(Tip: These two chapters may be a little depressing, but please don’t forget that without night, dawn does not exist.)
The entrance to this place behind them is like a small window. Outside that small window is a dark night, and in that dark night is a world they are not attached to. Somewhat sadly, all their hope lies within this small five-step square. But the gratifying thing is that the candlelight is still constant, which makes them still have a little extravagant hope.
The two worlds seemed to be connected only by a small hair. What they were thinking about at the moment was how to realize an entire world through this hair.
As soon as he heard Ms. Hershey's whisper, Sean opened his eyes in shock.
Moonlight saw his expression and thought that Sean had received enlightenment from God during the conversation and had hope of waking up. There was some surprise on his face: "How is it? What did the lady say?"
Sean looked confused and turned to look at Moonlight: "She said...she said this is the millionth time I've been here."
"Come here for the millionth time?" The surprise on Yueguang's face faded, and he blinked, "What do you mean? When did you come here, why didn't I know?"
Sean stopped talking and sat on the stone tooth under the edge of the wall. He blinked slowly, thinking about everything the goddess had said.
The moonlight did not disturb him. He went outside the cave, found the kettle they had collected and filled in the farmhouse, and the bread they had brought in the city, and climbed back into the cave.
Sean took the water handed over by Moonlight, took a sip, and said, "I think what she means is that I have followed candlelight to this place many times, and then looked for a way to return to that world...
"But until now we are still stuck here, which means..." Sean's expression turned worse, "which means that all previous attempts have failed.
"I was put back into the track of my previous life, and my previous memories disappeared..."
Moonlight forgot to close his jaw, and after a while he gasped in a low voice: "Failed more than a million times?"
"1.62 million times." Sean exhaled. He felt like all his strength had been drained out of him.
There was something warm in my heart, but it became colder a little bit. I originally thought that I could return to that world as long as I found the candlelight, but I didn't know that I had tried so many times and still hadn't succeeded...
What evidence is there to prove that we can achieve what we want this time?
Could it be that all we are doing now is just adding another meaningless count?
Why did it fail so many times? Is it impossible to return to that world?
…
Sean felt like a black hole had appeared in his chest, and that black hole was sucking away all the heat around him. It was a feeling so familiar that he felt it every time he had a bout of depression caused by memories of the past. It was as if my brain and body had fallen into icy water, dark and cold. He will sink to the bottom of the ice sea like a dead black stone...
"Sean!" Moonlight saw his companion fell into a trance. Somehow, he suddenly remembered the plot in the book, and pulled Sean, who was all cold, to kneel in front of the candlelight, "Tell me! Tell me to the goddess!"
Sean glanced at the moonlight numbly, then rolled his eyes to look at the goddess above, and finally began to describe his despair in his heart.
As he confessed, confessing that he had fallen into a swamp-like despair, he felt his body warm up, and a wave of heat from nowhere was filling the black hole. Although he couldn't see it, he felt the golden flames, and the flames gradually dispersed the dark clouds gathering in his chest. He's finally getting better.
"It's more useful than Valium," he joked. The medicine made him groggy, but talking made him peaceful and awake.
His whole body felt warmer, and Sean felt a little golden spark still burning in his chest, temporarily suppressing the dark clouds.
It's not easy to deal with in this world... He suddenly thought: In this world, he suffers from mental illness due to past experiences, and is prone to depression or panic attacks. It's like he has a soul-level curse for nothing...
Sean recalled his thoughts with some confusion: That seemed to be the way of thinking of the explorer? Is that world’s “Shaun Dickinson” thinking? He blinked, not understanding what was happening.
However, he knew he could move forward.
"Moonlight, I am ready to awaken my previous memories."
Moonlight, who was standing aside, was stunned when he heard this. He turned to Sean: "Are you sure?"
They had just discussed the dangers of doing so: "That's 1.62 million failures. So many failures will easily defeat any strong-willed person... Are you sure you want to do this?"
They actually have another option, which is to go back. Go back to Arkham, put your soiled clothes back where they belong, crawl back to your room, and swallow your pills in the morning...
Wait until you are discharged from Arkham, find a job, get married and have children, and live out your life. They still have this option. It sounds and feels much safer than experiencing more than a million failures.
But Sean's eyes were calm. He seemed ready to fail again.
"I can fail more than a million fucking times, which means I have tried more than a million times." He narrowed his eyes and said fiercely, "I'm not afraid of one more time."
After drinking some water, eating something, and adjusting to his condition, Sean half-knelt in front of the goddess.
I'm ready, please wake up those memories. He said silently in his heart.
…
The moonlight stared at Sean who closed his eyes and talked. It was quiet in the stone chamber. He suddenly saw Sean's shadow trembling. He thought it was the wind blowing the candle flame, but when he looked carefully, he saw that the orange light was very stable, and what was trembling was actually Sean's body.
"Sean?" he whispered uneasily. But got no response.
Sean, who was half kneeling on the ground, was shaking more and more violently. Unable to hold himself up, he fell to the ground on his side, convulsing all over as if having an epileptic seizure.
"Sean!" Moonlight shouted, trying to help Sean. But every muscle in the latter's body was trembling, and Moonlight holding his arm felt numb.
Just when he was at a loss what to do, he suddenly noticed that Sean's eyes were open. They were bloodshot eyes, and there was a smile on Sean's face. That smile Sean never showed, made him look like a different person.
He laughed wildly for a while first - Moonlight couldn't actually tell whether it was laughter or not, but the crazy curve of the corners of his mouth made him understand it to be laughter. Then, Sean opened his eyes wide and shouted, “It can’t be found!
"It's impossible to find it! Hahahahahaha..."
"impossible!"
"impossible!!"
"impossible!!!"
His voice was so rough and crazy that it bounced off the wall of the stone chamber repeatedly, making Moonlight's eardrums ache. All this frightened the pianist.
Sean...? Moonlight felt as if her heart was trying to escape.
Then, as if a sleepwalker's attack was over, Sean suddenly became quiet. He collapsed to the ground, motionless and silent.
Moonlight tried to push Sean. no response.
He tried to wake him up again, but found that he was not asleep, but unconscious - unable to wake up.
He swallowed and lost his mind. He was instigated by Sean to escape from the asylum, and he also followed the candlelight that Sean saw to come here...
He's passed out now, what should I do?
He had no choice but to close his eyes and imagine that he was playing the piano. The clear sound of the piano was a little intermittent and jerky at first, but gradually became smoother. His feeling of helplessness and panic also calmed down a bit.
Moonlight opened his eyes, he pushed Sean closer to the candlelight, and gave him a relatively comfortable position. He then turned to Ms. Hershey to "talk" in Sean's place, though he never attempted it.
This is the only way right now.
"Thank you for listening..." Moonlight imitated the description in Sean's book, performed a self-supporting salute, and then recited the words of Yefeng's faith somewhat awkwardly, and began to talk.
His request was simple: he wanted Sean to wake up, and when he woke up, the nightmare state just now would be far away from them.
When he talked, he felt bitter in his heart. Sean's sad laughter just now and his assertion of "impossibility" deeply impacted his heart, filling him with despair.
The memory of more than one million attempts brings the assertion of "impossible".
Even if it wasn't him who restored the memory, it was hard for him to accept.
Was escaping Arkham really the right decision? Is it better to discover the truth about this world and then know that you can never escape than to live in ignorance? …
Moonlight doesn't know. He could only continue to talk to the goddess with anxiety, over and over again.
