"For a long time, my illness was completely submerged in my consciousness. That floor was very solid. Guess who built it?"
Natasha didn't need to guess, but she still said very cooperatively: "I guess it's the doctor who cured you."
"Cure is not accurate. He is just an ordinary person and does not have the ability to eliminate autism, which is similar to terminal illness. But he does have a very strong pursuit of the word cure."
"So he sealed your pathology under a floor?"
"Yes, it was like this in the original world. If I had always been content with the status quo and had no intention of getting rid of the social environment at that time, then it would be okay to live like this for the rest of my life, because it was safe enough."
Schiller was unexpectedly frank and did not even shy away from using the words "the original world". Natasha was not surprised. As an objective individual who did not have a deep friendship with Schiller, she actually saw more. clear.
"But because college life is so boring, please note that my pathology was completely sealed at that time, which means that I don't have any perverted hobbies, and I don't pursue excitement. It is purely the study life of college that matters to me. It’s so boring, because not only do I know that knowledge, I’ve already experienced it from practice.”
"One of the major shortcomings of being precocious." Natasha shrugged and said, "There is a type of parents who like to let their children learn knowledge early that is not for their age group. I don't know if they can win at the starting line, but when they are second The first time you review this knowledge, you will definitely lose a lot of interest.”
Schiller nodded in agreement, and then continued: "Then I went abroad and developed a little hobby in an unsupervised environment. Then I discovered that it is useless to just seal up the pathology."
The two of them had walked out of the darkness while they were talking. They came to the vicinity of the hole, but it was actually just a hole. There was nothing interesting to see. The light coming from inside was too strong, and Natasha couldn't see through it. Clear the view of the tower of thought on the other side.
Then they walked on, and Natasha didn't know where else to go, but on the way she heard Schiller say.
"My primitive desires were so deeply affected by pathology when I was growing up that even if the pathology itself has been sealed, it still affects every aspect of me."
"The doctor only sealed up the pathology. It was impossible for him to seal away all my emotions and desires. It was neither necessary nor possible, so I still followed my anger and chose to embark on the road of revenge. I came to this country to investigate The man behind the tragedy that happened in the orphanage.”
"I peeled off the cocoons and found the people involved little by little, but the first accident happened when I killed an oil industry businessman."
"As you can imagine, I knew that I had the conditions to sneak into the assassination, and I was sure that they would not be able to find me within a short period of time. I did so. The only problem was to cut his throat with the expected knife. Afterwards, I felt an indescribable excitement.”
"The whole body is shaking, the heart rate is completely outside the normal range, the brain and body cannot be connected, and it is completely out of control." Schiller took a deep breath and said as if he was still a little scared: "There was even a period of memory loss. .”
"When consciousness returned to my brain, I found myself staying with the body in the apartment I rented."
"Maybe I was lucky. The rich businessman had a wife and son who had been separated for many years and were waiting to inherit a large inheritance. They hurriedly handled the case of the missing businessman without causing any trouble. I was able to escape because of this. In that state It was really just a fluke."
"This is what you said, 'something went wrong before we even reached the point of being on the run.'" Natasha stared at Schiller, then narrowed her eyes and said, "This is the first time I've heard of this. After killing someone, I was too excited to leave the crime scene..."
"The first time the situation was more serious." Schiller continued to recall: "The next few times it was better, but then another problem arose."
"I was excited when killing people. In order to find a way to solve this phenomenon, I continued to put down the bait and wait for the target. The more times I went, I realized that some changes were happening."
"What is that?" Natasha had a bad feeling, but she still asked.
"I am not an ascetic. There were many people pursuing me in school. I picked a girl who only wanted to have a one-night stand with me and tried to create an alibi by sleeping with her. Then I discovered that some kind of reverse Conditioning happens."
"The moment I became excited, my first reaction was to kill her."
Natasha was stunned. She was silent for a long time before turning to look at Schiller and said, "I hope the men's stories are straightforward, but if they are not this type of straightforward, can this be a conditioned reflex?"
"That's the problem." Schiller said with a long sigh: "I speculate that the repressed pathology in daily life gives certain pathological behaviors a stronger excitement, which strengthens my reflexes and associates him with the creation of killing and death. Together, it led to this result.”
"And what I want to show you is..." Schiller dragged his voice slightly, and Natasha had already seen some hazy existences in the darkness in front of her.
She took another step forward, and there was a "crash" sound, like a falling sound like stones being kicked off a cliff. Natasha looked intently and saw an abyss beneath her feet.
"Opposite to the tower of thought, this is the abyss of thought that leads from my subconscious to my surface consciousness. It is also the prison of my former illness - my prison."
Natasha turned to look at him, her eyes more focused in the darkness, and she asked: "Are you sick?"
"We are all, before this, we were mixed with other traits in the consciousness." Schiller stood on the edge of the cliff, stamped the ground hard under his feet and said: "The psychiatrist used social rules and morals to build The strong wall built up is called the 'superego'."
"When this solid floor appears, the primitive desires that are deeply affected by pathology come to the abyss of thinking under the floor, including lust, gluttony, jealousy, etc., as well as some skills that are not used in a peaceful society, such as manipulation, Hunting, abuse, etc., as well as some distorted theories and concepts, such as art.”
"Stephen said he met a man wearing a patterned tie inside the tower of your mind. He called himself sick."
"He is manipulation and the source of pathological pollution." Schiller stared at the bottom of the abyss of thinking and said: "You can equate the situation of the abyss of thinking and the tower of thinking. If you go down now, you will also be in this abyss. I have seen a lot of Schiller. Pathology and normality are also made up of many fragments, but we are more closely connected."
"Actually, a lot of us go out for air, after coming into this world and punching that hole."
Just when Natasha was about to ask, Schiller explained: "Obviously, this world does not belong to a peaceful rules society. First of all, it is not peaceful. Secondly, the social rules in my memory do not apply here."
"An aggressive personality is a guarantee of survival in a dangerous world, so the superego turns a blind eye and allows arrogance to use the characteristics of a certain world to punch a hole in the floor."
"Then what's going on with the elevator?"
"What's the point of pretending to be a last resort now?" Schiller smiled, and then said: "It's troublesome to jump up and down in the hole every day, so why not just build an elevator."
"It's really interesting." Natasha said half in amazement and half teasingly: "Can you tell me who has each morbid trait and what they have done?"
"Are you going to write it into SHIELD's classified files?"
Natasha shook her head and said, "It's just my personal interest."
"Manipulation is the oldest one. You can regard it as the origin of pathology, because he was born in the early stages of the experiments of that mysterious experimental organization. He absorbed all the knowledge of pathology there and recorded all traumas. and pain, these things are like nourishment for sickness.”
"Gluttony went up several times, but because one time he didn't pay attention to etiquette when dining and took several bites of food that didn't belong to him, so the elevator was temporarily closed to him."
"Hunter and Art have collaborated on some serial murders involving corpses. Although the person who died was not a good person, before you came down, Art also told me that he wanted to freeze you with liquid nitrogen and put you on the ballet stage. superior."
Natasha shuddered, and suddenly thought of something. She turned her eyes left and right, then looked at Schiller from under her eyelashes, and said with a playful smile: "If my inference is correct, you should be famous..."
"You can call me 'the trigger for the collaboration of monsters like a psychotic murderer, a sadist, a mind-control psychopath, and a psychotic artist.'"
"Thanks, you ruined the mood."
Natasha began to think about the logical contradiction again. She clasped her fingers and said: "Killing makes you excited, and then it turns into excitement and makes you kill. Could it be that the only medium is killing? It can't be Want something gentler?"
"The key thing about this problem is that even if you solve my problem, there are still a lot of pathological problems waiting for you to solve."
"for example?"
"Such as gluttony and eating everything."
Natasha suddenly thought of what he was referring to, and she shuddered again, and Schiller continued: "The pathological characteristics are much more closely related than the normal ones. Once the pathological needs are met, all the characteristics will appear. Such as manipulation and gluttony, hunting and art, abuse and lust, they are completely indistinguishable from each other.”
"Then I think it's good for you to be single." Natasha said very sincerely: "There should be no one around you who suits your aesthetic preferences for the time being, right? If there is, we will transfer him immediately."
"Yes, not yet."
Schiller's words just made Natasha breathe a sigh of relief, and then made her heart pick up in her throat.
"But I'm going to catch one."
Someone is in danger, I won’t say who it is
(End of chapter)
