A small team suddenly appeared in Kunpeng Mountain. They were dressed like woodcutter, and they were here to cut firewood, but they had been paying attention to the road into the city.
The leader is fat and has a round face. This person is Zhao Hongyan. He first swept away the weeds with a sickle in his hand, then panted and sat on a big rock: "I'm so exhausted! Take a rest..."
"Boss, we just took two steps. We rested for half an hour before taking three steps..." The people behind came up to dissuade him.
Zhao Hongyan picked his nose and retorted: "If you don't know how to speak, just shut up. I obviously took five steps, okay?"
"Sir! We calculated that you took three and a half steps in total, and those half steps were used to walk into the stone..." The crowd did not give him any face, and lifted his fig leaf on the spot.
Zhao Hongyan straightened out his fat beer belly and yelled ruthlessly: "It's terrible to be uneducated! I'll teach you arithmetic. You said I took three and a half steps, right? This guy said again that I took two steps. After all, I have to go. Five and a half steps! I said it was less!"
Everyone twirled their fingers in confusion, but they couldn't calculate the amount, so they had no choice but to shout: "Your Excellency is really a genius!"
"That's necessary, don't look at who I, Zhao Hongyan, am!" Zhao Hongyan patted his bulging belly and laughed.
These so-called woodcutters were actually soldiers disguised as soldiers. They came to seek a path into the city on Zhang Qingmeng's orders. However, from morning to noon, they walked a few steps and rested for half an hour, so that they could still clearly see the military camp.
One of them worriedly asked: "Sir, if we can't find the path, Mr. Zheng won't blame us, right?"
Zhao Hongyan yawned lazily: "You don't know, we... we are also a personal bodyguard after all. Who else can you trust besides me? Sister Youdi!"
Everyone gathered around him and listened with great interest to his so-called "heroic deeds."
"Let me tell you, what my lord wants to do, you have to discuss with me first! Military Advisor Yu will have to stand back!"
Everyone was stunned when they heard this, but they even stupidly believed it: "Oh my god, boss, are you so awesome!"
Zhao Hongyan became more and more proud. He stood up and cleared his throat: "I'm not bragging to you. As long as adults can eat and drink, we can get into their stomachs! Let's talk about chicken soup. Have you tried it?"
Everyone agreed: "I've never had it, but I've heard others say that in this day and age, having a sip of chicken soup is really a luxury!"
"Let me tell you, the chicken soup you drink is not ordinary! The chicken was born in the fairy stone, absorbing the essence of heaven and earth, absorbing the light of the sun and the moon, and was born after 80 million years. The chicken beak is even more unusual. One peck will destroy the world! Two pecks will shatter the mountains and rivers! Three pecks..."
At this point, Zhao Hongyan's brain circuit board suddenly short-circuited, and he couldn't hold back a word to smooth things over. He froze in embarrassment, digging his feet into the three bedrooms and one living room.
"Sir! Why don't you say anything?" Everyone was still waiting for the next words with great interest, but they were so intoxicated that they forgot about it.
"Ahem..." Zhao Hongyan pretended to be calm: "In short, this magic chicken is extremely powerful. All sects in the world sent masters to challenge it, and without exception they died under the beak. In the end, we took a big axe, We fought with that guy for seventy-seven forty-nine days, and finally captured it and made it into chicken soup!"
Everyone was so frightened that they all knelt down and bowed aside: "Boss, you are so annoying! I admire you so much!"
Zhao Hongyan was so proud that he asked everyone to stand up: "I dedicated it to you at that time, but you still rewarded me because of my hard work and merits!"
"Oh, let me go. Our brothers have really met living gods. Hurry up and express your gratitude!" Everyone immediately took action and showed their courtesy to Zhao Hongyan. For a moment, he was really incomparable glory.
Just when he was so happy that he suddenly heard a sound in the woods, like someone asking for help. How could Zhao Hongyan, a brave and heroic man, turn a blind eye? Alone, he ran boldly towards the source of the sound, and said in a sad tone: "Brothers, for the sake of the world, the boss must go, don't think about me!"
"Wow!" Someone actually started crying, and the level of mourning was no less than that of losing a parent. Everyone really thought that he was parting from life and death, and they started crying for some reason.
Zhao Hongyan ran towards the cry for help with runny nose and tears. Just when he was about to show off his skills, he saw a person jumping out from the front and running towards him like crazy. He instantly thought that he must be being chased by some master. This But it was a good opportunity for him to show off his skills, so he got up and ran into the woods.
On the other side, the soldiers felt bored, so they drew pictures underground for fun, completely forgetting the pain of "parting from life and death" just now.
One of them raised his head and said, "Brothers, our boss is really as powerful as he says. Why didn't we let him become a general?"
"This idiot! How can the gods in the sky be controlled by mortals?" Another person answered, patting his head.
Another person had doubts about this: "I said, is there such a possibility... Sir, you are talking nonsense?" When everyone heard this, they all glared at him, and the person had no choice but to take it back.
"Plop!" While everyone was talking, countless birds rushed out of the woods, and the huge vibration made everyone feel uneasy.
Everyone looked towards the woods and saw two black shadows emerging from the depths and howling from time to time, which made everyone panic.
"Brothers! Isn't that a race between a man and a wild boar?" the sharp-eyed soldier said nervously.
"Huh huh huh...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I saw the wild boar howling heart-breakingly, as if his feet were stepping on a hot wheel. This speed is really rare in the world!
All the soldiers were shocked. Spring was about to start and there were still wild boars out and about. Now they had no chance to escape. Everyone hugged each other and cried together, waiting to die.
“Hmmahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,”
Everyone closed their eyes tightly and silently thought of peace in their hearts, but the strange thing was that every time they heard the howling, they could always smell a faint smell...
As the shaking sound got closer and closer, everyone hugged tighter. Just feeling the vibration felt like a giant elephant running.
"I'm sorry for you bastards, come and save the boss!!!" The wild boar roared heartbreakingly... Wait, the wild boar can also speak human language?
He boldly raised his eyes and looked outside. He threw away everyone in surprise, pointed at the black shadow and shouted: "That's not a wild boar! That's the boss!"
"Boss?" When everyone heard this, they all looked up and saw Zhao Hongyan and a skinny man running away in embarrassment. The tears and snot on his face mixed together to form an unknown sticky substance.
That wild boar... well, when Zhao Hongyan saw that no one came forward to help, he felt even more impatient: "I rely on you guys who have no loyalty! Just wait and see the boss's joke, right?"
When everyone heard this, not only did they not come forward to help, but they sat on the ground obediently, clapping their hands and shouting: "Boss! Show off your duel with the magic chicken!"
"Don't be a coward, boss, go up and give him a golden punch!"
"Wuhu! Boss takes off!"
In Zhao Hongyan's heart, ten thousand grass and mud horses galloped past, he raised his middle finger and yelled extremely sarcastically: "I wish you and your family happiness!"
What bad intentions do these lovely soldiers have? When I heard the boss praising them with idioms, I couldn't lose face. I racked my brains to search for all the idioms I had learned, which led to the following situation of "a hundred schools of thought contending"...
"Boss! I wish you a happy family reunion!"
"Boss! I wish you many descendants!"
"Boss, you have to get out of here happily!"
"The boss is colluding with others!"
There was a person who was very good at learning. When he saw the boss raising his middle finger to say "hello" to them, he followed suit. He happily raised his middle finger and blessed loudly:
"Boss, I wish you all the best in your family!!"
Zhao Hongyan was really on the verge of crying at this moment. He really wanted to skin these guys alive. He didn't want to help, but he actually did it and mocked Mr. Zhao Hongyan. It was really an unforgivable crime!
"Brother, run quickly, that beast is about to catch up!" The skinny man looked back and saw that the black shadow chasing them was about to run towards them, so... what on earth was it?
Author ps: Try the funny style, thank you all for your likes and support! Your happiness is my biggest motivation. If it is convenient, it would be better to save it (˝ᗢ)
