By writing this, I have achieved a small goal of my original plan to write a book. I finally managed to update this volume daily, but I probably won’t be able to do it with the next volume, because the plot here was fully designed before I started writing it. There were actually a lot of foreshadowings and clues buried, and the key plot was only The two are Death of Ten Thousand Years and Death of Liu Bei. As for the writing, I feel quite satisfied with it.
But having said that, for me, writing this book is about moving from one satisfaction to another. Looking back, I may feel that there are many areas that can be improved, but in fact, I was in a very struggling state when I was dealing with it. Some readers said that I was deliberately disgusting readers, and my condition gradually worsened, but in fact I was tortured on myself. Now I feel more and more that the torture on myself is meaningful, and there are many things that I couldn't understand before. , I am now more and more able to face it calmly. This is the greatest significance of this book to me.
The design of Ten Thousand Years of Death came from my inspiration after reading "Anna Karenina" and "The Idiot". Karenin tried to save Anna after Anna cheated on her, but in the end he could only watch Anna go to the road of suicide. Mei Shi The Golden Duke tried to save Nastasya, but could not avoid the destined journey of destruction. The extraordinary attempts of the two human Jesus ended in failure, and even led to the self-destruction of part of his own spirit.
These two stories actually started the beginning of postmodern nihilism, that is, the failure of the sages is inevitable, the Tower of Babel will eventually be destroyed by the people, and only nothingness will exist in the end. When I think about the ending of my spiritual father, I actually somewhat agree with this point of view, but on the other hand, I am so eager to become a person like my spiritual father, which makes me very conflicted.
So I forced myself to design such a plot to ask myself, why do you yearn for such a thing that is destined to be destroyed? I couldn’t answer it at the time, but I still had to answer it through writing and forcing myself psychologically. When I started the book, I thought, if I can't find the answer by the time I write this plot, the book will be rushed out and this volume will be the last one.
But I finally convinced myself and gave myself an answer. In fact, when Dostoyevsky wrote "Crime and Punishment", he already pointed out that the only way to deal with life is to accept the situation, but the word "acceptance" sounds too timid and not brave enough, so I have never been able to agree with it. How unreasonable it is to be resigned. Why should no one understand the ending of a kind of fraternity that wants to transcend the universe?
But the day before I was about to die, I still understood, because humans are creatures of illusion, lives without reason, and they can think about whether there is a vast world in a grain of sand, and whether there will be two countries fighting a war on a snail's horn. . People will imagine that there is a big fish thousands of miles long in the sea, and then it turns into a big bird with wings that hang down from the sky, flying up to 90,000 miles with the wind. People will also imagine that the hieroglyphs they write are eyes that have been staring for five thousand years, ah, using dreams as horses, holding high torches. Therefore, the human heart itself is a kind of mistake, and it is also a kind of miracle. Even the existence of life itself is a kind of miracle.
This made me understand Shi Tiesheng's "The Temple of Earth and Me" again in my depression. He said that when he walked before, he didn't feel anything, but when he could only sit in a wheelchair, he understood the importance of having two good legs. When he could sit up before, he didn't think anything was wrong. But after he had to lie in bed with bedsores all over his body, he realized that being able to sit up was a miracle. Lu Yao wrote "The Ordinary World", saying that ordinary but not mediocre is also the same truth. Human existence is already infinitely great, so miraculous love itself is also sparse and ordinary. This is a kind of release of life vitality. As long as it can stimulate When a person is touched by life, his spirit can actually last no matter what kind of torture he experiences.
It was in this state that I convinced myself to write the chapter "Pheasant Slave" so that the story could be postponed for another three volumes. I personally felt that this was a success in my self-torture, which made me understand I have learned a lot of truths that I have not yet understood after reading them before. Although this understanding is too late to be reflected in the book, it can only be written in the summary at the end of the volume. Hey, I hope I can write it in the next book.
The design of Liu Bei's death was earlier. Although Liu Bei died a few years earlier than the original history, and was even the earliest among his brothers, he had no regrets. He defeated Cao Cao before his death, returned to his hometown, and had someone he could trust. Heirs and friends have followed him to success and fame. These are very simple emotions, but he did not have them in his original history, but they are all present in this history, so death is naturally simple for him. This is also my fantasy of an ideal life. As I write this, I suddenly feel a sense of completion, as if I too have such a life and have no regrets.
Of course, as someone who wanted to make up for Liu Bei's regrets, I still wrote about his defeat for a long time in the book. This made many people uncomfortable and questioned whether I was going too far. How do I put this? First of all, I really feel that Liu Bei’s performance in fighting is at the same level as in my book. Secondly, Liu Bei actually only loses to Cao Cao in this book. No matter how good he is against others, it is a draw. If I say that I use Liu Bei to help others every day, then, then I absolutely don't recognize it.
Speaking of which, that’s basically what I need to say. I found that every time I write a summary at the end of a paper, I rarely really summarize any ideas. I just tell everyone my thoughts on writing the book. It’s really a bit of a summary. Zhang Guanli wears it, so here it is changed to the words at the end of the volume. Finally, I want to say something. I watched "Chang'an 30,000 Miles" yesterday. I was very angry at the choice of the movie and couldn't help but miss a poem by Li Bai.
Last night at the foot of Wushan Mountain, the sound of apes could be heard in my dreams.
Peach blossoms fly over the green water, and I go down to Qutang in March.
The rain-colored wind blows away, traveling south and blowing the King of Chu.
Gao Qiu cherishes the jade of the Song Dynasty, and visits the ancient times to wear clothes. go to study
