became a cult, and her contract said she shouldn't have such a club."
"Oh. So...does this mean the entire agreement is now void?"
"Yes, and some other things," the girl confirmed.
"nonsense."
Agent Johnson didn't like the news one bit. If the contract ends, her current assignment will also end. Although she had reservations at first, she grew to like the peculiar life of her third-grade roommate. Of course, she knew the relationship couldn't last forever, but ending it so suddenly left a bad taste in her mouth. His relationship with Maloney was just getting better. AJ really didn't want to leave, but once she was ordered to leave, she couldn't refuse.
“Is this related to your highlight reel?”
"You saw that too, didn't you?" Joe shouted.
"Well, yeah. It went viral. Frankly, I'd be more surprised if you found one person here who hasn't seen it...wait...where did that come from?"
"Um?"
"Video. I mean, you two didn't make it happen, right?"
Neither of them is vain enough to post a video of themselves for everyone to see. In fact, Joe probably did it for a laugh, but even so, the thing was too well made to be his masterpiece. Or any man's. This video wouldn't be as viral as it is without high-quality, almost professional-level editing.
"Of course not," he admitted as well. "Mr. Charles put it together."
"No, he didn't," AJ claimed firmly.
"Are you...are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. My team investigated everyone Maggs came in contact with when he first arrived. Mr. Charles does not have the technical know-how to make this product. Not to mention it was not posted under his account. "
"But... who did it? How did it come so fast?"
Joe and Sarah stared at each other blankly for a moment before coming to the same conclusion. A glance at Maggie, a pair of alien eyes that quickly appeared in her curly hair, confirmed that she not only understood, but was actively investigating. Sure enough, after a quick and thorough investigation, she confirmed that the Paranormal Expulsion Agency orchestrated the entire thing. Of course, they did their best to cover their tracks, but once The Observer knew what it was looking for, nothing could escape its gaze.
It's not obvious why they did this, but AJ can make an educated guess. Having worked for Millington for years, she knew better than anyone in the room what that tub of expired mayonnaise looked like. He likely intended to use this artificial infraction to void the contract and then use it as leverage to renegotiate a new deal that was more favorable to him. This greedy guy isn't just playing with fire. Trying to deceive a Level 3 cosmic entity is like juggling an armed nuclear warhead. While Agent Johnson wanted to see him get the comeuppance he deserved, the realization that Maggs was actually capable sent a wave of panic through her.
"Let's not rush it now, okay?" she urged the many-eyed entity. "You can't kill Millington just because he's a bastard."
"I couldn't agree more," Maggie said quietly. "Such harsh retaliation is neither warranted nor necessary."
"What? Why?!" Psionic suddenly became angry. "That duplicitous bastard wants to lie to you! You can at least knock out his teeth!"
"Then do you want him to get hurt or not?" Joe muttered about her indecision.
"You are mistaken, Agent Johnson. Chief Millington violated Article 13-B by attempting to intentionally sabotage and breach the contract. I will seek appropriate compensation as provided in our agreement, excluding dissolution."
"Oh. Yes, it is." Psionic calmed down. "What kind of compensation?"
"In my fair and objective estimation, this problem can be solved by transferring an OS-64-M 'Silver Storm' orbital space shuttle to my personal name."
"Woof!" AJ yelled, her face contorting into a look of malicious satisfaction. "Hit him in the pocket, he won't like it. Not at all."
"Indeed. Such a purchase would put pressure on him, and the Supernatural Removal Agency's budget should serve as adequate punishment for such an offense."
"What if he refuses to pay?"
Most of Joe's questions are wishful thinking, as he has a feeling that he's going to be dragged into whatever Maggie plans to do with that beautiful shuttle, and that might involve space travel.
"He was stupid to do that," the girl said confidently. "Especially now that I have almost identified the cause of spatial instability within the territories of the Third British Empire."
She would need to conduct a series of experiments and observations of the wormhole generator before she could be completely sure, but Maggie was pretty sure the cause had to do with the radioactive gases involved in the operation of the device. British ships vent these gases into space immediately after jumping, while American ships are authorized to store them for recovery. The laws in question were implemented out of economic considerations rather than environmental considerations. There is far more interstellar traffic across most of the United Republics in the Americas than there is in the Third British Empire, but at the same time there are fewer fuel sources and raw materials required to maintain this high level of traffic. Simply put, they don't have the luxury of dumping said gases like the British do, hence why recycling regulations were put in place hundreds of years ago.
As far as Maggie knows, this is the most obvious difference between the 3BE and the American freighter, and therefore the most likely reason for the increased erosion of British space.
"Chief Millington will be very keen to get this information, even if it costs him twelve million pounds," the girl added with a smile.
"Well, the important thing is that everything will go back to normal." Joe changed the subject.
AJ laughed and added: "Or at least as normal as this madhouse."
"I want to give you a special thank you, Agent Johnson." Maggie turned to the psyker. "Your insight prevented me from mistakenly believing that I was in breach of my obligations."
"Don't worry. Just add a few more sentences to your future reports. Anyway, I'm going to have to write a stern letter to Millington."
In British culture, this is a polite way of saying she was going to scold him so hard that it might constitute a war crime.
"It has nothing to do with any of this," Maggie turned to Joe after AJ left. "My unofficial cult is preparing for a large ceremony, including human sacrifice. I plan to participate, and I would be grateful if you could come with me. of."
"...Please tell me you are talking about the outdoor barbecue in the park tomorrow."
He vaguely remembered seeing a big topic about it on a message board earlier.
"Yes, that's what I mean."
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I mean, I doubt they'd react better to me being around you than those crazy people in the basement. "
"Sooner or later we have to face this organization and this is a great opportunity."
Joe narrowed his eyes at the thin trickle of saliva flowing from the corner of her mouth.
“They’re going to have organic burgers, right?”
"Yes, they will have organic burgers."
The man sighed.
"Look, I'm going to let Karen get you some, but let's not piss off those nerds unless we have to, okay?"
"This is allowed."
Joe breathed a sigh of relief. He'd already taken a punch today, and frankly, he wasn't going to get high again for at least a week.
