I don’t dare to go home and I don’t know where I should go?
Especially the mother who lost her husband. For the sake of my daughter, I still dare not see her.
Maybe she has despaired of an unfilial daughter like me. She hasn't looked at me since I returned to Xi's house.
Taiweng is also sick, very sick because of me, a dirty descendant.
My second uncle and my third uncle hated me very much.
Where is my place?
He wanders around the clan land in a daze all day long, like a zombie.
The hundred years that have passed by unconsciously have not changed anything. Those birds, those things, and that landscape are still the same.
Even though I am no longer Bai Zi, the birds walking on the street still point at her. How is it different from before? What's the use of a false identity that I exchanged for my father's life and a hundred years of freedom?
I could hear them laughing at her stupidity, talking about the family behind her, and even talking in casual tones about her father's sacrifice.
My heart was extremely furious and roaring, and I wanted to rush forward and tear those hateful guys apart, but I couldn't and had to endure it.
We can't add any more unnecessary trouble to the Xi family.
In order to avoid the pointing fingers of those idle birds, I can only hide in those dark corners as much as possible, picking up scraps like a mouse to survive.
I also tried my best to avoid the Xi family birds that came out to search, and I was almost found by them several times.
I no longer have the face to see them.
This kind of life makes me sick, ah no, or living like this makes me even more disgusting.
Like a mouse hiding in a dark place, cowardly avoiding the eyes of all my tribe, I am as capable as I can be like a pervert.
Crazy emotions and guilt mixed with longing kept tearing at my nerves, causing me to sink into that endless hell all day long.
Why am I still alive? I shouldn't be alive.
But I can't die easily now, nor am I qualified to die at will.
At least...at least wait...it's not the time yet.
After all, the Xi family couldn't really let their legitimate daughter wander outside like this. Even though I had carefully hidden myself, I was discovered one day.
I was handled like a dead thing by the servants, scrubbed clean, put on high-quality silk that had not been touched for a long time, and led to a long-lost hall.
Sitting above him was Taiweng whom he hadn't seen for a long time. He is much more haggard than he was a hundred years ago, and his dark hair, which has remained unchanged for many years, has white strands.
There was still a deep, sharp light in his eyes. Although he was more tired and fragile, the unchanging softness still captured my heart and defeated the barrier I thought was well hidden.
I don’t even know what position I am taking to cry in front of this old man, because he is obviously the most innocent one.
Because of the willfulness of the younger generation, he lost his proud grandson and watched the family decline, but there was nothing he could do.
The culprit who caused all this, she didn't even have the face to come and see this elder.
But the bird in front of me, his eyes, and his movements all tell me that he still accepts me and still treats me as the child who was in his arms many years ago. It has never changed, even if the time has changed.
Maybe he still hates me, but at this moment, his longing for the child still outweighs those vague emotions, prompting him to press the child who has not been home for many years into his arms.
"My poor child..." The elderly man held me tremblingly and lamented in a muffled voice. I don't know whether he was lamenting his grandson who died in the battlefield or the child in front of him who had a rough life experience.
I finally stayed in this place that gave me everything but was burdened by me.
My mother was seriously ill and refused to see me. I didn't dare to wander around in front of her, for fear of adding more cracks to her broken heart.
I had no choice but to kneel in front of the yard and say hello hastily every day, and then hide in my remote little yard, not daring to come out.
The third uncle and the second uncle treated me as if I were invisible and had never set foot in my courtyard.
I didn't want to get in their eyes, so I carefully avoided every bird in the house, just like when I was wandering on the street, I was in constant panic.
After coming out of that dark prison, until now, I have never felt like I was home.
A hundred years have passed, and the Xi family is still the same Xi family. Nothing in the house has changed, but I have changed, becoming beyond recognition and disgusting.
I am so unbearable that I am so unfamiliar and incompatible with the Xi family. I felt almost painfully like I was tainting everything here.
A guy like me... such a despicable guy...
"I'll go."
There was silence in the room for a moment, no bird spoke.
The war situation became more and more tense. The Dragon Clan guys dispatched the vanguard unhurriedly and bombed the barrier from time to time. This situation has been going on for more than fifty years. Birds guarding the border take casualties every day.
Xi Yong died in that large-scale vanguard battle fifty years ago.
He didn't have to die. For the sake of his family and children, he resisted desperately, bought precious time for the reinforcements, and opened a way for his daughter and the Xi family to survive, but the price was his own life.
As a result, this living phoenix never came back from the battlefield.
Now that there is a lack of combat power in the front, it is necessary to mobilize the young and strong people in the rear to defend against the outside world. This is a responsibility that the Phoenix people cannot shirk, even if they are as noble as the Phoenix of the Xi family.
This is their awareness.
There are so few direct blood relatives in the Xi family. They have already lost Xi Yong. Will it be Xi Yun and Tai Weng's turn next...
Each one of them is an indispensable link to the Xi family, and anything that happens to any one of them may cause the Xi family to decline again, which they don't want to see.
So the transfer order was delayed again and again, and finally the deadline came and they had to make a decision.
But when that child, that child who they both loved and hated, who was extremely complex, said those words, a trace of happiness and relief, and a trace of secret joy rose up in their hearts.
They were so mean, allowing this kid to go to ruin.
The day I left the Xi family, everyone came, including my second uncle, third uncle, and side relatives I hadn’t seen for many years.
Mother still hasn't come, she must have hated me for being such an unfilial daughter.
That's fine, if I die, she won't be so sad.
The worry in their eyes diluted my fear and sadness, and boundless courage rose in my heart. This is my home, and I want to protect my home.
My third uncle, who hated me so much, gave me a hug for the first time and burst into tears. He threatened me viciously in my ear, saying that I still owed the Xi family and had to stay here to atone for my sins. If I died, he would never let me enter the family cemetery.
I nodded with a smile.
A dirty guy like me shouldn't go back to the family cemetery even after death. I think that the best ending for me would be to be on the battlefield with the blue sky and white sun blowing in the wind.
Saying goodbye to my family, I headed towards my inevitable end, towards my irreversible destiny.
. m.
