Zheng Pianqing really didn't have the energy to think anymore, but she knew very well that this was just a short-term paralysis and escape, and there were some things she would have to face sooner or later.
For example, Sansan is becoming more and more sensible. As her contact with the outside world increases, she will have more needs for the role of mother.
Qin Lie didn't leave at night. When Zheng Pianqian woke up the next morning, she was still in Qin Lie's arms. He had already woken up, but he kept holding her in the same position as last night.
Zheng Pianqing was no longer the shy person who would blush after waking up in a man's arms. Even when she saw the marks on Qin Lie's chest that she had scratched, she could remain calm.
"Why didn't you go back?" Zheng Pianqing asked casually, her voice hoarse.
Qin Lie let go of Zheng Pianying, picked up his glasses from the bedside table and put them on, "You were not in good condition yesterday, so I'm a little worried about leaving you alone."
Zheng Pianqing: "Thank you."
Qin Lie: "I'll go to the bathroom outside to wash up. I'll remember to come down for dinner later."
Zheng Pianqing: "Okay."
Zheng Pianqing got up from the bed, her feet were a little weak when she walked - there were too many times last night, and her body couldn't actually bear it.
If she hadn't requested it, Qin Lie wouldn't have been so unrestrained.
Zheng Pianying took a shower, changed her clothes and went downstairs. Qin Lie had already prepared two plates of breakfast, including English scrambled eggs, ham slices and toast, plus a glass of milk.
The two sat down facing each other at the dining table to have breakfast together.
Qin Lie took a bite of bread, stared at Zheng Pianqing's face for a long time, and asked her tentatively: "Are you feeling better today?"
Zheng Pianqing didn't know whether to nod or shake her head.
Qin Lie read the answer from her state and said to her: "If you want to love your child, you should love yourself first."
Zheng Pianqian pursed her lips and swallowed the milk in her mouth, but her mouth felt a bit astringent.
love yourself.
Maybe I was in love before.
But over the years, she seems to have lost this ability.
"When we first fell in love, I couldn't feel your love for me. At that time, I thought you just didn't love me. But then I discovered that you don't even love yourself anymore." Qin Lie looked at her. s eyes.
Zheng Pianqing's eyes are very beautiful, but her double eyelids are thin and her almond-shaped eyes look cold and difficult to get close to.
If these eyes were lit up, they would definitely be more beautiful - it's a pity that he has never seen them. From the time they met, her eyes have always been wandering and dim.
Zheng Pianqing has not had many friends around her these years. She has never liked socializing, and it is impossible for her to share her feelings with people who are not related by blood.
Qin Lie was the first person to say such words to her.
Zheng Pianqing did not become angry because of embarrassment. Her mood was calmer than she imagined. After a moment of silence, she laughed to herself.
"That's right," she said. "I have nothing to love."
Qin Lie didn't speak. He stared at her, suddenly eager to know what kind of state she was in during that relationship that hurt her deeply.
Zheng Pianqing stuffed half a piece of toast into her mouth, chewed it mechanically, and after swallowing it, she said, "I often feel like I'm dead."
Qin Lie: "That man is the father of your child?"
Zheng Pianqing nodded.
Qin Lie: "Does he know the existence of this child?"
Zheng Pianqing: "He doesn't need to know."
She expressed this sentence extremely firmly: "He and I are over, and I don't want to see him again."
Qin Lie was silent for a few seconds, "You hate him."
"No." Zheng Pianqing took a deep breath, "I just hate myself."
I hate that I knew he was a prodigal and yet I was moved by his sweet words and committed myself to a relationship without hesitation;
I hated myself for not breaking it off when I first discovered that he and Rongyue were entangled, and for being manipulated by him and becoming suspicious;
I hate myself for not listening to Zheng Linxu from the beginning, and I hate myself for not being able to help the family and causing trouble for them.
Every time she saw Zheng Linxu and Zheng Yuemi busying themselves over her affairs, she would hate herself even more.
Qin Lie was suddenly speechless. He thought of a lot of words to comfort her, but when he reached his lips, he couldn't say them out - people can see clearly what others are doing, and the truth may sound logical, but who can ensure that things will fall into place? When it comes to yourself, can you behave like those great principles?
But Zheng Pianqian's words of "hating myself" made Qin Lie suddenly realize something - she was punishing herself by degenerating into "self-destruction".
If he hadn't proposed to maintain this relationship for a long time, Zheng Pianying would probably have found someone different.
Qin Lie had no prejudice or thoughts about the behavior itself. He just felt that Zheng Pianqian should not do such a thing with such a mentality, otherwise she would hate herself even more.
After figuring out this matter, Qin Lie was suddenly very happy that it was him who appeared in front of her at that time.
——
More than a month after this time, Qin Lie had a change in his work. He was assigned to the branch in Haicheng, where he would stay for more than a year.
Before leaving, Qin Lie came to meet Zheng Pianqing.
They had a hearty performance as usual. Zheng Pianqian leaned limply in Qin Lie's arms, and the strands of hair on her forehead were soaked and stuck to her skin.
Qin Lie raised his hand to tidy up her hair, lowered his head and kissed her forehead.
"Pianying, I'm leaving." He said.
Zheng Pianqian was a little dazed when she heard it: "Where are you going?"
Qin Lie: "The company is dispatched to Haicheng for more than a year."
Zheng Pianqian nodded, knowing in her heart what this sentence meant.
I knew from the beginning that there would be a day of separation.
"Qin Lie." Zheng Pianqian called his name again, "Thank you."
Qin Lie smiled helplessly, picked her up and gently stroked her back with his palms, "Love yourself well, Pian Pian."
Zheng Pianqian's eyes were a little sore, "I'll try my best."
Qin Lie: "We will still be friends from now on. If you need help with anything, please come to me anytime."
Zheng Pianqian could not speak at this time and could only lean into his arms and nod.
——
After separating from Qin Lie, Zheng Pianqian quickly returned to normal life.
She thought she would be somewhat uncomfortable, but the imagined situation did not happen, and the trajectory of her life hardly changed.
After Zheng Pianqian thought about it later, she realized why she was able to withdraw so quickly - because Qin Lie had never really participated in her life.
The two of them met mostly just for work. She would not go out of her way to adapt to Qin Lie's time, nor would she put down what she was doing for him.
There is no concession or compromise, and the separation can be done quietly, which is actually very good.
Zheng Pianqing suddenly felt that this should be the way Zhou Yi had always been, so he could get out of every relationship very quickly.
There were not many classes this semester. Not long after Qin Lie left, Zheng Pian Ting set off for Greece.
She and Mu Chen met in Santorini.
