"I never knew what kind of power light would bring me, but from that day on, my life could no longer live without light" - Du Xiaoyue
I was born in Huzhou, a prosperous small city in the Qingshan Mountains region - Tayang City.
In terms of background, I was called "Miss" at that time. My maids had a very detailed division of labor, including those who drank tea, wiped faces, pinched waists, and beat legs. No one would willingly serve others, especially a person of the same age. , even the juniors, however, they had to lower their heads, because my father is Du Sheng, the lord of Tayang City.
At that time, I didn’t realize that people could grovel in order to survive. I would talk with the young masters or the ladies about the life and death of the ancients, what is heroism, what is loyalty, but at that time, outside the window, there was an Eleven The two-year-old little maid was shaking her legs and climbing a tree as high as the roof of the building just to get the paper kite hanging on it for me. I didn’t remember whether the kite was brought back or not, and I also forgot that the little maid had. I didn't get hurt because at that time, I didn't care and didn't think about it. The vigorous life and death I was talking about with others was actually happening right next to me.
It seemed that the maid was not dead. Then I thought about it. If she had been seriously injured or died from her fall at that time, maybe it would have sounded a wake-up call for me and would not have caused me such pain in the future. And despair, look, how selfish and shameless I am, everyone will raise their scornful chin for these thoughts of mine, they will point at my nose, call me cold-blooded, call me a bitch, these righteous Most of the people who are just and great like the ones engraved on the tablet have never experienced real death.
die? alive? No one is born to understand their meaning, and I am no exception, until that day
That day, the sky was very clear, and even if there was wind, it made me very happy, because it was my fifteenth birthday. Every year, I have been waiting for surprises from my father and mother, although in fact I didn’t know anything. There is no shortage, but I always look forward to what I don't get. That day, I got another "surprise", but that terrible "surprise" came suddenly, like a sudden rain and thunder, splitting my life apart.
Will you accept it? On your birthday, someone you didn’t see with your own eyes, and a thought quickly appeared in your mind, "Dead, father is dead, mother is dead, they are all dead, everyone you know is dead, your home , the city where you grew up turned into a sea of fire."
It was really like a purgatory experience. When I stood next to purgatory, the first thing I did was not cry or shout, but just stay silent, because there were many lives ending at my feet, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know how many maids ran away crying, and I don’t know how many people knocked me away while running for their lives. I couldn’t shed a single tear, even though I had repeated it thousands of times in my heart: “It’s gone. Nothing is gone, everything is dead!”
Some people say it was a natural disaster. Unfortunately, I don’t believe in the existence of God. I once read many stories in the collection of books at home. One story impressed me deeply. It talked about all the things that we are not aware of. , will be regarded as supernatural beings, but in fact, they are just ordinary and normal things that another group of people are doing. I guess no, I believe that there is a group of hateful guys who stand behind us. The invisible sky brought an irreparable disaster to my homeland. This disaster made me an orphan and caused countless people to die. But for those guys, this incident may be like a common occurrence. If I step on an ant to death, its brothers and sisters will suffer and collapse, but for me, I am just walking.
But I know these things, what can I do? I can't do anything
That day, the fire continued to burn. I sat blankly next to the sea of fire, watching the almost burnt people rushing out and falling down. They died vigorously, and the painful shouts were like the cicadas in midsummer. After I got used to it. , even if I can hear it all the time, there is no response in my head. What should I do? Where should I go? As a former "young lady", I know poetry, calligraphy and painting, and am also good at playing the piano and dancing. Will it be useful?
I thought about a lot of ridiculous things, thinking that I had an ordinary face, not even as good as my own maid. The other young masters stayed with me because of my father, but now my father is gone, my family is gone, and of course, all the young masters are also dead. Well, at that time, I was sitting on the roadside and saw a person.
That was a man, a young man to be precise. I had never seen him before. According to my memory, he should be the same age as me. He walked step by step from the sea of fire with his hair disheveled, barefoot and ragged. When he came out, my almost stiff brain finally started to move slightly again. He just walked out like this? There were no sparks on his body, and his skin was dark, but just dust. He looked like a soulless body. Every time he took a step, his lips would open and close, muttering something inaudible. I thought at that time, he should be scared out of his mind. , but he was so lucky, he survived in that purgatory.
When he passed by me, I inadvertently discovered that there was a bead of light suspended in his disheveled head. I quickly checked everything in my mind, a pearl of night? Jade? Gold and silver?
At that moment, I understood that I had always been short-sighted. I have never praised people who practice Buddhism. In my eyes, they are all reckless people and fake people who regard human life as nothing. However, we who seem to be glamorous and beautiful are the guys living at the bottom of the world. We see The invisible things are the purest things on the surface of this world. Who brought the natural disaster to Tayang City? If I were still an ordinary person, I would never know the answer.
Therefore, I left my hometown, and I will not join any sect in Huzhou, because those practitioners have no understanding of the natural disasters in Tayang City, and even some ridiculous sects are still behind that purgatory. Looking for so-called treasures in the wreckage.
I want to go out to a wider world, to a world that can explain this natural disaster, to learn the art of spiritual practice. I made an oath to survive and to solve the mystery of the destruction of Tayang City.
I had seen the sea, but I never imagined how vast it was. I was so confident that I only brought three days of food and four days of water, and rowed a brand-new, "palm-sized" boat out to the east of Huzhou. . I encountered huge waves on the first night. I sank into the water more than ten feet deep. It was useless to struggle. I didn’t even dare to close my eyes. At that moment, I thought about what would happen after death, and no one would remember my existence. , if I were a prominent figure, then my death would have been talked about and regretted by people for several years. However, I don’t want to be written into a book and let my death be mentioned on other people’s lips. Only then will I know what happened in the past. How stupid I am, how difficult it is to survive, but I am willing to give everything to survive!
However, I did not die. This was really a miracle. The waves rolled me up, but the small boat was undamaged and carried me again. I thought, this should be the lesson that life has taught me, it must Let me know that living is a luxury. With no food and no water, I cut off my sleeves and fished for fish. I fished for all living sea creatures, whether they were eaten raw or swallowed alive, as long as they kept me alive.
I had long forgotten the time. That day, I saw Lu Di again.
If there is fate in this world, then I must have caught a thread in fate, and I returned to my "hometown". This country is called "Tayang Kingdom". You can't know how excited I was at that time. I think it was fate. This is an iron-clad fact that confirms my thoughts. All this cannot be an accident. My hometown did not suffer a disaster for no reason. It must have been a disaster. Is it some kind of arrangement, man or God? No matter which one it is, I want to become stronger! If it is a human being, I will surpass him and kill him. If it is a sky, I will fly into the sky and step on the top of the sky.
I met a lot of friends. The people here are very realistic and mature. Even a girl of eleven or twelve years old understands what it means to live, because here, women have no freedom and no rights. We I would be captured as a slave, serve men, do hard work, or die directly. I understood that the outside world is more cruel. This did not scare me, but made me excited, because the world is more different from what I know. , the closer I get to the truth of the world, I will become stronger in the future! Become stronger! Become stronger again!
However
When a group of people and I were pushed to the entrance of the mine, I almost despaired. My hope was in the sky, but the way I wanted to go was underground, in the darkness.
Without any preparation, when I came back to my senses, I was already in darkness. I was very scared because I could smell the stench of corpses. I collapsed. How on earth would I, a woman, a seventeen-year-old woman, survive underground? I knew what would happen to the slaves here. We would go crazy in the dark, and we would fight for the grass in the veins. Losing our humanity, we will eat people, corpses, and everything we can eat. As long as I want to survive, I have to become a monster, a beast, eat smelly meat, and even, as rumored, eat each other's arms. eating internal organs and excrement
My faith was defeated at that moment, I wanted to live!
call
A bit of fire bloomed among us. We were stunned and subconsciously rushed towards it. One person shouted: "Don't move! Keep the fire, this is our hope of survival!"
Everyone was stunned, and we cautiously regarded that little bit of fire as our most precious thing.
"Everyone, I am a bucket man. I know a little bit about underground ways. We all want to live. I have flint, but there are not many things to burn. Each of us will gather a little and light some fires every once in a while. Everyone will definitely Don’t give up hope, remember what we want to do most, there are many mineral veins here, let’s dig elsewhere.”
That man's words kept ringing in my heart, and I remembered the reason why I went to sea again, and I remembered my hometown-Tayang City.
I don’t know how long I stayed underground, but my eyes were still bright. We ate grass without any fight. Although we were all going crazy with hunger. If someone died, we would move our tired hands and feet to go Dig a hole and bury him. Digging a hole in the ground is ridiculous, but there is nothing you can do.
When we were close to the edge of collapse, we tore off a piece of cloth from our clothes, lit it with a flint, sat quietly and stared until the fire went out. My hope became increasingly slim, but it was still there. I thought, if the fire never ignites, I will definitely go out, definitely! must!
That day the fire grew stronger and became light.
I never knew what kind of power light would bring me, but from that day on, my life could no longer live without light.
