Alas, it would be nice if I hadn’t watched "Awkward"...
Zhou Jiaqian thought about it and smiled to herself, wondering what nonsense she was talking about.
She knew in her heart that the film was really well shot. Although it put her in a difficult position now, it also reminded her of how painful it was from a child's perspective.
Yes, my son must feel aggrieved now. After all, as a mother, I scolded him so angrily at the school gate without asking any questions.
Zhou Jiaqian sighed again. This time, as a mother, she felt guilty for her child.
After a while, she turned on her desktop computer and looked for the URL in the favorites column.
That was the live broadcast room that Zhou Jiaqian accidentally discovered. There seemed to be no one in it. There was only a cartoon character humming a melody without words. It was very comfortable and peaceful.
Her eyes can't stand looking at the phone for too long, so she likes things that can be listened to in the background.
Now that I'm in a bad mood, it would be good to listen to it and take it easy.
Familiar chanting sounds floated out from the small speakers, and Zhou Jiaqian sighed, exhausted.
She originally planned to listen for a while, but when she felt less uncomfortable, she got up to wash the dishes and mop the floor, and took a pack of her son's favorite spicy sticks to apologize to him. But she was too tired now and really didn't want to move.
I sat paralyzed and listened until more than ten minutes later, the huge, shiny fox beast on the screen suddenly changed.
It slowly stood up from its prone position, and some fireflies surrounding it with ID names on them scattered around.
【? ? 】
[What happened, you thought I was dazzled]
[Is it originally an animation? 】
[Ah, ah, do you want to transform? Assault live broadcast? ! 】
[I quickly went to the group chat with Aite’s relatives and friends——! 】
People who were also working in the live broadcast room noticed the changes in the screen, and fans who were more familiar with virtual anchors immediately became excited, and the barrage pool was much more lively than before.
The fox beast stood up, and the soft and furry tail that was originally trailing behind him suddenly gathered a ball of light. The light was not dazzling, but it was eye-catching enough.
Zhou Jiaqian said "Huh", a little confused about the situation.
She doesn't often watch live broadcasts. She only knows that the live broadcast room of this account called "乐武YQ" often plays nice humming sounds, so she opens it from time to time to listen.
The unexpected change briefly attracted Zhou Jiaqian's attention. She looked at the screen as if watching a cartoon, watching the big snow-white fox grow a second fluffy tail.
[Lewu has been upgraded]
【Big fox! ! ! 】
[So soft and cute QwQ, I really want to rush over and bury it...]
[Does Firefly’s instructions still work? take off! 】
[Take off, take off]
[Let me see what I caught up with! 】
【Has the great fox god become a two-tailed fox todayヾ(??▽?)ノ】
[Waiting for Brother Ah Hui to show up, the social beast has been tired for another day and needs the live version of "So I Didn't Wash My Hair"]
There were many barrages floating on the screen. Zhou Jiaqian looked confused and a little funny, but also raised a little childish expectation.
The fox beast's two tails swayed slowly. I don't know whether the painting was too detailed or the technique was far beyond ordinary people. It looked extremely vivid, as if such a strange creature really lived in this screen.
The beautiful and elegant appearance and fluffy fur are as healing as a wonderful cute pet video. Just watching it gradually calms down.
The big fox slowly turned its direction, from facing the screen to facing the side, then raised its muzzle and let out a string of melodious moans that were different from the voice just now.
Zhou Jiaqian raised her eyes in surprise. She liked the fox beast's usually ethereal and clear voice, but she also felt that the new voice had a more real feel to it and sounded closer to him.
The fluorescence gathered, and the singing fox beast was gradually wrapped into a gentle and bright cocoon of light. Then the light cocoon gradually changed, becoming more and more like the outline of a human.
Boom...
It seemed that the sound of the piano fell neither lightly nor heavily.
After a while, a similar sound sounded again. With each sound, the radiant human figure became clearer, and the fluorescent forest behind him also changed accordingly.
The barrage was already very lively at this time, and Zhou Jiaqian couldn't see through it, so she looked for the buttons and turned them all off, leaving only a clean picture.
Not long after, the "person" on the screen completely revealed his true appearance.
She had long hair, and she looked like a real person or a dummy in the comics. Her face was obviously quite young, but when she faced those eyes, Zhou Jiaqian felt a familiar aura, as if she was just like him, but she looked different. Despite his age, he has actually experienced a lot.
They looked at each other through a screen.
It's strange that it's just a fake character like an illustration, but Zhou Jiaqian can read the content from her gentle eyes and expression.
It's a feeling similar to... "inclusion".
The piano played again, and two lines of words appeared in the middle and lower part of the screen. The fonts were clear and easy to read.
After a while, the woman in the picture gently opened her lips.
"I used to shut my door, when my mother screamed in the kitchen."
[I once closed the door tightly to block out my mother’s sharp screams in the kitchen]
"I'd turn the music up, get high and try not to listen."
[I turned the music up as hard as I could, trying to immerse myself in it and not listen to the sounds outside the door]
"To every little fight."
【This is how to avoid every quarrel between parents】
"'Cause neither one was right."
【Because both of them are wrong】
This is the first foreign song that Zhou Jiaqian cannot understand at once.
But perhaps it was precisely because of this that when she listened to the song that was like a slow flowing spring water, she was able to focus more on the translated lyrics and subtitles.
In the picture, the woman in the form of a fox beast lowers her eyes and sings in a low voice. Her slightly hoarse voice has a special paper texture, like opening a book of time, and gently touching the slightly curled paper at the corners with her fingertips. touching.
Zhou Jiaqian's breathing was a little heavy. She was pulled by the singing and lyrics, recalling the time when she was helpless when her parents quarreled.
She seemed to be able to see a little girl sitting upright, lowering her head and working hard on her homework, for fear of being suddenly angered and being burned by the flames of war; she could see a teenage girl putting on headphones and turning the MP3 volume to the maximum, trying to cover up the harsh quarrel, even if My ears and head were stinging from the shock, but I couldn't bear to turn down the volume; I could also see a college student in his twenties who was irritated and sad because of the scoldings coming and going outside the room, so he could only huddle in the bed and pretend to be asleep. , but tears flowed down uncontrollably.
"I swore I'd never be like them."
【I swear I will never become like them】
"But I was just a kid back then."
【But I was just a child at that time】
Zhou Jiaqian's eyes suddenly turned red.
"Swear to never become like my parents"... Yes, she used to think so too.
She never wanted to be as sensitive, irritable, and neurotic as her mother, and she never wanted to marry a man as rude, selfish, and inconsistent as her father.
But how serious is the impact on the original family?
Even though Zhou Jiaqian has grown up and started working, she is still incredibly contradictory. On the one hand, she is too slow to understand other people's emotions, and on the other hand, she is extremely fragile and sharp.
If she hadn't been lucky enough to meet her husband, she might never have learned how to love someone well and be loved by him throughout her life.
The accompaniment disappeared for a moment, leaving only the woman's ethereal and graceful voice.
Immediately afterwards, the drums joined in, but the melody was not intense. It still gently supported the vocals and turned into the chorus.
"The older I get, the more that I see."
[As we get older, we gain more experience]
"My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me."
[I realized that my parents are not heroes, they are just ordinary people like me]
"And loving is hard, it don't always work."
[And giving love is difficult, not everyone can persist in doing it]
"You just try your best not to get hurt."
[You can only try your best to protect yourself from harm]
Zhou Jiaqian pressed her chest and lowered her eyebrows.
This is exactly what she realized today. Just like her mother was to her, just like she was to her son.
It’s not that they no longer love each other, it’s that the love that parents have for their children has been temporarily suspended due to exhaustion from work, social life or other external things.
After all, it's really hard to love someone wholeheartedly all the time.
We are all ordinary people. We all feel uncomfortable and tired, and there are times when we cannot muster the strength to love others.
Zhou Jiaqian also understood in her heart that although she lived in an ordinary family, she was not like Liang Susu who lacked love from childhood to adulthood.
She remembers her father bending down to let her ride a big horse, and she also remembers her mother secretly cooking her favorite dish and bringing it out of the kitchen as a surprise to celebrate her admission to the best high school in the city.
A family is always full of ups and downs, with love and resentment intertwined.
The reason is simply that we are all ordinary people, and no one is the ideal and perfect hero.
Zhou Jiaqian's thoughts drifted away, and when she came back to her senses, the next verse of the verse had already begun to be sung.
Realizing that she seemed to have missed a climax, Zhou Jiaqian was surprised and a little helpless, but her mood was not so impatient. Perhaps because the voice and melody were full of tolerance and gentleness, she also put down her harsh judgment on herself and became much more relaxed.
"I used to wonder why, why they could never be happy."
[I used to be confused as to why my parents always looked so unhappy]
However, when the first sentence appeared, Zhou Jiaqian inevitably smiled bitterly.
How can it be so real!
She immediately realized, yes, would this be what her son saw about her and her lover?
The two of them, running between work and family, rarely smile to their children...
"I used to close my eyes, and pray for a whole 'nother family."
[I once closed my eyes and prayed to live in another family]
“Where everything was fine.”
【A family where everything goes well】
"One that felt like mine."
【A family that gives me a sense of belonging】
"I swore I'd never be like them."
【I swear I will never become like them】
"But I was just a kid back then."
【But I was just a child at that time】
The heart seems to have turned into a harp. Every time the woman in the picture sings a line, Zhou Jiaqian resonates with the heart strings.
She did think so when she was a child.
She was saddened by her parents' bickering every day and their censure of her. She always thought, "It would be great if she could be born in another harmonious home" and "I really don't want such parents anymore"... ...But in the end, she has understood that a perfect family does not exist in this world.
Another chorus surged like a tide. Zhou Jiaqian raised one leg and stepped on the chair, hugging the knee and humming softly along with the melody.
The image created by this song is very strange. Like the singer's voice and image, it seems real, as if he is recounting his own life experience, but also ethereal, as if he is floating in the air now and looking at the past.
It seemed to have magic power, like a ray of sunlight passing through the ruins, illuminating the broken walls, and coating the mottled broken walls with warm colors. It was an indescribable, small shock, which made Zhou Jiaqian's impetuous and tired heart My heart calmed down and I took a breather from the self-tension just now.
"I used to be mad, but now I know."
[I used to feel resentful, but now I understand]
"Sometimes it's better to let someone go."
[Sometimes the better choice is to let him go]
"It just hadn't hit me yet."
[It’s just that I hadn’t experienced this yet]
"The older I get."
[I didn’t understand all this until I grew up]
The climax of the second half that was missed due to distraction was completed at this time. Zhou Jiaqian looked at the lyrics on the screen and slowly blinked her eyes.
The better option is to just let him be...
She could see the barrage pools jumping up and down to the side, and she also saw many people sharing their family experiences, either feeling sad or sighing, thanking the "Le Wu" for their comfort, or reflecting and being grateful to them. Parents are considerate.
Zhou Jiaqian still wanted to refute subconsciously. She resisted the idea that "'understanding parents' is the right thing to do, and every child will do this in the end." Even though she is now a mother.
Then the song spoke to her softly but firmly:
It's okay, just let him be.
It’s okay not to forgive, and it’s okay not to want to understand.
It is difficult to make a clear distinction between right and wrong between parents and children. No one or thing forces you to reach reconciliation with your parents and yourself.
It’s okay to not have an answer, it’s all in the past, let it go and let it go.
Zhou Jiaqian sniffed and lowered her head.
Her eyes were red, but she didn't cry. Because this song is not tear-jerking or sensational, it just flows through her ears lightly and tolerantly and pours into her heart.
If Qin Yuqiao could talk directly to her former daughter and current mother, she would gently hold her hands and let her know:
The power of acceptance is more important than comfort, encouragement and guidance.
It's not "What do you want" or "What should you do", but he says to you with a soft smile, "It doesn't matter, it's okay for you to be like this now."
Zhou Jiaqian felt an indescribable sense of security.
It was obviously just a song, just a virtual person she didn't know, but it made her feel at ease at this moment. She let go of the pressure on herself and could relax and breathe.
At this moment, a slight "squeak" sound came.
Zhou Jiaqian turned around and saw her little carrot-headed son standing awkwardly by the door that had been opened a crack.
"Mom." He raised his eyes carefully, "I, I washed the dishes and finished my homework."
"When school was over today, I saw Teacher Wang from the next class holding a bunch of exercise books and papers that were difficult to handle, so I went to help her. I forgot to tell you..."
The little boy lowered his head and wrung his fingers: "I'm sorry for making you worry."
Zhou Jiaqian's lingering tears suddenly fell down.
She rushed over in small steps, opened the door, squatted down and hugged her child, stroking the back of his head with her palms.
"I'm sorry, Qiangqiang, it's not your fault, it's mom who's too anxious."
Zhou Jiaqian pressed her cheek against her son's forehead, "Mom shouldn't criticize you without asking anything. I was very tired at work today and couldn't control my emotions, so I got angry at you."
She let go of the child, smiled slightly at him with tears in her eyes, and said softly:
"Mom forgives Qiangqiang for doing other things without saying hello. Now that mom is apologizing to you, can you also forgive mom?"
The little boy's originally worried eyes gradually became calmer under Zhou Jiaqian's sincere gaze. He blinked, said "ok" obediently, and leaned in close to his mother.
"Mom, don't cry. If you cry, Dad will feel bad."
He awkwardly stretched out his palm to wipe Zhou Jiaqian's tears, "I promised dad that I would take good care of you when he is not at home."
Zhou Jiaqian burst into laughter and chewed her son's forehead loudly.
People often say that the misfortunes of the original family will continue to the next generation of families. Just now Zhou Jiaqian herself reflected on this. She was inevitably disappointed with her current self, which was very similar to her mother, and she also lost some confidence in the future.
But now, as she held her son's hand and walked towards the snack basket, she suddenly felt that the past was nothing.
Her child is still young, and she can let go of her worries and try to be a more gentle, patient, and reasonable mother than her own mother.
Then, starting from her son's generation, she and her husband will work together to give their children a home where their hearts will not stop because they accidentally broke dishes or spilled drinks, or where they would not feel short of breath or depressed.
A harmonious and happy home.
