Explanation on discontinuing updates for such a long time

Really ashamed.

The reason why I stopped updating for so long is because I have a problem with my personal mental state.

At its most severe, it was already bipolar disorder, which had a great impact on work and life. Friends who don’t know what bipolar is can understand it as a broken heart and obsession that creates demons.

As for the cause of the disease, it is related to my complicated personal growth environment, as well as various pressures at this stage, family members' lack of understanding and unwillingness to reason and communicate, etc. All kinds of negative factors accumulated, and in the end I couldn't bear it anymore and my mentality exploded.

When I first started playing, I would play games, watch short videos, or learn to cook. I don’t play anymore games anymore, and I haven’t logged in for almost half a year. I don’t even watch side videos anymore, they feel boring. I don’t even have to cook anymore, so I just have to eat every day. Even the group of authors haven’t spoken to each other for more than half a year.

I just feel... very tired.

Every day is tiring and depressing.

Obviously I don't do much, I spend most of my time playing with my phone or computer.

But, not happy at all.

I don't want to go out, and even resist going out. I lock myself in my room every day, which is dark and useless.

I have been tortured so much by this disease in the past few months. In addition to taking medicine and psychological counseling, I have also used some unscientific methods. During the most painful period, I had to listen to red songs every night to fall asleep.

The middle editor came to me several times and asked me to renew or start a new book. After being rejected several times, they all suspected that I had gone to another website.

no. I'm simply sick and can't write.

Later, the second fool (who became a top author after listening to my advice) was too worried about my state. His family happened to be on vacation in Hainan, so he asked me to come over and relax. When we met, he also complained about me: "Can you stop showing off your autistic face?"

It’s been too long since I’ve spoken to anyone, and my language function has deteriorated.

I stayed in Hainan for a while and discussed a lot of creative ideas related to writing. I have also watched a lot of them on various platforms, and I feel like I have rediscovered my love for it.

It can be seen that mentality has a great influence on writing.

I will strive to return to normal as soon as possible. I am grateful to everyone who is willing to continue to support me. If you feel that you have to wait and see first, you are not forced. It is indeed my fault and my problem. You still have the self-knowledge to admit when you are wrong and to stand firm when you are beaten.