It is extremely painful to ask for something but not get it, to give it up but not be able to give it up, and to get it but not hesitate to do so.
At this moment, Lu Jiuniang understood what she wanted and what the consequences would be, but she didn't even have the right to fight for it.
She doesn't dare to go!
She can't go!
This feeling of powerlessness enveloped her every moment, making her smile full of unwillingness and regret.
The wedding is approaching, and the entire Lu family is planning for her, and everyone is happy for her.
Only she knew that her heart was gray.
However, for her grandmother, her father, her mother, and the Lu family, she was always smiling.
Whenever she talked about getting married, she naturally behaved like a young lady, which made her grandmother happily say: "Jiuniang has been smart and steady since she was a child, and now she finally looks like a young lady after she gets married." It was full of reluctance and joy.
Although everything she showed was not her true reaction, she had to do this because she was always sensible and sensible.
She often comforted herself that this marriage would make her grandmother happy, satisfy her father, reassure her mother, and benefit the Lu family. It was worth marrying her.
After countless times of hypnosis, my inner thoughts became clearer and clearer, and I couldn't help but invite Xu Nuo over.
Xu Nuo stepped forward, hugged Lu Jiuniang, and said, "Look, Hu Sanniang is engaged to the person she likes..."
Halfway through her words, Lu Jiuniang raised her head and looked at Xu Nuo with tears in her eyes.
Lu Jiuniang said: "Hu Sanniang has two sisters who have already followed the family's arrangements to get married. She is younger in the family and does not need to be like me. Besides, a person like Mr. Beijiang, with such knowledge and reputation, who in Bianjing City The family doesn’t want him to be their son-in-law.”
Xu Nuo lowered his eyes and looked at Lu Jiuniang who was choking up while talking to her. While patting her back, she comforted her and said, "Okay, I will send this purse to him for you."
"You must hand this purse to him with your own hands. I only believe in you and don't dare to pass it through other people's hands. There is a letter in the purse that I wrote to him. After he reads it, you must watch him burn the letter. The letter must be burned." Lu Jiuniang repeatedly asked.
This is the boldest thing she has done since she was a child.
In September, she was going to get married. She shouldn't have these thoughts, nor should she write letters to the man next to her.
But she couldn't help but miss him.
Even though she knew that she would never have the chance to see him in this life, she still had the courage to write this letter.
This is an explanation for my admiration for more than a year.
Xu promised not to ask any more questions and nodded in agreement.
How much she wanted to tell Jiuniang and tell her uncle that Fan Zhongyan would become an official and participate in political affairs in the future. Although his official career was not smooth, he was worthy of the Lu family.
Then she thought about the historical tit-for-tat confrontation between her uncle Lu Yijian and Fan Zhongyan in the officialdom. Many years later, the dispute between Fan and Lu became widespread in the court, and Fan Zhongyan was demoted many times.
The family that Jiuniang is going to marry must be on the side of her uncle, and it is very likely that she will be the one who will cause Fan Zhongyan a big loss in the future.
In the days to come, Jiuniang may have many sad days.
She has followed her uncle since she was a child and knows much more about government affairs than ordinary students. Her father and the person he once admired kept arguing in the court, each holding his own opinions and refusing to give in to the other, which would definitely make her uncomfortable.
After saying some comforting words, Xu Nuo stood up and left. This was Lu Jiuniang's choice. She would not interfere or create conditions for the two to elope regardless of the future of the Lu family and Fan Zhongyan. She could only feel sorry for her from the bottom of her heart.
After returning home, Xu Nuo waited for many days, and finally waited until Mrs. Lu said she missed Erlang.
She immediately followed and said: "Why don't you go to Yingtian Mansion to see Erlang? I miss him too."
After hearing this, Mrs. Lu agreed, and the two packed their bags that night and set off early the next morning.
When they arrived at the academy, they asked the caregiver to ask Xu Pingqi to come out.
The two of them stood outside the carriage and waited.
Looking at the gate of Yingtianfu Academy and the lush trees on the other side, Xu Nuo couldn't help but think of the scene when he came here to look for his elder brother Xu Pingyi when he first entered Beijing.
At that time, there were so many women waiting for the eldest brother here. The eldest brother could easily marry a woman with good temperament, appearance, and status. But now she is thousands of miles away, guarding the small town in the west with the sand dust.
Xu Pingqi trotted out in his white school clothes. When he saw Mrs. Lu, he hurriedly saluted and said hello: "Mother, why are you here? What's going on at home?" There was a trace of nervousness on his fair face.
"Your sixth sister and I have missed you, so we came to see you." Mrs. Lu touched Xu Pingqi's shoulder affectionately.
Xu Pingqi glanced at Xu Nuo, and all he could think of was that you must have lured your mother here. What's your intention?
Xu Nuo shrugged and looked away calmly.
Mrs. Lu brought a lot of food, and Xu Pingqi's servant had to move it back and forth three times before moving it all back. Even a big box couldn't fit in it, and he even put a lot of food next to the desk.
Mrs. Lu first went to see Yan Shu, and then had lunch. After lunch, she went to Xu Pingqi's room to talk. As soon as she entered the room, she helped Xu Pingqi tidy up this and that, taught Xu Pingqi how to organize things, and told the book boy how to clean the room.
Xu Nuo excused himself that the room was stuffy and went out for a walk. He took this opportunity to look for Fan Zhongyan, who happened to be in the room.
Fan Zhongyan looked at Xu Nuo in surprise, saluted and asked, "Mrs. Xu Liu is here to look for Xu Erlang? His house is..."
Before he finished speaking, Xu Nuo glanced outside the room warily and said, "Let me in."
Ignoring Fan Zhongyan's surprise and the hand on the crossbar, she went directly into the room and closed the door. Looking at Fan Zhongyan who took a big step back with a puzzled expression, she directly told him the reason for her trip and handed him her purse.
Fan Zhongyan looked at the purse in Xu Nuo's hand and felt that his whole body was sweating and his breathing became rapid.
He wiped his sweaty palms with a handkerchief, took the purse, and opened the letter inside.
Lu Jiuniang's calligraphy was very beautiful, and her writing was neat and heroic. Fan Zhongyan read it for a long time with his hands raised.
Xu Nuo stared at his face, trying to find his attitude towards Lu Jiuniang's letter from his expression.
But his brows were kept tightly knitted, and there was no other expression on his face.
Xu Nuo was a little reluctant for Lu Jiuniang. She took such a big risk to express her feelings to him, but he reacted like this, as if this letter brought him a lot of trouble.
After reading the letter, Fan Zhongyan went to the desk to get a candlestick and light it without saying a word.
He sat in front of the desk, looked at the swaying candle lamp, took a deep breath, raised his hand and placed the letter on the firelight.
A thin piece of paper quickly turned into ashes.
Xunuo was surprised and asked, "Did she write something in the letter asking you to burn it?"
"No, but I must burn it to keep her safe." Fan Zhongyan looked at the letter that had been burnt to ashes, the corners of his mouth slightly raised, and a bright light seemed to flash in his eyes.
"Don't you want to stay and think about it?" Xu Nuo asked deliberately.
"I have memorized every word in the letter, so why bother with an extra piece of paper?" Fan Zhongyan blew out the candle, stood up, and extended his hand to say, "Ms. Xu Liu, if you have the chance to meet Jiuniang, , please tell her that I wish her peace and prosperity in her life."
