Qin Lie's parents are worried, which is completely understandable. He is in his thirties. In China, people of this age should be getting married and having children.
Zheng Pianqing feels that she is quite selfish - or that she has been too immersed in her own world these years and has not paid much attention to the needs of those around her, or that she really does not have the strength to love another person anymore.
It can be heard from Qin Lie's words just now that he must have mentioned her to his parents, possibly as his girlfriend.
Zheng Pianqian has indeed been thinking about marrying Qin Lie recently, and she even said it impulsively a few times.
But the phone call she overheard just now made her completely give up this idea - Qin Lie is a good choice, but she is not worthy of his making such a big sacrifice, and she can be sure that she will never want him again in this life. After giving birth to the child, the doctor made it clear that if she went through another pregnancy and gave birth, her body would become even weaker.
This is her personal choice, Qin Lie should not pay for her.
Zheng Pianqing was originally wavering because of the child, because she could see that Qin Lie liked children very much. When she asked him if he wanted his own child, although Qin Lie denied it, Zheng Pianqing knew that it was for Take care of her feelings.
Zheng Pianqing herself was wavering because of the child. Now that she knew the thoughts of Qin Lie's parents, she became even more determined. She could not selfishly let Qin Lie sacrifice unconditionally for her and bear these unnecessary pressures.
She just needs him, not loves him. This is cruel, but it is the truth.
If she doesn't even love herself, how can she have the ability to love others?
But in this world, no one can really give unconditionally without any expectations for a lifetime. Even if Qin Lie can, she can't always enjoy it with peace of mind.
Zheng Pianqing hugged her knees, buried her head in them, and slowly closed her eyes.
People will be attached to warmth and thoughtfulness, and Qin Lie can always give her a good experience. She likes the feeling of being with him, and she clearly knows that it is not love - even if all relationships between men and women will eventually deteriorate, But he has the right to enjoy it without deterioration.
He also has the right to have his own children.
"Why did you wake up so early?" Zheng Pianqing heard footsteps approaching from far away, and a familiar male voice penetrated her eardrums.
Zheng Pianqing's shoulders stiffened for a moment, then she quickly adjusted her breathing and raised her head to look at him: "I can't sleep, come out and take a look."
Qin Lie has always been very sensitive to Zheng Pianqing's emotional changes. He can detect her abnormality with just one or two words.
He walked forward and took her hand, "Let's go for a walk by the lake. The sunrise view there is pretty good."
Zheng Pianqian nodded and agreed.
When two people are alone together, some words are easier to say.
When Zheng Pianying and Qin Lie were holding hands and about to leave, Zhou Yi happened to walk out of the tent. His eyes fell on the hands held by the two of them, and then glanced at Zheng Pianying's slightly pale face.
After meeting Zhou Yi's eyes, Zheng Pianying subconsciously avoided it.
Qin Lie said to Zhou Yi, "I'll take Pianying for a walk. When Sansan wakes up, I'll trouble you first."
Zhou Yi nodded: "Okay."
He agreed happily and didn't think taking care of Sansan was a trouble. She was his daughter and this was what he should do. However, now was not the time to argue with Qin Lie about this matter.
——
The lake was about two kilometers away from the campsite, and Zheng Pian Ting and Qin Lie were walking hand in hand.
After walking five to six hundred meters, Qin Lie looked sideways at Zheng Pian Ting beside him and asked her, "Are you in a bad mood today?"
Zheng Pianqing lowered her head and looked at the road under her feet, but did not answer his question.
Qin Lie didn't ask any further questions. He held her hand and continued walking forward. For the next twenty minutes, Zheng Pianqian didn't speak, and Qin Lie didn't bother her.
At about half past six, the two stopped by the lake. The sun rose and the surface of the lake was sparkling, as beautiful as a painting.
Zheng Pianqian and Qin Lie stopped by the lake and slowly pulled their hands back from Qin Lie's.
She had been thinking about what she was going to say, and now she finally said it.
Zheng Pianqing took a deep breath, raised her head, and said softly: "I got up just now and wanted to get something from the car, and I happened to hear you talking on the phone."
Qin Lie's eyes darkened. Based on these words, he had already guessed what topic Zheng Pianqing was going to talk to him about next.
"I have been thinking about my relationship with you during this time." Zheng Pianqing said, "You are the one who is paying for me, and I have done nothing."
Qin Lie corrected her: "That's not giving, it's getting along. I'm good to you because you're worth it."
"But even this can't cover up the fact that I'm selfish." Zheng Pianqing said, "I really don't have the ability to love others."
"I know that many couples rarely have love in the end, but there is no love in the beginning. It's very cruel."
Qin Lie knew what Zheng Pianqian said: "I understand what you mean."
"My parents really want me to have a child. I told you before that I don't want it, and I don't want the child to affect your choice." Qin Lie's words were also very candid, "If you are willing to choose to marry me, I will I would choose not to have children.”
"But if you marry someone else, you will definitely have children." Zheng Pian Ting took over his words.
Qin Lie couldn't deny it.
This is the reality.
"So, marry someone else." Zheng Pianqing looked at Qin Lie sincerely and seriously: "If you stay with me and don't have children, you are paying for my decision. I don't want that."
"You should marry someone you love and have the right to be a father. You must be a very good father, and your child will be very happy." Zheng Pianqing pursed her lips, "I'm sorry, I wasted your time. .”
"You're not sorry for me." Qin Lie smiled at her, and the sunlight shone on his face, making him more gentle and warm. "Although you always emphasize my kindness to you, Pianxia, to be honest, with you , I’m very happy.”
"I know it's hard for you to love others. I just hope you can love yourself." He said, "You are a very good person and a very good mother. I believe that when Sansan grows up, she will know your experience. , she will definitely be proud of having a brave mother."
"People who can stand up from the pain of despair are shining themselves." Qin Lie put his hand on her shoulder and patted her gently. "People are attracted by light. You deserve a lot of love and care. Don’t belittle yourself, huh?”
Zheng Pianqing's eyes and throat were sore. She wanted to respond to Qin Lie's words, but found that she couldn't make a sound.
In the end I could only nod.
The moment he nodded, tears fell from his eyes.
There is a sentence that she did not say, but it will always be effective——
She has no way of loving Qin Lie, but Qin Lie will become an irreplaceable presence in her life.
