What are you talking about?
"By the way, you all know about the tiger-fighting hero Wu Songwu Erlang, right?"
"I know, Wu Song's eldest brother is named Wu Dalang, Wu Dalang's wife is named Pan Jinlian, and Pan Jinlian's best friend is named Ximen Qing."
"Hey, Menqing, why don't you come and explain."
"No, let the leader speak."
Xie Tian laughed: "Pan Jinlian and Ximen Qing got close, but Wu Dalang bumped into her. Not only did she fail to catch him, but she was also beaten up by Ximen Qing, who was waiting for Wu Song to come back to avenge him."
The soldiers nodded repeatedly, and the storyteller said the same thing.
Xie Tian continued: "Pan Jinlian is a cruel bitch. She bought a big bag of arsenic to poison Wu Dalang, so that Wu Dalang would not complain when Wu Song came back. After Wu Dalang died, she could have sex with Ximen Qing. .”
The soldiers thought that Xie Tian was going to tell them a story about Wu Song's battle with Ximen Qing, but Xie Tian changed the subject and said: "In the end, Ximen Qing stopped Pan Jinlian. Ximen Qing said, you can't give arsenic to Wu Dalang. "
The soldiers were puzzled, and several asked: "Why?"
Xie Tian said with a smile: "Ximen Qing is a smart man. Poisoning someone is a capital crime, and it can be found out during the autopsy. Even if he is bribed, people will inevitably gossip. If the news leaks out, he can't afford to offend the three. Wu Song can kill the dazzling tiger with just a few punches and kicks."
The soldiers nodded repeatedly: "That's true, what should we do?"
Xie Tian said seriously: "So, Ximen Qing gave Pan Jinlian an idea. Let's get Wu Dalang drunk with wine, push him into the river, drown him, and then report to the official that Wu Dalang lost his footing after drinking. He fell into the water and drowned himself, so even if Wu Song comes back, there is nothing he can do to them. Ximen Qing also promised to Pan Jinlian, and after the event is completed, he will marry her openly, even if Wu Songqian stares at her. "
Qin Fen said: "This trick is quite poisonous. Why don't you see this section in Water Margin?"
Xie Tian laughed: "The one you are reading is the original, and this is the unofficial history."
Qin Fen has a dark streak. Water Margin is originally a novel, but the novel has become an unofficial history?
Hearing that what Xie Tian said was different from what the storyteller said, the soldiers began to urge: "Commander, tell me quickly. Did Ximen Qing and Pan Jinlian succeed?"
"We succeeded." Xie Tian said: "Wu Dalang was short, fat, and a drunkard. Pan Jinlian fried some peanuts and admitted her mistake. Wu Dalang got very drunk, and then she followed him. Together, Ximen Qing carried Wu Dalang to the river and threw Wu Dalang into the river with a pop."
"Oh, it's really bad this time. Wu Dalang is going to die."
Xie Tian smiled and said, "That's wrong. Not only did Wu Dalang survive, he was also a blessing in disguise."
"What's going on?" The soldiers were all aroused by Xie Tian's story.
Xie Tian smiled and said: "After Wu Dalang fell into the river, he was awakened a little by the cold water. He fluttered around and hugged a big tree floating down the river. He floated and floated like this. The sea drifted to an island."
"What happened next?" the soldier asked.
Xie Tian smiled and said: "There are many dwarfs living on this island. When these people saw Wu Dalang's tall and burly figure, they thought it was a god coming, so they elected Wu Dalang as their emperor."
Qin Fen couldn't help but burst into laughter: "Captain, do you mean that Wu Dalang drifted to Japan and became the emperor of Japan?"
Xie Tian said seriously: "It's not so bad. Wu Dalang became the Emperor of Japan. He was very popular and drank spicy food all day long. He brought the most beautiful women in Japan into his palace. There were more than three thousand beauties in the harem. The Japanese They are so grateful. They have never seen a man as tall and burly as Wu Dalang. They wish they could give their mother to Wu Dalang so that they could have more children to improve the race. Wu Dalang also wants to take revenge on Pan Jinlian. As long as he sees someone with three points of beauty Women are a disaster, so most of the Japanese now are the bastards left by Wu Dalang. They inherited Wu Dalang’s height advantage, and they are all short and squat."
Qin Fen couldn't laugh or cry: "Captain, this is the harshest scolding I've ever heard of a Japanese, and it didn't include a single curse word. Feeling that all Japanese today are descendants of Wu Dalang."
Xie Tian said seriously: "Isn't that right? Wu Dalang became the Emperor of Japan. He not only improved the Japanese race, but also carried out a series of drastic reforms in Japan."
"What kind of reform?" Qin Fen asked, coughing and covering his mouth. He wanted to see how Xie Tian continued to edit.
Mao's Water Margin History, he was sure that Xie Tian had made it up.
Xie Tian smiled and said: "The first thing is the bed. As soon as Wu Dalang saw the bed, he thought of Ximen Qing and Pan Jinlian making trouble on the bed, so he issued an edict not to allow Japanese people to sleep on the bed, and saw off all the bed legs. So he has been Until now, Japanese people don’t dare to sleep on beds, they can only sleep on straw mats, which they call tatami mats.”
Qin Fen opened his mouth wide: "So this is how the Japanese got their tatami?!"
Xie Tian nodded: "Not only the tatami, but also the wine. Wasn't Wu Dalang drunk by Pan Jinlian and Ximen Qing who threw him into the river? Wu Dalang hated wine. Drinking will lose his life. So Wu Dalang ordered all breweries across the country to add water to the wine after brewing it. Do you know how hard it should be?"
"To what extent?" Even Qin Fen was aroused, let alone those soldiers who knew nothing about Japan.
Xie Tian said: "The drinker has to ask the boss, 'How much wine have you mixed in this water?' Well, it is considered qualified at this level. Therefore, the Japanese call the wine they drink sake, which means it is the same as sake." A wine as light as water."
Qin Fen coughed and laughed in a low voice: "It's called sake. When I was in the Shanxi-Sui Army, I heard our company commander say that the Japanese wine just tastes more like water than water."
"Look, there is some evidence." Xie Tian said seriously.
Qin Fen looked at the serious Xie Tian and asked, "What other reforms did Emperor Wu Dalang make to Japan?"
Xie Tian smiled and said: "That's too much. For example, when it comes to writing, Wu Dalang doesn't know a few big characters, and the little Japanese are even more stupid. They don't know how to write at all. Wu Dalang can't do anything if he can't read. He has to teach them how to read. Ah, how can Wu Dalang teach his descendants if he doesn't know a few characters himself? There's no way, just make them up randomly. So, look at the Japanese characters now, except for the Chinese characters we know, they were all made up by Wu Dalang. Many of them are just half-characters, with radicals and radicals, and some are simply ghost-drawing symbols with twists and turns. Not to mention, Wu Dalang’s descendants are really capable, and they actually passed down these things that Wu Dalang wrote indiscriminately. Do you think it’s awesome?”
Qin Fen's face turned blue. He raised a thumbs up at Xie Tian: "Awesome, is there anything else?"
"Yes." Xie Tian chuckled: "Wouldn't Wu Dalang be harmed by Pan Jinlian? That's why Wu Dalang hated this kind of watery woman the most. He issued an edict that all the country should call the kiln sister Ji. Ji actually means pheasant. Wu Dalang also Gathering them in a place called Ximending means that those guys in Little Japan who like Ximen Qing like to look for flowers and make love will focus on the women in this place, and only he can touch other women from good families..."
Qin Feng finally couldn't help but put his head into the quilt and laughed so much that he rolled on the floor with laughter.
Commander Xie had thoroughly blackmailed the Japanese. From top to bottom, no one, male, female, old or young, was spared. They all became Wu Dalang's bastards.
"Wu Dalang likes to cause harm to good families. If he causes too much harm, he is afraid that he will not be able to remember it, so he gives these bastards surnames. Wu Dalang is uneducated. He gives bastards surnames by whatever they see. , those who live under the pine trees are named Matsushita, those who live in the middle of the rice fields are named Tanaka, and those who live next to the mountains are named Yamamoto. There are so many surnames like this in Little Japan. Anyone with this characteristic can definitely be Wu Dalang. The bastards of Wu Dalang are easy to remember. The bastards of Wu Dalang are even more uneducated than Wu Dalang. They simply add numbers after their surnames as their own names. What about the horizontal path two, Yamamoto Isoroku and these little devils? You have always heard of them Well, these are all the descendants of Wu Dalang’s bastards. Wu Dalang’s bastards worship Wu Dalang, so among the little devils, there are many people named Dalang, Jiro, this Lang, that Lang…”
Xie Tianbai's spittle flew everywhere, Qin Fen rolled on the ground with laughter, and all the soldiers laughed, whether they understood or not.
As a result, Xie Tian's eyes widened: "I've held it all in. I couldn't hold it back and covered my head with the quilt and laughed. Be careful if you make any noise and scare the Japanese devils, I will punish you."
Zhang Xingsheng suppressed a smile and said: "The little devils are all descendants of that useless and useless martial artist. There is nothing to be afraid of. Just beat them when you come."
This is the effect we want. Xie Tian chuckled and shrank his head under the quilt: "Now that the story is over, go to bed and recharge your batteries. Maybe the Japanese will arrive at dawn."
As he was talking, thank god he snored first.
In a short time, all the soldiers knew the joke told by Xie Tian, and some actually took it seriously.
Wu Dalang's descendants dared to come and bully his ancestors and rebelled against them.
Qin Fen looked at Xie Tian with his head covered and sleeping soundly. Xie Baoqing made up such a nonsensical story about Wu Dalang. It sounded like a prank on the Japanese, but it had an immediate effect, sweeping away the fear of the soldiers and even making them eager to try. I'm about to have a fight with the little devils.
This move is really ruthless... very rogue.
Xie Tian began to snore, but Tiedan still couldn't sleep. When he saw Qin Fen, he opened his eyes and said with a smile: "I have never seen my godfather speak so eloquently and tell stories. Lian Zuo, you The little devil looks so frustrated, is he really a descendant of Wu Dalang?"
Qin Fen chuckled, but before he could say anything, Xie Tian suddenly stretched out his hand and flicked Tiedan's forehead hard, and said in a muffled voice: "Stop talking and go to bed quickly."
Tiedan rubbed his forehead and said to Xie Tian: "I'm not going to sleep. You farted in bed and almost killed me. I need to breathe."
As soon as Tiedan finished speaking, Xie Tian kicked him out: "Go away, go find someone else to sleep with."
Qin Fen chuckled and lifted the quilt towards Tiedan: "Come in quickly, don't freeze."
Tiedan made a face at Xie Tian, who didn't even open his eyes, and swooped into Qin Fen's bed.
When the sky was dark, it started to snow again. The snow was not heavy, but it buried the traces of humans and animals.
The soldiers were originally wrapped in quilts, but this time the white quilts were covered with a layer of white snow. If they didn't move, they wouldn't be able to spot them until they walked up to their heads.
At this time, several crows suddenly came from the empty mountains.
Xie Tian, who was wrapped in quilt, suddenly opened his eyes and listened for a while to the intermittent crows of crows. He reached out and pushed Qin Fang and Tiedan beside him, raised his fingers in front of his lips and whispered: " The Japs are here. There are four trucks in total. For such a large scale, at least a small team of Japs is escorting supplies. Go and wake everyone up and remind them that no one is allowed to shoot without my order. No big moves are allowed. Give them all to me. Just lie down."
Qin Fen and Tiedan immediately became nervous. The leader actually guessed that a Japanese supply truck was passing by here today.
Four trucks and a small team of Japanese escorts, is this considered a jackpot?
About thirty refugee soldiers who had never fired a shot ambushed a well-equipped Japs squad. Can this battle be fought?
