"You said that if you have any thoughts in your mind, I will tell you directly," Lidya couldn't stand Ikeana's gaze, but she was still very sincere, "I do think you are cruel enough, even though you have group affairs to be busy with. , but when he needed his mother, you were not there."
Ikegana felt even more worried, but still nodded in acquiescence.
Her third brother once comforted her with a smile: sadness is because of love, and the meaning of family existence is to give children the ability to love.
When Chi Feichi was born, she made a plan in a self-righteous way:
0-1.5 years old is the stage when people build trust and sense of security.
1.5 years old to 3 years old is the stage of establishing rules, identifying oneself, and learning self-control.
The concept of gender emerges between the ages of 3 and 5, and one's own gender role becomes clear.
She stays with the child until he is 5 years old. If there is no problem with the child's eyes, she will leave.
She thought that being able to be indifferent to her child's feelings for her, even if she hated her, would be better than the feeling she had towards her mother that she didn't love her enough and couldn't hate her.
She once thought she had succeeded.
At first, the little one would be angry because she didn't go back, but when he saw her, his eyes would light up in an instant, as bright as purple stars.
After that, the little one grew up slowly, and until now, that kind of brilliance has never appeared in those eyes again.
Her child no longer smiles, no longer talks to other children, and when he sees someone being bullied, he will walk away with an indifferent expression, as if he is living in his own world.
Her child will no longer be willful, mischievous, or even act coquettishly, and will not be as sensible as a child.
When she was in a foreign country, she would only fall asleep when she was so tired that she would not think about every little thing about her child all night long, making her feel so uncomfortable that she wanted to rush back several times.
In the past, she felt that her persistence was useful, and that it didn't matter if the child was indifferent, and it didn't matter if she no longer relied on her or cared about her. If her heart was as cold and hard as a stone, she probably wouldn't have the same kind of love for her mother as she did back then. I can't bear to feel that way.
But those 'she thought' were really just 'she thought'. When she came back this time, she discovered that her child's love would not fade away, and she had brought the same pain to her child, as well as a deeper despair.
She should have understood a long time ago that the child has hidden his emotions better than other children since he was a child, but she selfishly hopes that her child will grow up to be a self-disciplined, strong, and gentle person, and she will treat the child after he feels the warmth. Leave your child behind, leaving your child with no one to understand your thoughts, no one to witness your achievements, and no one to talk about your concerns.
Her mother at least gave them companionship and comfort, which she did not even give to her own children.
She was worse than her mother, awful.
In the past two days, she always had the same dream again and again at night:
At first, the soft little dumpling slowly turned into a little boy with a gentle smile on his face. Gradually, the smile on his face disappeared, and the little boy walked away with a cold face, and then slowly turned into a boy who was taller than her. Many big boys looked at everything with cold eyes, but in the end, they hugged her gently when she was lost. That hug was just like that day, no need to say anything, but it made her nose sore and satisfied...
Every time she woke up, she only felt pain in her bones!
There is a follow-up to the experiment in the book. When those little monkeys returned to the monkey group as adults, they were indifferent, withdrawn, and unsociable. They would not find a partner or even reject a partner when they were in heat. Even after artificial insemination and having children, they Will brutally bite his own children to death.
If there is a little monkey in that group of little monkeys who suddenly becomes normal after being withdrawn and surly, and slowly integrates into the group, and is still a smart and tolerant little monkey since he was a child, then that little monkey has figured it out. ? Or has there been a more terrifying change?
No matter what the reason was, she felt uncomfortable and couldn't bear to say anything wrong to her child again.
In this bloodline, there is no clear ending in the future. She hopes her children will do what they want to do.
Even though indulgence may bring destruction, it is better than regretting not trying to indulge after the destruction.
Seeing that Ikegana remained silent, Lidya's eyes gradually became gentle as the silence followed.
She lost her child at the age of 24 and divorced her husband. She recovered from her depression for more than a year. In order to make a living, she worked as a maid in the Field family. Then she saw a beautiful and gentle angel.
A girl of twelve or thirteen years old, with a delicate face, a pair of gentle eyes, and a smile that can touch people's hearts.
Occasionally she would think of her child who died shortly after birth and was secretly grieving alone, and was once seen by a girl.
The girl asked her carefully and softly:
'Lydia, are you sad? Then I'll give you a holiday. I'll go play for a whole day tomorrow. When you're tired, come back and have a good sleep. You'll feel better. If you want me to accompany you, then I'm willing to accompany you. '
She never remarried and had no children. She watched the girl grow up, get married, and have children. She was called "Miss" to "Mrs." and then she had another "Little Master" to call her.
That girl is not carefree.
Before she went, the Field family had changed all the servants. There were some rumors about witch blood, but no one could tell clearly.
She was the one who knew but didn't want to talk more. It was the girl who told her, and then she understood why girls like little angels sometimes stay in a daze and have insomnia all night long, and why little angels occasionally turn into little devils. Secretly staring at some people talking loudly in the dark, his eyes were full of coldness...
It was a heavy and oppressive secret. She didn't want that weight to keep weighing on her angel heart, nor did she want that weight to be passed down from generation to generation.
After a moment of silence, Lydia took the initiative and said, "You are thinking so much tonight because of what Master Kaito mentioned this afternoon?"
When we talked about the little girl named 'Haibara Ai' in the afternoon, Master Kaito suddenly proposed that Madam should be the godmother of that child. Master Feichi also said that the child's parents were dead and agreed, but Madam did not agree immediately. I just said that I would think about it carefully.
Ikegana nodded.
If she had another child, what would she do with that child?
That little girl has no parents. If she becomes that child's godmother but doesn't take care of her, wouldn't she be hurting that child again?
And if she was nice to that child, she would feel sorry for her son who was so sensible and made her feel guilty. If she was nicer to other children, she would think that she was not so nice to her son, and she would feel more and more indebted to Chi Feichi.
So she hesitated.
"Master Fei Chi is a very thoughtful person. He doesn't make decisions randomly. Master Kaito is not someone who interferes in other people's ideas." Lydia comforted her softly. "I think they all thought it was appropriate, so they brought it up." , and they didn’t force you to make a choice, it was just a suggestion, you don’t have to think too much about it, you can get in touch first and have a look, what do you think?”
Ikegana listened to Lidya's analysis and thought for a while, "Did I just get into trouble?"
"Yes." Lydia nodded.
Chi Kana: "..."
"You just think too much," Lidya stood up and said with a smile, "Let the past go by. If you are happy, only Master Chi will be happy, right? You should go to bed early. Staying up late will make you age easily."
"Hey, Lidya," Chikana suddenly stood up and approached Lidya, his eyes full of seriousness, "Do you think I am old? Fei Chi reminded me tonight that I am already over forty. Years old."
"No, I think he was joking." Lydia had a black line on her face.
"Lydia," Ikegana said slowly, "I hope you will be honest and straightforward with me."
"Okay..." Lidya said truthfully, "I think Master Fei Chi is right. You are indeed in your forties."
Ikegana's eyes suddenly looked sad when he looked at Lidya.
The corners of Lidya's mouth twitched slightly, and she said seriously and sincerely, "But you don't look like someone in their forties at all, and that's the truth."
Every time I asked her to be honest, it was so difficult for her to look at her like this after she spoke honestly.
"Really..." Ikegana turned to look at himself in the mirror and nodded with satisfaction, "Good night."
"Good night." Lydia turned around and left the room, closing the door behind her.
…
The next day.
Chi Fei got up early and took Fei Chi out for morning exercises.
When she got home, Lydia just took Emma to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
"Master Feichi, you got up so early. I didn't know you were going out yet..." Lidya went out from the kitchen to greet her. At a glance, she saw Feichi in Chi Feichi's hand, which was covered in dirt and grass clippings. "You're out." …”
"Going for morning exercise," Chi Feichi carried the exhausted Fei Chi into the bathroom. "He is in a good mood today. He rolled on the grass for a long time. Let me wash him."
It's not Chi lazily spitting out snakes, but it's a little excited to see that its owner's mood has improved today.
Too tired to talk.
Lydia came back to her senses, "Okay, do you need me to prepare your breakfast? Madam will probably sleep until nine o'clock."
"Thank you." Chi Feichi stood in front of the sink, turned on the water, and suddenly thought of something, "No grilled tomatoes, no grilled sausages, no mushrooms, no bacon, no English scones, no baked beans, no anything. beans."
Lidya sensed Chi Feichi's strong distaste for English breakfast, and silently eliminated a bunch of food she was used to cooking, "Then French toast, fried eggs, mashed potatoes, milk... do you need meat?"
"Just beef."
Chi Feichi washed Fei Chi clean and found a towel to help Fei Chi dry the water on his body.
If he didn't have something to do, he would rather cook purple sweet potato porridge...
When Chi Feichi came out of the bathroom, Lidya poked her head out of the kitchen again, "I wonder if it would be convenient for you to tell me what you thought when you agreed that Madam should be the girl's godmother yesterday?"
Well, she has to help Madam understand the situation and then communicate and coordinate.
"Kaito's suggestion is a good one." Chi Feichi walked to the living room.
If you think it's a good suggestion, support it, there's nothing wrong with it.
Lydia asked again, "Then have you ever thought about what to do in the future? I mean, should the girl stay in Japan or let her go to England with my wife? Or..."
"After the matter is decided, we can communicate and it depends on the wishes of both parties. It's too early to think about that now." Chi Feichi sat on the sofa and looked back at Lidya, "I haven't told Xiao Ai about this yet. She If you have concerns, you don’t necessarily agree. I just think the proposal is good, so I agree.”
Lidya was a little speechless. It seemed that Madam really thought too much. Men's brain circuits are not that complicated...
"Is my mother overthinking again? It would be great if she could handle her own affairs as neatly as she handles her work." Chi Feichi took out his mobile phone and dialed, sighing in a low voice, "Tsk...woman."
Lydia: "..."
What’s wrong with women being more sentimental?
Master Fei Chi seemed to be lamenting, "Women are trouble."
Before Lidya could ask further questions, Chi Feichi was already on the phone with Dashan Ya, "Mr. Dashan, morning... I'm at home. Could you please help prepare a computer room, computers, switches, servers, workstations... In short, all are needed... It's very urgent. It's best to resolve it before 3pm. You can go directly to buy a ready-made computer room...Okay, I'll wait for your news."
Lydia turned back to the kitchen.
Alas, man!
When I grow up, I no longer look like a little cotton-padded jacket.
She suddenly felt that it would be good for Madam to have a daughter.
