A household in a certain family building in a certain province, a certain city.
There was a lock sound, and Zhou Jiaqian opened the door and let the child carrying a schoolbag in. Then she closed the door herself, stepped on her heels at the entrance, kicked off the shoes on both feet, and stepped on her slippers.
She took a small breath before speaking, and the final sound was still very soft.
"Go do your homework." Zhou Jiaqian said tiredly.
She didn't look over there when she spoke, but just glanced at the wall of the living room in a daze, and finally her eyes fell on the entrance of the kitchen, put down her commuting bag and walked over.
The child wearing a red scarf secretly raised his eyes, afraid of meeting or failing to meet his mother's eyes.
Seeing that Zhou Jiaqian had left after speaking, he pursed his lips, but his mood was not as happy as expected and became even lower.
The child lowered his head, carrying his schoolbag and tugging on his slippers as he walked into his small room.
Wash rice, cook, shred, and stir-fry.
Zhou Jiaqian's lover is on a business trip these days, and she has to take care of the child alone.
The relationship between this couple is very good, not to say sweet, but also warm and normal. They have been married for ten years and their son is in the second grade of elementary school.
One of Zhou Jiaqian's colleagues was a bitch. A few days ago, he was clamoring about Qin Yi Technology's V blog. It seemed to be a drama. Zhou Jiaqian didn't like to watch those family ethics, but the colleague insisted:
"Oh, you have to see, there is a man here who often travels for business. In the end, he seems to have cheated on him because of the hard work. Wouldn't it be a good idea to watch him early? Let's give him a heads up."
Zhou Jiaqian listened helplessly, but couldn't resist her enthusiastic recommendation every day, so she read "Embarrassed" piecemeal during her work break.
Her husband knew it well. Zhou Jiaqian knew that the family situation between her and her lover was different from that of Li Zhang in "Embarrassed". Therefore, she did not have a bad feeling towards Li Zhang and Chen Shufang. She only felt that they were both miserable people.
Unexpectedly, it was the story of Liang Xing and Liang Susu that made her breath tight and she closed the video page before finishing it.
Zhou Jiaqian was born in a very ordinary family.
The relationship between parents has long been dulled by the daily necessities of life, and it is more like living together, so they have a big quarrel every three days and a small quarrel every two days.
As their child, Zhou Jiaqian has experienced happiness and misfortune.
Most families in the Dragon Kingdom seem to be like this. There are countless knots between parents and children.
Those who are as sharp and extreme as the Liang family's father and daughter are mostly in a desperate situation, but more families are stumbling, getting angry, getting close, complaining, and loving all the way, and just go down like this until their children have grown up. He's grown up and has a family of his own.
When Zhou Jiaqian was young, she also had hysterical arguments with her parents, but no matter how fierce the argument was, her life would still be like this. Now that she has a family and a career, she is a mother and has taken on the responsibility of supporting her two elders. She goes back to her hometown from time to time to visit, chat and take care of her.
After all, they are related by blood and have lived together for so many years, but the closest relatives are still different. Several pitted hearts collided together, and now they can still talk to each other intimately and familiarly, and there is nothing else to hope for.
When the rice cooker beeped, Zhou Jiaqian's breathing became tired, but the movements of her hands had already formed muscle memory. She filled the rice with vegetables and asked her son to go out for dinner.
Only the mother and son were silent at the dinner table. The son glanced at her from time to time while eating. Zhou Jiaqian was very tired today. She only got angry when she picked him up from school. The intense release of her emotions was enough to burn a person who had been working all day. With all the mother's strength, her body was tired and her heart was tired, so she didn't speak anymore.
After a while, the son put down his empty rice bowl and returned to his room silently.
Hearing the sound of the door closing, Zhou Jiaqian, who lowered her head to eat, sighed, covered the leftovers with a heat-insulating cover, and put the bowls and chopsticks into the sink to be washed later.
She returned to the master bedroom and sat quietly at the table.
It's hard to accurately describe Zhou Jiaqian's mood - her son's behavior today brought back old memories and she couldn't resolve them for the moment.
It's so simple that it's not even worth mentioning.
It was just that she was waiting at the school gate today, but she didn't see her son come out after waiting for a long time. She called the homeroom teacher and said that her son had left the classroom, so she was afraid and anxious to look for him. Finally, she heard her son shout happily at the school gate. "Mom", all the worries, fears and anger came up all at once, and she immediately cursed her son angrily, pulled his arm and walked home angrily.
On the way home, Zhou Jiaqian thought of "Embarrassed" and thought that everyone has a different perspective on everything and a different state of mind.
Then she thought of herself from her son.
She remembered that when she was a child, her mother was always in a hurry and walked very fast on both legs no matter what she did. Every time she picked her up from school, she would not hold her hand, but would just keep walking in front of her without turning her head. Back.
Zhou Jiaqian, who was still short at that time, could only see her back, more than ten meters away, following behind with short legs.
It was about the winter of the third grade of elementary school. Zhou Jiaqian forgot that she was distracted because of something in school. When she raised her head, she found that her mother's back was no longer in front of her. There was snow in front, back, left and right, and there were only some unknown people. Residential buildings and convenience stores.
She stood blankly at the fork in the path that was stepped on by pedestrians. She didn't know where to go, where her mother was, or how to contact her, so she could only stand there stupidly, waiting, and waiting.
After waiting for almost an hour, my mother's figure appeared in the distance. Her face was red from cold or anger in the heavy snow.
She walked over quickly, pulled Zhou Jiaqian and started scolding her for not following her well, scolding her for losing even this.
Zhou Jiaqian listened with her head down, tears welling up in her eyes. She wanted to explain that you had never looked back or noticed that I was missing immediately, so why are you scolding me now.
But she couldn't say anything, so she could only cry and be pulled home by her mother, sobbing and wiping tears along the way.
It was a small thing, but it was a thorn in Zhou Jiaqian's heart. Whenever she thought she had forgotten it, she would suddenly think of it late one night, and then she would feel aggrieved and sad, and could not sleep irritably.
It's like parents always have a way to suddenly pour cold water on their children when they are in a good mood, and then the children immediately stop smiling and have a heart attack for a whole day or even many days.
In an instant, time stopped and the pendulum reversed. Zhou Jiaqian became a mother, and her son was as old as she was back then.
As the saying goes, when their children become parents, they can understand the painstaking efforts of their parents.
Zhou Jiaqian thought that this was true.
Because she finally knew how she felt when she couldn't find her child, the panic, anxiety, fear, the uncontrollable feeling of imagining countless horrifying scenes in her mind in just a few seconds, the uncontrollable fear that her son would be taken away by bad guys. The feeling of being gone and never coming back can drive people crazy in such a short period of time.
So, like her mother back then, she was afraid because she cared too much, so she became extremely fearful and angry, and finally poured out all her anger on her child.
It seems like things should end here.
Just like every heartwarming public service film that promotes filial piety and mutual understanding between elders and younger generations, the children who finally grow up feel the hardships of their parents back then, feel grateful, reach reconciliation, and usher in a happy ending.
But Zhou Jiaqian didn't want to do this, or in other words, she couldn't do it.
Yes, she understands the pain of being a mother and an adult, but wasn't the pain she felt as a child pain?
So sad.
Of course, people will most firmly believe that they are not wrong, or at least "not that wrong", so Zhou Jiaqian still felt that she was really innocent standing in the snow at that time, and she was really wronged when she was scolded.
Maybe I was distracted, and it was really her fault that I lost track of my mother, but I am also a child, can't I be distracted? Just distracted?
The thorn in Zhou Jiaqian's heart has told her this thousands of times, but now the situation has changed and she is standing in her mother's position. Similar feelings and realizations force her to admit, "There is a reason for her mother's anger. understood” and she wanted to forgive her mother.
This is asking her to deny herself.
Deny your grievances and the scars left in your heart, admit that you were wrong as a child, and that you should understand and be considerate of your mother.
This was Zhou Jiaqian's chaotic mood after returning home today.
She is a mother now, and she stands on her mother's side, but she was once a child, but she still stood on her mother's side.
Either deny who you are now, or deny who you once were.
How could there be something so disgusting, contradictory and irresolvable in the world?
Zhou Jiaqian, who was nearly forty years old, leaned back in her chair, tears slowly flowing down her face.
