After a person dies, can he really gain inner peace?
She wondered about this.
If that was the previous life, my life would have been a little too miserable.
Nothing noteworthy in retrospect.
I have been pursuing what I can't get, but as my understanding of reality gradually increases, I realize more and more that it is an impossible wish, so I feel more and more disappointed.
When she was a child, if the teacher assigned a composition in class on a topic such as "My Mom and Dad," she would always write carefully and write down one stroke at a time:
[My mother is sick and has become a star in the sky, but she will always be in the sky watching me grow up. 】
[My dad works very hard every day, so it doesn’t matter even if we can’t see each other often. I know that my parents love me very much. 】
Such articles always receive five-star reviews from teachers and loving looks in the office.
It was not until she grew up that she understood that writing essays did not necessarily reveal her true wounds.
As long as you follow the format requirements of the essay title, try to be as beautiful as possible in your vocabulary, quote more famous quotes, and finally sublimate the theme, no one will pursue it even if you make up a random story.
Apart from that, she understands a lot more.
It was as if just for a moment, the world he saw in his eyes was no longer what it was before.
For example, after my mother dies, she will not become a star in the sky, she will just leave forever.
For example, the reason why my father doesn’t see me often is not because he works hard every day, but because he is busy dating one girlfriend after another.
From the moment she realized the truth, those innocent and childish understandings in her young mind were completely shattered.
She also slowly became a calm adult who could hide her wounds well.
Dad's business is getting bigger and bigger. Even based on the income level in first-tier cities, my family is undoubtedly a wealthy class.
He has a lot of entertainment every day, and various friends take turns to entertain him, so he has no time to care about himself.
"Women are the kind of thing that will pounce on you as long as you have money~" He always boasted like this at the wine table, changing female companions more diligently than changing new clothes.
But even in this matter, she was not without benefits.
At least, he doesn't have to face his drunken father all the time. There is always a woman around him who can take care of him.
He had attended private boarding schools with high tuition fees since he was a child, so he didn't need to spend a lot of time with him. As a father, he only needed to give him money.
Just as he had no time to take care of himself, unconsciously, he no longer had the energy to take care of him.
Has he ever seriously thought about starting a new family?
unknown.
Although there will be some relatives and friends who, for various purposes, will comfort him to remarry with the tone of someone who has experienced it.
My father would occasionally say to his girlfriends affectionately: I always thought I was a wandering wanderer, but after wandering for so long, I am tired. After meeting you, I truly realized what it feels like to love someone.
He would even ask himself to have dinner with those women to show his determination to live well with them.
But, it's useless.
It won't be long before they break up again.
From the beginning, I felt anxious and uneasy, worried about whether I would have to live with another person under the same roof in the future, and whether I would have to accept another person to replace the position of "mother".
After that, he became accustomed to it, just sitting aside indifferently, saying nothing, and used it as a prop to establish his character.
However, even a father with so much experience in love is not without his mistakes.
There was an ex-girlfriend who, after he unilaterally broke up with her, came to the door of his school to block people.
To this day, she can't even remember the woman's appearance, only a distorted and ugly face.
"——!"
She shouted her name loudly, rushed forward and grabbed her arm tightly, with a crazy look in her bloodshot eyes.
"How about telling your dad... I really, really like him and I don't want to break up with him..."
The woman's face was covered with tears and she kept crying loudly to herself.
That mouth that opens and closes.
Like a dying fish emerging from the water.
'What's the use of telling me this? '
That was the first thought that came to her mind.
But soon, she reacted.
'——It turns out that I am also an accomplice. '
Fortunately, the pick-up driver who noticed something was wrong soon pulled away, and no more serious consequences occurred.
My father was very angry about this.
"You're really a very talented person. Come and show off with me?!"
The matter was finally settled with money, and the woman received a large additional breakup fee and returned to her hometown, never to be seen again.
But from that time on, my father never allowed himself to match his image of a prodigal son in love.
As a result, my life became even more separated from him.
But the troubles are far from over.
Probably because both her parents have excellent genes, she looks like a good-looking girl.
So there will always be some boys who are confused by their appearance and foolishly like themselves.
It's fine if you're just a normal classmate, but once you realize that the other person wants to pursue you, you will uncontrollably feel extremely disgusted.
She found that she had no way to accept anyone's feelings.
As soon as I hear those sweet words that boys think are very touching, my father's "deeply passionate" look will appear in my mind.
In front of me, two different faces overlapped, speaking the same greasy love words.
Make her feel physically nauseous.
Because of this inability to seek relief from others, all the boys who confessed to her were rejected by her without exception, saying "I just want to study hard."
Maybe it's not their fault that they like themselves...but it's not their fault that they can't like anyone.
How can you give something to others that you don’t even have?
With the idea of being able to support herself without relying on her father, she studied hard and was admitted to a good university out of town.
In order to make her study more convenient, she signed up for accommodation like her classmates.
But there will only be more ways to express love in college.
Even though she told almost everyone around her, "I just want to study and not fall in love," the boys still turned a deaf ear and pounced on her one after another.
In the name of "surprise", they would forcefully give her flowers, place candlelight hearts under the dormitory building, and give her their favorite large dolls.
Then he stood between the gazes of a bunch of people, eagerly waiting for him to go out and act with them.
She angrily rejected the confession, threw away all the flowers, and threw the gifts to the ground in front of him.
No one can understand her pain.
Regardless of whether they were men or women, they just watched the excitement and made noises at the same time.
"What girl doesn't want to fall in love? It's just that you're not good enough at licking." They mocked those who failed to express their love with satisfaction.
——What woman doesn’t like money? It’s just that you didn’t give enough.
She was tired of the comments.
After all the gossip inside and outside the dormitory, she asked her father to buy a house near the school and move out.
After struggling to clean up everything, she stayed in the empty house alone, locked the door, and drank a lot of wine for the first time, trying to get herself completely drunk.
On the laptop screen nearby, an animation to pass the time, "The Villainous Princess Chris" was playing.
As she watched it, she was really attracted by this story.
"...Although the plot is neither logical nor Mary Sue, but...if there really is such a world, you must be able to live happily every day..."
He was running around carelessly and getting into trouble every day, and with the infinite love of his parents, the family lived happily together...
How great it would be if I could have these...
Thinking like this, she lay on the table and completely lost consciousness.
"Chris... Chris..."
I heard a familiar voice.
"Get up soon~ I have to go to school today!"
The sound of the curtains being pulled sounded in my ears, and a dazzling light came into view.
"Well..." She covered her head and humped the quilt like a caterpillar.
However, the warm quilt was soon lifted off.
"Wei En has been doing morning exercises for a long time! You are still sleeping here!"
Getting up from the bed, Chris rubbed her eyes and saw her mother, whose expression was not so gentle.
"Mom!" Chris suddenly hugged her like a koala.
Ai Xiweier felt a little helpless, touched her messy hair, and sighed: "It's true that such a grown-up person still pesters her mother to act coquettishly."
Chrissy buried her head in her mother's clothes.
The warm fragrance coming from my mother's body, the gentle wind blowing from the window, the barking of the dog from downstairs mixed with Wayne's laughter... everything makes people feel satisfied.
"——Because, I like my mother the most."
Whether it’s death, whether a god fulfills one’s wish, or whether it’s just wishful thinking and fantasy.
What I want is now——
Got it all.
