Song Qingxu was confused by Chen Jiaxian's words. Chen Jiahao also raised his head and looked at her: "Sister?"
Chen Jiaxian reached out and turned Song Qingxu's laptop to her eyes, and asked politely, "Teacher Song, can I modify this table?"
Song Qingxu was surprised: "How do you want to change it?"
Chen Jiaxian asked: "What is your appeal? What goal do you want to achieve? What is your current situation? What help do you need from me?"
It was exactly what Pan Qiaomu taught Chen Jiaxian that day.
Song Qingxu was stunned on the spot.
Chen Jiaxian did not wait for Song Qingxu's answer. She reorganized the contact list, combined it with the contact points that Song Qingxu just mentioned, formed a process node diagram, and noted the time, needs and feedback standards, and then returned it to Song Qingxu: "This is more logical."
Song Qingxu had never worked in a company, so he was a little shocked when he saw this set of things. He raised his eyes to look at Chen Jiaxian, then looked down at the list.
Chen Jiaxian then said: "Girls are not suitable for such tedious work." She pointed to her temples, "Girls are smarter and know how to optimize, so they can do such a job well."
Song Qingxu was confused: "...ah?"
Chen Jiaxian smiled at him.
Song Qingxu stared at the screen for a long time and said with a complex expression: "Jiaxian, I'm sorry to ask an offensive question - how come a talented person like you only studied in a technical secondary school? Is it because you were rebellious in adolescence?"
Chen Jiaxian said flatly: "My family has no money for me to study."
"You can upgrade from a junior college to a bachelor's degree." Song Qingxu suggested enthusiastically.
Chen Jiaxian smiled: "There was no money at that time. Now I am saving money."
Renting costs money. Life requires money. Studying requires money. There is money everywhere. And Chen Jiaxian has no money, so she has no choice.
Song Qingxu has been staying in college and has a simple personality. He glanced at Chen Jiahao, who had his legs crossed next to him, and said, "A pair of sneakers on your brother's feet costs over a thousand yuan, and his computer is also quite expensive. These are enough for you to finish college. Are you lying to me?" "
The expressions of Chen Jiaxian and Chen Jiahao changed.
Chen Jiaxian's eyes fell on Chen Jiahao's shoes.
She lives a frugal life and doesn't know much about sneakers: "A pair of shoes costs a thousand yuan? I don't believe it."
Song Qingxu used his mobile phone to search for her and said, "Your brother's shoes are amazing. They cost 1,799 on 'Poison'."
Chen Jiaxian's face didn't look good. Chen Jiahao looked at Chen Jiaxian and took back his foot hesitantly.
Song Qingxu was still saying: "Chen Jiahao, hurry up and persuade your sister with me." He just felt confused, "Your sister hasn't saved enough for tuition, why don't you transfer some money to her? Buy less pairs of shoes. That’s it.”
Chen Jiahao hesitated and couldn't say anything.
Chen Jiaxian thought about how she had no income from running a store for two years, and also thought about Chen's mother trying to get her to spend money for the family.
She took a look at Chen Jiahao's sneakers. Very new.
There has never been a moment like this when Chen Jiaxian realized that her parents did not love her. Her brother doesn't love her either.
She has no natural privilege of being favored.
It turns out that Chen Jiahao doesn’t know everything. He knows everything, he has benefited from it, he is just unwilling to give up these benefits.
Chen Jiaxian stretched out her hand and pulled Song Qingxu's sleeve: "Okay, don't ask anymore." Her voice was calm.
Song Qingxu looked at the faces of the two siblings and stopped talking.
After the rehearsal, Chen Jiaxian and Chen Jiahao went home together. Chen Jiahao reached out to stop the taxi: "Taxi!"
He looked natural and did not think that taking a taxi was expensive. This made Chen Jiaxian feel how ridiculous she was for not eating in order to save money.
Yes, ridiculous. Sad and ridiculous.
The car is here. Chen Jiaxian watched as the car door was opened by her younger brother.
What was ignored intentionally or unintentionally in the past is now clearly displayed before our eyes. The gap between her and her brother's lives is so huge that anyone with a discerning eye can see it at a glance, but she is the only one who doesn't know it, and still harbors ridiculous fantasies about her parents in her heart.
She is a sad fool. Chen Jiaxian thought to herself.
A sad fool. A naive coward. A speculator who longs for love. A visionary who moved himself.
madness. Gullible. cowardly. Self-deception.
Ten thousand words cannot compare to the hatred and contempt she feels for herself at this moment, because even though her soul has been squeezed in the air by pain, even though her reason can see everything clearly indifferently, her body is still hot. Soaring temperature, fragile, crying, longing to be loved.
…
When she got home, Chen's mother sat on the sofa, holding her waist and looking painful.
"Mom has a backache." Mother Chen took Chen Jiaxian's hand, "Dear, mommy has a backache."
Chen Jiahao curled his lips and made a silent mouth gesture to Chen Jiaxian: "Here again." He slipped back into the room in three steps and two steps.
Chen Jiaxian squatted beside the sofa: "I'll rub it for you."
She rubbed medicated oil on her hands and helped Chen's mother push it up. She said: "Mom."
Mother Chen said "Yeah".
"Do you love me?" she asked.
Mother Chen said "Yeah".
"Mom, do you love me?" Chen Jiaxian asked stubbornly.
Mother Chen pouted at her: "Love! Love! Little ancestor!"
Chen Jiaxian felt sour in her heart. She finally said those words: "Mom, love me. Love me like your brother." She repeated, "Mom, can you love me like your brother?"
Chen's mother said "tsk": "Are you petty again? Comparing yourself with your brother again? Your brother is the root of the old Chen family. You should be nice to him, and you can rely on him in the future."
Chen Jiaxian was silent for a while and said: "Mom, your waist is not good, please do less housework from now on, okay? Let dad help you."
Mother Chen said "Ouch": "What kind of kitchen does a grown man go into? Besides, why did your father listen to me?"
Chen Jiaxian said: "Let my brother do it."
Chen's mother said: "Men are clumsy and there is no way they can do it. Forget it, it's my mother who does it. In fact, my mother is happy when she does this."
Chen Jiaxian was silent for a while. Chen's mother asked: "Have you washed your hands? There are drops of water on my lower back."
Chen Jiaxian's voice was normal: "No, you feel wrong. Mom, let me accompany you to the hospital. This is the third time I have registered for you."
Mother Chen waved her hand: "If you don't want to go, don't go. I'm going out. Who will cook for your father?"
The living room was quiet for a long time. Mother Chen lay on the sofa, feeling a gentle force coming from her waist. She was so comfortable that she almost fell asleep. Just when she was in a trance, she heard Chen Jiaxian say:
"Mom, I can't save you."
Mother Chen muttered vaguely: "I'm living a good life, I don't need your help." Then she turned over and fell asleep.
Chen Jiaxian put a blanket on Mother Chen, stepped back and looked at her.
She wanted to save her mother. But who will save her?
No one can save her.
Chen Jiaxian looked down at her hands.
Although these hands were small, they were all she had.
Only she is her own way out.
"I won't save you, mom." Chen Jiaxian said softly. This time she didn't cry.
