"How do you feel now?"
In the bright consultation room, Dr. Lin asked with a smile. His voice was soft, his expression was warm, and his eyes showed concern, just like an old friend greeting someone he hadn't seen for a long time, giving people a feeling of spring breeze.
"My current condition couldn't be better."
Xiaojie looked straight ahead, looked at Dr. Lin, and said with a smile.
He glanced around the room with his peripheral vision. Everything seemed so familiar, even the chirping bird outside the window had not changed at all.
Sitting here again after three months, he suddenly felt like he was in another world.
Now, his hair is cut into shorts, his skin is smooth, his shirt is white and straight, exuding the smell of soap, and he looks full of energy.
"Actually, I'm not here to see a doctor today, but to report to you on the recent situation. By the way, I'll see if cognitive behavioral psychotherapy can be continued before new anti-social terrorism drugs are launched."
Xiaojie continued, his speech and behavior became much more natural, he no longer avoided other people's eyes, and he spoke calmly without any embarrassment.
"Wow, you really gave me a big surprise. You look completely recovered now, even better than normal."
Dr. Lin looked surprised and joked: "So the results of that clinical trial are really so good?"
Xiaojie looked grateful: "It's very good. It can be said that it saved my life."
Dr. Lin showed an interested expression and said, "Do you mind talking about it? Although I have recommended some patients to participate in this clinical trial, I am not the doctor in charge of clinical trials after all. I only have positive feedback from the hospital. Come back to me." There seem to be very few patients.”
Xiaojie nodded and explained his treatment process.
"In fact, I didn't expect the effect to be so good."
"In the beginning, I actually went there with the mentality of breaking the can and breaking it. I thought about destroying it. Anyway, my life would not get any worse."
"After taking the medicine for the first time, I had no reaction. I returned to the ward, lay on the bed, put on headphones, and watched a series of episodes for a day. This is how I usually spend my time at home."
"Because the doctor in charge of the clinic said that psychotropic drugs have a relatively slow onset of action. They only enter the bloodstream when they are taken. How do they break through the blood-brain barrier, reach the brain, and then reach abnormal brain areas and react to neural activity? It’s a relatively long process, so I don’t want to be impatient and let’s eat it for a week first.”
"I thought the doctor must know more than me, so I didn't think much about it. I only took medicine, ate, slept and watched TV shows every day."
"After a day or two, some patients with social fears like me came to the ward one after another. They were all fellow patients. Everyone understood each other and didn't speak much to each other. The overall atmosphere was relatively silent."
"I don't love anyone with my headphones anyway. I'm just immersed in my own world."
"I don't know when it started, but I think it was less than a week ago," Xiaojie said with a thoughtful look on his face: "That night, after I took a shower, I didn't bring headphones. When I passed by the hospital bed next to me, I saw someone else's cell phone. I went to the familiar game interface and asked casually without thinking too much."
"Brother, are you also playing the King? Do you want to play in double queue?"
"As soon as these words came out, I was stunned for a moment, and my whole body was stunned."
"I know very well that in the past, I would not have looked at him at all. I would have lowered my head and sneaked back to my bed like a thief. Then I would have immediately covered my head with the quilt and hid in the bed to watch the show."
"I used to play mobile games with my classmates, friends, and colleagues for a few years, but I stopped playing after I resigned last year because every time I went online, someone would send me a team application. It was really annoying."
"I really didn't understand at the time. How could I ask a stranger, no, a stranger patient, if I wanted to play games together?"
"I'm not that kind of person at all. I even hate strangers looking for me."
"And you know, when I said this, there was no disturbance in my heart, no uneasiness, no nervousness, and no fear. It just seemed normal."
"The funniest thing is that I wasn't scared, but my patient was."
Xiaojie couldn't help laughing and said: "He looked at me in shock and his expression was very nervous, as if I took out a knife and wanted to do something to him."
"I looked at his frightened little eyes, and I just felt funny. Then I remembered, ah, this is how I used to be in the eyes of others."
"Then he didn't dare to look at me, so he turned his face away and said in a low voice, 'Okay, okay.'"
"I really felt like I was looking in a mirror, and I could see my own reflection in others with every move I made."
"Seeing him like this, I knew he must be feeling bad, so I didn't bother him anymore and went back to bed to do other things."
"Although I looked calm, I was actually really excited. I stayed up all night that day, played games all night, and kept teaming up with strangers. Although I didn't have audio, I was able to communicate with my teammates through typing."
"That's it, until the next morning, when I was so sleepy that I fell asleep."
"After I woke up and looked at the sunlight coming in from the window, I suddenly felt like seeing the sun again."
"I rushed to get checked out. The doctor was very happy when he found out. He said that I was one of the fastest-acting patients and asked me to continue taking the medicine."
"At the end of the first week, about half of the people have gradually improved. They are no longer as autistic as before. Although they can't say hello when they meet, they can at least smile and no longer pass by each other with a straight face like they haven't seen anyone before. And passed."
"The remaining half of the people may have some effect. I can feel it. It seems that they are not so scared, but it is not too obvious."
"Then I brought enough medicine for one cycle and went home. When I left, I had an idea in my mind about adding the WeChat accounts of these patients, but I gave up after thinking about it."
Dr. Lin listened carefully and suddenly asked: "During the whole process, did you just take medicine without any other cognitive behavioral psychotherapy?"
Xiaojie nodded: "No, just take medicine."
Dr. Lin showed a hint of surprise: "In just one week, there was a significant improvement. This result is amazing."
Xiaojie said excitedly: "Yes, you think so too. I was so happy at the time and felt that I really came to the right place. This clinical trial is really the wisest decision I have ever made."
His face was filled with contented happiness: "After I went back, I was full of confidence. I took my medicine on time every day. I was very active in recording my health, as if I was writing a diary. The feedback was very timely. I checked every time I went back." Doctors always praise me."
"One and a half months later, after the first course of treatment, I walked down the street and no longer had the fear of facing crowds."
"I tried to go to a nearby vegetable market to buy groceries. Looking at the noisy and lively crowds and the aunts bargaining loudly, I felt very calm. I only needed a few short words to complete the difficult task of shopping with ease. operate."
"Of course, because I have been living at home for a long time, my speech is not very convenient. There is no problem in daily life. More in-depth communication may not be possible yet. But I am very confident."
"Not long after, the second course of treatment began."
"I returned to the hospital early and saw those familiar faces in the ward. Sure enough, when they appeared this time, they all looked much more natural."
"We greeted each other easily, feeling like we were reunited with old friends. This time we gathered together to discuss the changes in our condition. It felt really amazing."
"I never thought that communication between people would be so easy and natural."
"My mentality at that time was like a social machine with no emotion. All the negative emotions such as fear, nervousness, and uneasiness seemed to be filtered through a dense net, leaving only other emotions."
"Now I know how good it feels to be fearless."
"As long as I stop being afraid, I can do anything."
Dr. Lin said thoughtfully: "The emotion of fear is a product of evolution. All living creatures must remain alert to danger in the natural environment in order to survive. But for humans, the safety of modern cities is very high. So fear has no use, but will have a negative effect on some people."
Xiaojie nodded in agreement: "Doctor, you are right. In modern society, where there is food, drink and work, there are still existential crises. Fear has become a shackles on many people's hearts."
"I finally realized that only by letting go of everything and releasing myself can I achieve improvement."
"After the clinical trial ended, I started to submit my resume online and got some interview opportunities."
"I went for an interview before I came here. Although HR was very picky about me, I didn't take it to heart at all. I followed various strategies on the Internet and typed out what I had memorized, just like an open-book exam. It feels really good.”
Dr. Lin raised his eyebrows and asked, "Aren't you finished the clinic? Are you still taking medicine now?"
Xiaojie shook his head and said: "No, the doctor said that I can't take other medicines now. I have to go through a desensitization period. If the condition recurs in two months, the most I can do now is psychological treatment and consolidation." For a moment, that’s why I came to you.”
Dr. Lin felt relieved and continued to ask.
"So how do you feel now after this period of treatment?"
Xiaojie chuckled and said, "It's been three months since I first took this new medicine. It feels like time flies by so fast."
"I remember that when I first started taking medicines, I was still under a huge psychological burden. On the one hand, I was worried about the harm they would cause to my body, and I was afraid of various side effects and various discomforts."
"On the other hand, it is more of a psychological factor. Taking medication seems to indicate that I am sick. If I take too much, I will worry about dependence and addiction."
"However, after these two courses of treatment, none of the things I worried about happened."
"During that time, taking medicine was just like wearing glasses for a short-sighted person. It was a normal need for me, because wearing glasses made me see clearly, made my life more convenient, and alleviated many symptoms. Keeps me functioning throughout the day.”
"That's it, nothing special."
"As for now," he tilted his head and thought for a moment before saying, "I am like a myopic person who underwent laser surgery and his vision suddenly improved from 0.1 to 2.0. The whole world became clear and I could do anything with ease. ”
He shrugged and smiled broadly.
"The biggest feeling now is that it's not a big deal."
"Since I accepted the reality that I am sick and need to take medicine for treatment, I feel much more comfortable than before."
"Because my life is not just about pain and medicine. If I can only see pain, then life will only be painful. If I can see other things, life will still remain as colorful as it is."
Seeing that this twenty-year-old young man was no longer depressed and had regained the unique vitality of his age, Dr. Lin showed a happy smile.
"However, you also know that mental illnesses are difficult to be completely cured." He considered the words and asked softly: "Then if the illness recurs again and I have to continue taking medicine, is it acceptable?"
Xiaojie spread his hands, the smile on his face remained unchanged, and he looked indifferent, as if on a blind date, the girl opposite asked "Can I eat spicy food?"
"It's okay. It's normal to take medicine when you are sick. Just like you should take cold medicine when you have a cold, and antibiotics when you have an infection."
"After all, social fear is also a disease. There is a cure for this disease. I should be happy."
"We can only get better. There is no obstacle that we cannot overcome, and there is nothing that we cannot accept."
"I'm still young and anything is possible for me in the future."
Dr. Lin asked about some clinical details and looked thoughtful from time to time.
Xiaojie also answered all the questions cooperatively.
In this way, time passed unconsciously, and the medical treatment time was quickly over.
Xiaojie walked out reluctantly, stopped at the door, turned back and waved goodbye again.
He hummed all the way down the stairs, his fingers flying and sending text messages on his mobile phone.
Not long after, the phone rang suddenly.
After the call was connected, a pleasant female voice came: "Hello, is this Mr. Zhu Xiaojie? Congratulations, the interview this morning was successful. When can you join the job..."
At this point, Xiaojie couldn't listen to the rest of the words at all and could only keep nodding and saying, yes, yes, yes.
When he hung up the phone, he clenched his fists and almost jumped with excitement: "Yeah, I found a job."
At this time, another burst of urgent text messages came.
He opened WeChat and saw that it was a message from the girl he liked.
"The third part of "The Ball Run" was released recently. Have you seen it? I heard it's quite good."
Xiaojie immediately understood and quickly wrote back: "This movie is very popular. I was just about to watch it. Why don't we choose a different day and watch it together at night?"
"Okay, I just rewatched the first two movies over the weekend. They were really good."
"Me too, science fiction films have been getting better and better in recent years..."
He lowered his head while typing and walked towards the door, letting out a few chuckles from time to time.
On the third floor, Dr. Lin stood by the window, looking at Xiaojie's retreating back, the corners of his mouth slowly raised.
After a while, he turned around and sat down, gently tapping the button on the table.
"Next person!"
(End of chapter)
