(God's perspective)
[That person’s self-report]
When I was very young, my parents went out to work, and they entrusted me to the care of my grandparents in the countryside.
"My child, if you study well, your parents will be happy and maybe they can come back to see you."
Those aging hands touched my cheek and held my hand.
My grandma's words began to imprison me throughout my childhood.
School is a place where tasks are assigned to be completed, and home is a place where tasks are completed and tasks are awaited.
[As long as my grades are good, people at home will praise me, and my parents will come back and praise me...]
I thought so, and continued to learn over and over again.
I don't like to talk, and naturally I don't have many friends. I think I'm already pretty good.
until--
"Do you recognize your aunt's son? Your aunt said that his son ranked first in the whole grade. He is really smart.
My baby is also smart, so why can't he be ranked first in the grade? "
All parents envy other people's children, and my grandma is no exception.
Ranked first in the whole grade...
"My baby is really good. He really got first place in the whole grade? Old man, look at the certificate here!"
Grandma showed off to the neighbors for a while, but as someone who did well in the exam... no one praised me, as if I could do it as a matter of course...
After I told my parents the news, they just said a perfunctory yes and hung up the phone.
…
I was only in fourth grade at that time.
"Look at your cousin, the one from your uncle's house. I went to his house for dinner a few days ago. That little girl is so dear, she can also sing, and her orchid fingers are so stylish!"
Grandma started again...
I……
I thought about not caring about it at the time, but I thought that if I could also sing, would my parents praise me like my grandma?
In the end, I secretly learned a few plays from TV programs.
But the final result is still no praise.
They would just say, yes, it’s good.
Never finds fault with me.
What I want is not this kind of heartless compliment...
I don't ask for much, but they never let me get what I want.
I can only obey them to grow myself.
What can I do? I was just an ordinary primary school student at that time.
In junior high school, everything began to change.
Because of my personality flaws, I have difficulty making friends.
There seems to be no tutorial or instructions for making friends.
So what should I do?
What are friends?
How can I make friends?
I even looked it up online.
The visible answer is nothing more than communication.
comminicate? What kind of communication can make people become friends?
common topic? what is that? How do I know that others know what I know?
Because of this entanglement, I was isolated in the class.
Everything began to change.
My parents came back and rented a house in the city and picked me up.
I don't know why, I wanted to see them very much before, but now I feel very strange when I look at them again.
Who are these two? My parents?
This was already the case at home, and I didn’t expect them to praise me. I had no choice but to focus on my studies.
It doesn’t matter if my parents don’t praise me, and the teachers, right? The teacher will definitely be able to discover my excellence and point out my mistakes!
I studied hard and got above-average grades, and from time to time I was among the top three in my grade.
"Teacher, I didn't bring the cigarette! I really didn't bring it! I picked it up from the ground!"
"Where did you pick it up?"
"Under his desk!"
Although that person is my classmate, I don't know his name.
During my year here at school I kept misremembering even the names of tables. Besides, I didn't say anything to them at all.
It seems that the targeting started from that time.
The teacher grabbed the classmate who falsely accused me and came to me, "Take out your schoolbag!"
I obediently took out my schoolbag.
They must have seen my weakness, my weakness of obeying everything...
Finally, the teacher found a lighter in my schoolbag that shouldn't be there.
I can't tell how the teacher looked at me at that time.
Suspect? disappointment? surprise? anger?
I can't understand.
Then my dad was called by the teacher.
I kept silent and became a weirdo in that family.
Coupled with some inexplicable persuasion from the teacher, it was confirmed that I smoked.
But they never knew that I would get asthma when I smell cigarette smoke and I wouldn't be able to breathe.
Adults will only think that I am sensitive to the smell of cigarette smoke, and they will not even suspect that I smoke.
At the end of the day, being bullied is one thing and another.
Active junior high school students can do anything, because they are ignorant and understand that they are still underage, and they can be forgiven no matter how excessive they do.
It seems that that’s when I started creating.
I wanted to be praised but was severely suppressed. Some people can stand up and face it, and some people will just fall into the swamp.
Through creation, I discovered a pure land.
I named it the Pure Land of Xuanruo.
In Xuanruo I will have friends who will praise me and point out my mistakes.
I was naturally happy at first, but gradually my rational self broke it.
Falseness is always false. How can it be true?
During the days when I was bullied, I relied on Xuanruo to survive.
When I got to high school, I never forgot anyone in Xuan Ruoli even if my classes were heavy.
I even had my own ideals for the first time.
【I want to turn them into reality! 】
But the reality is too scary for me now.
I write about it in all the stories I create.
Live, as long as you can survive, you can do whatever you want!
My studies have declined, and I can't find a way to get back to Xuanruo.
Lingering in the depressing and dark reality, finally one day I can go back and show off...
I really don’t deserve to be praised——
I can't do anything well——
My fault--
live--
I can’t go down any more——
At that time, I had been completely eroded by the abyss, until I heard the sound that stopped me from jumping off the building.
【Meow~】
People, the meaning of living will eventually change.
"Oh, by the way, you haven't eaten yet, right? The cat food is almost gone. I'll buy it for you another day -"
How was I able to put on that relieved smile? I am not sure as well.
It doesn't matter if there is no Xuanruo, let the people of Xuanruo fend for themselves.
I can just take care of my cat now——
——■
…
——I'm lucky... it's broken——
My cat is missing and I can't find it -
one day--
a week——
One month——
crazy! It drives me crazy! How could it leave me?
What should I do next?
What a survival! What a sad emotion! What a show! What an arrogance! all! It would be nice if they all disappeared!
All I want now is my cat—
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