Another year has passed!
The mentally retarded ink still hasn't finished writing "The Demon", and the book friends around me come and go. After several rounds of reincarnations, I suddenly looked back and realized that this book was still living in the dim light.
Due to the slow update of ink, this book has not been completed for four and a half years. (It really is four and a half years from August 2013 to now, right? It’s impossible to calculate it wrong in such a simple way!)
During the long period of updating, the youth of ink has been poured into this book, and it must have been accompanied by the youth of some book friends.
There is obviously a festive New Year atmosphere around me, but for some reason, what comes to mind is not the happy memories, but the despair I felt when I first wrote this book.
That year, in the ward where my grandmother was in a coma, the doctor asked the family whether they should continue to maintain breathing or give up by extubating her. Want to give up? I saw my mother, uncle, and uncle all crying and all silent. No one wanted to give up, but they were too weak. Everyone was weighed down by the burden of life. No one dared to go bankrupt to let grandma live a few more days. .
At that time, I was so hateful and hated why they didn’t spend all their money to treat my grandma. If the treatment continued, there might be a one-in-a-million chance, or a million-to-one hope...
But when I realized how difficult life was, I realized that when they were silent, they were equally desperate and regretful. At that time, my uncle was unemployed and at home; my mother opened a small shop that recharged phone bills and earned only one thousand yuan a month; my brother-in-law's job only paid one or two thousand, and he didn't even own his own house until he was middle-aged, and he still lived with his grandmother. together.
They are not the rich people who spend a lot of money in CEO stories and TV series, nor are they the kind of protagonists in novels who sacrifice all the world to love one person. They are just ordinary people, people of flesh and blood, people who are obviously weak but strong enough to support a family.
In the end, they did not remove the tube, but they had no money to continue treatment.
So I was discharged from the hospital, bought an oxygen bottle and went home to give oxygen, so my grandma left.
Before my grandmother's death, my uncle cried heartbreakingly. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed that a normally arrogant man would cry like a fool. I think that at that time, my uncle was probably the most sad and regretful person. I hate my own ordinaryness, I hate my own weakness, I hate my own powerlessness.
We were all too weak. I was still a bit of a middle schooler at that time, so I thought so. Compared to my incompetent uncle and others, I couldn't even spend a hundred yuan to save my grandma.
So I secretly vowed that even if I wrote a small H article, even if I went down a dark path, I would still earn a little royalties to support my family.
It is precisely because of the instillation of this secondary mood and the early plot of the demon that Ning Fan becomes such a stubborn boy. His childish and imperfect character is actually just a microcosm of the author.
Therefore, Zhimo was not called this title at the beginning. It was just a small H novel. At that time, Ink was just a novice author who did not know how to foreshadow the plot. There was no book on the shelf, and his writing skills were limited.
At that time, when I saw someone commenting on the book review section, I was as happy as a fool. (Later on, I didn’t dare to read the book review section. I was timid and afraid of seeing negative comments)
At that time, the back disease was getting worse and worse, and the only hope was to write a book. (The back problem has basically been cured now. Apart from not being able to exercise strenuously, there is nothing serious.)
My back hurt so much that I couldn't walk, so I had to grit my teeth and walk. At that time, I could walk and stop for ten minutes for a hundred meters, and stopped and sat on the roadside several times. (Now I can walk several kilometers in one breath without gasping for breath!)
At that time, no one thought that I could make money by writing books, and even I didn’t really believe it. But at that time, besides writing books, I had no other way to make money. (Now I have basically entered the primary stage of socialism!)
This is my last chance, and I am eager to seize it. In fact, I don’t really love writing. I had a headache writing essays in middle school. I just have to do it. When my relatives leave one by one, I don’t want to be so hopeless and helpless anymore.
Yes, that’s right, Ning Fan, who is a bit average and a bit extreme, is my original intention in writing.
Being sad about one's own weakness and never bowing to fate is the purpose of this book.
Later I understood that no matter whether it is my uncle, my brother-in-law, or my mother, any ordinary person in this world is good, and no one is weak.
Everyone is gritting their teeth and living. If they fulfill their responsibilities, even if they are poorer or mediocre, they cannot be considered weak.
The New Year is here again, and I would like to thank those book friends who have accompanied me in the past, and even more grateful to the book friends who are still accompanying me today.
Happy New Year!
Don’t forget your original intention!
