The high-speed train that Meng Yao took departed at 1:45 p.m. They had lunch near the school, and Xu Yao took her to the high-speed rail station.
There was a traffic jam on the road. It was already 1:20 when we arrived at the high-speed rail station. There was not much time. Meng Yao said goodbye to Xu Yao at the entrance. When he was about to turn around, Xu Yao said: feel free to contact me.
Meng Yao looked at him and nodded.
After taking a few steps, she couldn't help but turn back. Xu Yao was still standing there, looking in her direction, and smiled when he saw her turning back.
The sun was shining brightly behind him.
Meng Yao suddenly had an impulse in his heart. People come and go around us, and there are many people traveling far away with their luggage. It is quite a long distance from Beijing to Yunnan. Time is precious in the adult world. Life is filled with various things and endless work. There is very little room for feelings, which is why many people call love a luxury product.
That kind of thing that is difficult to obtain, maintain, or even master can make people feel frustrated, but also a little excited to look forward to it. But compared to losing, maybe missing will be more disappointing. Meng Yao almost wanted to run back to Xu Yao and say something for a moment, but suddenly there was the sound of heavy objects falling to the ground behind her. She subconsciously looked over and saw a young mother carrying a child on her back and carrying many items in her hands. After bumping into another passenger's suitcase, she bowed helplessly and kept saying: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it, I was rushing..."
The passenger didn't care when he heard this and waved his hand to let her go.
Meng Yao woke up only after watching the young mother disappear into the sea of people. She was also in a hurry.
In fact, it was just a sentence, and it took less than a minute to finish speaking in front of Xu Yao, but her impulse seemed to be scared away by the sound of the heavy object falling to the ground. She finally said nothing and turned around to leave.
After passing the security check and walking to the waiting room, Meng Yao glanced outside again when he got on the elevator, but he couldn't see anything anymore. She couldn't explain what she was feeling. Her grandma called and there was a long queue at the ticket gate. Meng Yao walked over pushing her suitcase and swiped her phone to answer the call.
She and her grandma chatted until they entered the platform and the train stopped. Her grandma said on the phone that she was waiting for her to have dinner, and Meng Yao responded.
call ended.
Before closing her phone, Meng Yao glanced at the screen and found that a new WeChat message had come in during the call. She ignored it and boarded the high-speed train with her suitcase.
After she put her luggage and sat down smoothly, she took out her mobile phone to check. Unsurprisingly, she saw Xu Yao's name. He asked her if she got on the bus?
Meng Yao looked at the message and replied after a few seconds: Yes
She unconsciously clasped the phone case with her index finger, thought about it again and again, and asked him: Have you gone back?
Xu Yao: Ready to go back
Meng Yao paused for a moment, and for some reason, he typed the word "oh", deleted it, and said: Be careful when driving.
After the message was sent, Xu Yao replied "Okay" to her. Meng Yao didn't want to disturb him while driving, so she didn't talk anymore. She put her phone back in her hand and turned to look out the window.
The train started moving forward.
The distance home from Beijing is not far, it takes about four hours by high-speed rail, and it was exactly 5:30 pm when we left the high-speed rail station.
The temperature at home is higher than that in Beijing, and the sun is still very bright even at this temperature. Meng Yao hailed a taxi outside the high-speed rail station. Grandma's house was in the countryside, and it was in two directions from the high-speed rail station. The driver looked at the navigation system and said it would take more than an hour.
Meng Yao said "hmm", sat in the back seat and called her grandma, asking her and her grandpa to eat first without waiting for her. Grandma heard that she had already got into the taxi and said, "I haven't cooked yet. Now Go stir-fry, you can eat it when you get home."
Meng Yao was getting close to her grandmother, and her words were different from usual, with a hint of intimacy: "I still have more than an hour to go, and I've just finished eating it. It's been cooking for so long... Are you going to hold a banquet?"
Grandma said: "I made a soup in a casserole for two hours. It's very fragrant."
The proud tone made Meng Yao couldn't help laughing.
She lowered the window, the warm wind blowing on her face. She looked at the street outside the window. It was strange that she had only been away from home for three short months, but she felt that this city was very strange.
As the taxi passed by a residential complex, Meng Yao looked at the name of the community.
Meng Yuanshan and Song Lan bought their houses in this community. After she graduated from Fenghan, she and Song Lan moved back here from the rental house outside the school. After she went to college, she came back rarely, and she stayed there most of the time when she came back. For my grandma, it was probably the same reason, so even if there was her home in this community, she didn't have much sense of belonging.
Meng Yao calmly withdrew his gaze, stopped looking out the window, and lowered his head to play with his mobile phone. There were dozens of unread messages in the university dormitory group. Meng Yao flipped through them and read them carefully, and then chatted with his roommates for a while.
She didn't pay attention, and it wasn't until the driver asked, "Are you entering through this fork in the road?" Meng Yao realized that she was almost home.
In recent years, rural development has been getting better and better, roads have been expanded, and taxis can drive to the door of their homes smoothly. Meng Yao saw his grandfather before he even got out of the car. He moved a wooden chair and sat in front of his house. When he saw the taxi stop, he quickly stood up from the wooden chair, turned his head and shouted into the house.
Meng Yao laughed and opened the door. The driver got out of the car and helped her get her luggage. Grandma came out with a spatula. Meng Yao took the luggage and ran towards them.
"I seem to have lost weight." This was the first thing my grandmother said when she saw her.
"Yes? No?"
"I just lost weight." Grandma nodded affirmatively and added, "I made a table of your favorite dishes. Eat more later to make up for it."
"good."
Grandpa came to pick up her luggage and said, "Hurry up and get some rest. It's been a long day of driving."
Grandma was still cooking vegetables in the pot. She was afraid of burning them, so she strode to the kitchen and said to Meng Yao, "Let your grandpa wash the grapes for you to eat."
Before Meng Yao could answer, Grandpa said, "You don't need to tell me, it's already been washed on the table."
Meng Yao walked into the house and looked around first. She was completely relieved when she didn't see Song Lan. Although she had expected it, Song Lan didn't like to stay in the countryside. Unless she was celebrating the New Year, she would only stay with her grandma for one night at most before leaving. Meng Yao went to Beijing first and then came back for this reason. She didn't want to be with her. Song Lan met.
Grandma cooked the last dish and brought it to the table. Meng Yao washed her hands and sat with her grandparents. Looking at a table of her favorite dishes, she really felt like she was home.
Grandpa and grandma were very happy about her coming back and took turns picking up food for her.
Grandma said: "I was worried that it would be difficult for you to come back when you traveled so far away to teach."
Meng Yao bit into a piece of ribs and said, "No, there will be a holiday."
"How are you doing over there?"
Grandma always asks this question on the phone, but she still feels uneasy.
Meng Yao said sincerely: "It's very good. My colleagues are easy to get along with, and the students are also obedient and sensible. You can learn a lot."
"I'm worried about the difficult conditions."
"Actually, it's not bad." Meng Yao asked them to relax, "We have everything we should have."
I've never been there, and my grandparents don't know much about the environment there. They just heard that it's hard to work as a teacher.
Her grandfather taught her: "Since you have done something, you must do it well, and you must be a teacher and a role model worthy of your status."
"knew."
Grandpa nodded with relief, thought for a moment, and then said, "But the most important thing is to protect yourself outside."
Meng Yao nodded. In order not to worry her grandparents, she deliberately told a few things that happened at school. She was afraid that it would be too plain and added some tricks to the narrative to make them happy.
Meng Yao was extremely full at this meal.
She helped her grandma clear the dishes and wanted to wash the dishes, but her grandma kicked her out of the kitchen before she even put her hand in the sink.
Grandpa was watching a war movie, and the sky turned dark during the meal. Meng Yao moved a chair and sat next to his grandfather, watching TV with him and eating a bowl of grapes.
Grandpa was worried that she wouldn’t understand it during the movie, so he told her the general plot. Meng Yao listened carefully and nodded from time to time.
Grandma came out after washing the dishes and saw Meng Yao still sitting in the living room and quickly urged her to rest: "The bed has been made, and the sheets and quilts were washed two days ago and left to dry in the sun. Hurry up and lie down in the room. We will sit down today." I must be tired after driving for such a long time.”
Meng Yao was not tired, but her back ached after sitting in the car for a long time. She wanted to stay with her grandparents for a while, so she didn't move. Grandma wiped her hands and walked over to turn off the TV for her grandfather.
"Hey, I haven't finished reading yet." Grandpa shouted dissatisfied.
Grandma said unceremoniously: "What are you looking at? We'll look at it tomorrow. Let's go upstairs."
Grandpa was helpless and turned to look at Meng Yao. Meng Yao smiled and said, "I'm sorry, it's my fault."
Her tone was a little playful. Grandpa saw that she couldn't care anymore, and put his hands behind his back: "Forget it, let's go upstairs."
Grandma won a great victory and was satisfied. She said to Meng Yao: "I keep the key to your room. No one has gone in except me. I will go to the room to get it for you."
"good."
Meng Yao picked up the suitcase. Grandpa came to help, but Meng Yao avoided it and said, "It's not heavy, I can carry it."
Back in the room, Meng Yao glanced at the familiar bedroom. She opened her suitcase and took out the cakes she bought in Beijing and gave them to her grandparents: "Siqi said this is delicious. I bought some for you to try."
Grandma opened her mouth with joy. Meng Yao brought Song Siqi here to play two years ago. She still remembered that girl, who was very cheerful, lively and lovable. Grandma knew that Meng Yao was Xijing, and she used to worry that her personality was a bit boring. Later, Meng Yao gradually changed after going to college. Grandma felt that it was due to the influence of her friends, and she was somewhat grateful to Song Siqi.
She asked Meng Yao: "How is Siqi now? I heard that her boyfriend is in Beijing, right? Are she getting along well with her boyfriend?"
"fine."
"That's good, you're all grown up."
The word "grow up" is so evocative.
Grandma said casually: "I still remember that when you were a child, you were just a little bit older. Your mother became a mother for the first time. She didn't know how to hold you or bathe and dress you. I taught her step by step."
Meng Yao said: "Then you were the first person to hold me when I was born?"
"That's not true." Grandma recalled with a smile, "The first ones to hug you are the doctors and nurses, then your father, and grandma is behind."
Meng Yao said without thinking, "But you and I are the closest."
Grandma laughed twice, took her hand and held it in her hand, and suddenly asked: "Would you like to go home and see your mother this time?"
Grandma's hands have done a lot of work and are rough, but so warm that people don't want to let go of them. That was the temperature that Meng Yao relied on most since childhood. Meng Yao didn't want to lie to her and shook his head honestly.
Grandma: "I heard that your parents had a fight about you some time ago."
Meng Yao paused and looked up at her, his eyes clear and translucent.
She said to her grandmother: "Don't worry, it's okay."
She added: "There is actually no need for them to fight over me, it is meaningless."
Grandma's impression was that Meng Yao had been obedient since she was a child, but her relationship with Song Lan was tense. She was very stubborn in this matter. Grandma advised her: "She is your mother after all."
Meng Yao had heard this sentence many times since she was a child, but it had no impact on her. She said, "But she is just my mother."
Grandma was speechless.
Meng Yao said seriously: "Grandma, I can't live according to her wishes forever. She and I can't stay with each other for a lifetime. I will leave her eventually, and she will leave me one day. I can't meet her expectations. Just like she has never met my expectations in the past.”
Heart knots cannot be solved overnight.
Grandma knew Song Lan and knew that she had not done well enough when Meng Yao was growing up. She didn't want to make Meng Yao unhappy when Meng Yao came back for a rare occasion. She sighed and didn't mention the matter anymore.
"I just hope that your work will go well, that you will meet the person you like like Siqi, and that you will be happy every day."
It is a blessing to have someone who wants you to be happy every day. Meng Yao smiled. She leaned over and snuggled against her grandma, smelling the reassuring smell on her body. She had something to say: In fact, I met the person I liked a long time ago.
But that person doesn't belong to her yet.
After grandma left the room, Meng Yao took out his mobile phone from his bag. When she got home to eat and chat with her grandparents, she hadn't looked at her phone for a few hours, and there were several messages lying on the screen.
She replied to Song Siqi first before clicking into the dialog box with Xu Yao. She and Xu Yao also sent messages on the high-speed rail, but they didn't chat for long. At seven o'clock in the evening, Xu Yao asked her if she was home?
Meng Yao typed slowly: It's been a long time since I came back. I was eating just now and didn't look at my phone.
Xu Yao did not reply.
Meng Yao held the phone and waited for a while, his fingers hanging on the keyboard, never letting go before typing.
Not knowing what to say, she finally turned off the screen and planned to wash up first.
Just as she took the clothes, her grandma knocked on the door. Meng Yao came over and opened the door. Grandma handed her two books: "These are the books you lent to the aunt next door's little daughter during the summer vacation. She came back a few days ago. I just didn't have them." If you remember, put it away."
They were two collections of essays. I had a chat with the aunt next door’s young daughter who was very interested in them. Meng Yao happened to have them and lent them to her. She took the book from her grandmother and nodded.
Grandma told her to go to bed early and close the door. Meng Yao opened the desk drawer and planned to put the book in it. She didn't think about it. When she opened the drawer and saw the diary, she remembered that this drawer contained many secrets of hers.
Meng Yao put the book aside, took out the diary, and opened the first page.
It's said to be a diary, but actually it records everything about Xu Yao.
From the first time she met Xu Yao and recognized him in Fenghan, to every chance encounter with him in the three years of high school, she called those moments good luck.
She recorded in her diary every time Xu Yao spoke on stage as a student representative. She probably knew better than Xu Yao himself the good results Xu Yao had achieved in the three years of high school.
After graduating from high school, the protagonist she wrote on paper was far away from her world, and Meng Yao had no chance to record it again. After that, this diary became just a testimony of her youth to her.
Meng Yao would watch it over and over again at first, especially when she first entered college. The city was unfamiliar to her, and she could not help but miss Xu Yao. She went to class, participated in clubs, and when she met people who were slightly similar to Xu Yao, she couldn't help but think about what Xu Yao was doing in a city far away from her.
No matter what he does, Meng Yao believes that his life will be wonderful.
Later, Meng Yao rarely looked at it. She realizes that time always moves forward and she cannot dwell on the past.
What's more, that past was her one-man show.
Although she still keeps this diary with her.
Several years passed like this.
Until she was about to graduate from college, she accidentally came across Xu Yao's photo in her circle of friends.
He was more dazzling than before. Meng Yao looked at the photo in shock.
Her heart skipped a beat.
Meng Yao thought that she had made progress than before. At that time, she had understood that there was nothing she could not let go of. As a result, she tossed and turned and couldn't sleep that night, so she sat up from the bed, turned on the small desk lamp, took out the diary while her roommate was sleeping, and started writing in it for the first time in a long time.
She didn't know what to write, and people seemed to be less awake late at night, so she just wrote casually and messily:
"Xu Yao"
"I saw your photo today. You have grown into a very good person. Although you have no position, I am very happy and excited. Although you are still like that in the photo, far away from me and out of my reach."
…
"Xu Yao"
"I hope you get better and better, so that it doesn't matter if there is always an unbridgeable gap between you and me."
"You must always stand tall, always be free, confident, and always have good luck."
That was the last time Meng Yao wrote about Xu Yao in this diary. She regarded this night's behavior as an indulgence, and she never opened the diary again after that night.
This diary followed her to a new city, followed her home after graduation, and was finally put away in this drawer.
When she set out for Beijing, she hesitated, but in the end she didn't take it with her.
She went to Yunnan from Beijing. She never imagined or dared to think that she would meet Xu Yao again there.
Meng Yao read the diary and found a dozen drawing papers in the drawer - they were originally pressed under the diary.
Xu Yao is all on the drawing paper, without exception.
When she paints every picture, she paints it with the eyes of a follower looking up.
The contents of this diary and more than a dozen drawings brought her back to the past. She had been secretly in love with Xu Yao for several summers with the scorching sun and the sound of cicadas chirping. She once thought that she would never be able to live again in her life. There would be such a summer that left a deep impression on her, but she reunited with Xu Yao in this brand new summer.
She walked to him, no longer as inferior and timid as before, and learned to talk to him as an equal.
At present, no one except Song Siqi knows that it took her many years to do this.
Meng Yao thought that in the adult world, there is indeed a fear of missing out.
She made a decision in an instant.
Xu Yao hasn't replied to her message yet, but she hasn't flinched at all.
She turned on her phone, found Xu Yao's WeChat account, and typed word by word in the chat box: Xu Yao, do you still remember that you told me last time that some regrets will be made up for on the other side?
Meng Yao: What I want to say is, if I pursue you, do you have a good chance?
