October 13th, night.
"Zhou Yu" stood quietly at the other end of the street, looking distractedly at the "Osler Road" sign.
Everything he did was an instinctive reaction. What should be done and how to say it seems to be engraved in my mind, as complete as breathing. But in the final analysis, why is this body with that middle-aged man? Who is he? Who am I?
"Zhou Yu" didn't feel panicked or helpless at all, he was just confused about this situation. After discovering that no matter how much he recalled, his mind was empty, he confirmed that he had lost his memory.
Memory can be simply divided into two types, namely declarative memory and procedural memory. Generally speaking, memory of events and life belongs to the former, while motor skills and common sense cognition belong to the latter. In his current situation, although he cannot remember his identity and origins, he does know how to use a smartphone - so he can be diagnosed as suffering from the so-called "dissociative amnesia". That is, the memory of personal identity is lost, but the general information learned in the past is still retained.
But when did the memory loss begin? Did this body originally suffer from this kind of amnesia, or was it tampered with by that middle-aged man? But there are no scars on the body, probably it has nothing to do with the pot-bellied gentleman...
Based on the current pitiful information, it is useless to continue to infer. In the end, "Zhou Yu" found the address marked "home" from the map software on her mobile phone and followed the navigation prompts to return to her house in the suburbs.
After trying the key and opening the door, he fell asleep on the bed due to excessive fatigue.
When I woke up, it was already the second night. "Zhou Yu" still felt very tired when he opened his eyes, so he fell down and took a nap again.
When I opened my eyes again, it was early morning on the fourth day.
After sleeping for two whole days and three nights, "Zhou Yu", who was still without energy but not hungry or thirsty, finally realized that the situation was abnormal. He endured his tiredness and searched the room, finally finding the diary hidden under his pillow.
It turns out that this body is not suffering from amnesia. The reason why I can't remember my personal identity is because "Zhou Yu" had not appeared in this world before October 13th.
The owner of the diary is named Zhou Yu. Because the handwriting is more cursive, the signature on the cover looks like "Zhou Hao". Starting from the pronunciation, Zhou Yu took the current name for himself.
The beginning of the diary was January 1, 2017. In order to welcome the new year, Zhou Yu changed her diary on this day. After that, Zhou Yu would write a diary every two or three days until October 16th.
It can be seen from the text that Zhou Yu is an introverted and sensitive person. As a senior student at the Academy of Fine Arts, her character does have the sentimental qualities of an artist.
However, Zhou Yu has a secret that even she herself doesn't know. That is that she suffers from dissociative personality disorder, commonly known as multiple personality.
A female college student who looks weak, gentle and taciturn experienced a certain incident in October this year, and a male personality was born in her body. Unlike her main personality, this secondary personality has a cold and cruel character. He loves flesh and blood, and longs to cut the human body into inorganic pieces. He longs to see the lines and textures of corpses and muscles more than living people. Other than that, his life experience is like a blank sheet of paper.
These qualities undoubtedly belong to a born perverted murderer.
This is Zhou Yu who shares the same body with Zhou Yu but is completely opposite to her nature.
As is common with patients with dissociative personality disorder, their memories do not communicate with each other. When the other person dominates the body, the other personality is dormant. Therefore, the main personality that has controlled the body for more than 20 years did not realize the appearance of "Zhou Yu". Although she also discovered that she occasionally lost her memory, she thought it was memory loss caused by overexertion.
Zhou Yu, in order to avoid trouble, did not send any message to the main personality, and still hid in this body like a shadow.
As far as Zhou Yu knows, patients with dissociative personality disorder cannot subjectively control personality switching. They usually switch unconsciously, and there will be no residual memory afterwards. However, the case of the dominant personality is a special case. At first, Zhou Yu always woke up at night or early in the morning, so he concluded that the key to personality transformation was time. But half a month later, the dominant personality suddenly switched with him during lunch break in the classroom. Zhou Yu didn't understand the protagonist's school life at all, and was really stunned for a while.
Because of this incident, Zhou Yu finally determined that the key to personality transformation is not time, but "sleep."
Every time Zhou Yu falls asleep, Zhou Yu will wake up and take charge of the body. After Zhou Yu falls asleep, the main personality will wake up, and this cycle starts one person at a time.
However, because Zhou Yu always wakes up at night, his body does not get enough rest, so he can only move for a while, and then he has to continue sleeping. So this body is still controlled by Zhou Yu most of the time. Zhou Yu's sleep quality is not good. So every night from late at night to early morning, Zhou Yu would wake up, open her diary and chat software, learn about the main events that happened that day, and then fall asleep as soon as possible to save energy.
More than two months have passed like this, and although there are occasional cases of memory loss, the girl has not discovered that there is an extra personality in her body.
We can't say how well Zhou Yu concealed it, it was just too unbelievable. The cause of split personality is usually huge pressure and mental stimulation, which forces the patient to create a new personality to divert stress and protect himself. What is a subpersonality? Just a tool to escape trauma. Because it is the product of escape, the secondary personality is often very different from the main personality. Not only the personality, but also the age and race may be deviated. It is normal for an adult male patient with a split personality to think that he is an eight-year-old elementary school girl.
As for Zhou Yu, unlike the physical gender of this body, he identifies himself as male.
And for no reason, subconsciously, he was firmly convinced that he was a male.
It is said that some patients with multiple personality will create secondary personalities with quite complete experiences, such as "35-year-old white driver" and "cheerful junior high school girl", which are completely inconsistent with the patient's actual identity. Although Zhou Yu does not have such a detailed "past", he only sees himself as a male young man in his twenties, which is too stubborn to be shaken.
Moreover, gender issues aside, for Zhou Yu, the bigger doubt is the source of the disease.
Zhou Yu is indeed a somewhat introverted and melancholic person, but she has a very strong personality as she has lived alone since she was a child. Even if she suddenly decided to study abroad in another city, she only felt lonely and was far from serious enough to suffer a sudden mental breakdown. What kind of event happened that caused her to suddenly split into "I"? This is a question Zhou Yu has always wanted to figure out.
Because of the time of the activity, most of Zhou Yu's understanding of the protagonist's personality comes from that diary. There are fifteen articles from September 1st to October 14th, most of which are ordinary daily accounts. The main contents are excerpted as follows:
Rain on Friday, September 1st
school starts. The road was crowded with people again. Looking down at Central Avenue from upstairs, you can see colorful umbrellas everywhere. If you squint your eyes, you can see patterns that look like butterflies.
I don’t particularly dislike crowds, but I hope the flowers there won’t be trampled.
Light rain on Sunday, September 10th
Today is Teachers' Day. I sent a blessing text message to my high school teacher and wanted to send one to my junior high school teacher, but I couldn’t find the contact information. Most of my classmates in middle and high school have lost touch with me. I am the only one who chose to study here.
Although I didn't feel anything wrong before, today I feel a little lonely. Of course, that doesn’t mean there’s anything bad about current classmates. Everyone is a very gentle person. It's just that three years have passed and I still can't speak...
Cloudy Monday, September 25th
Today my roommates have been discussing internships. I am also considering my options in this regard. It is not good to always go to Maple Garden to volunteer. Now it seems that I have to choose one of the two at hand.
Although Hongsen's place is closer, I don't like the manager that much. I always feel that the way he looks at people is uncomfortable. But the other one was too far away, and the conditions couldn’t be said to be particularly good. I think if it’s just a short-term internship, it shouldn’t matter, right?
Rain on Tuesday, October 1
The holidays have begun. I want to watch a movie in my free time.
Although this will make me feel lonely, I still want to go alone. If you go with someone else, you have to consider the subject matter that the other person likes to watch. You have to talk and comment while watching the movie to estimate whether the other person likes the movie or not. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if the movie you picked made the other person feel bored? After thinking about it like this, I can't put the fun in the movie at all, so I'd better watch it alone.
Because I just want to watch a movie quietly.
Cloudy Monday, October 9th
Today is Thanksgiving. My roommate comes from a Christian family. Since he was not home this year because he had something to do, he invited us to go out for dinner together. I always declined such activities in the past, but today I didn’t want to stay alone in the dormitory. Although I don't really believe in ghosts and gods, I feel sad when I think of the girl I usually greeted and committed suicide like this. I don't want to stay alone in the room tonight.
Why? The child usually loves to laugh. I heard it was due to family factors, but it was really too sudden. One day he said "Good morning" to you energetically, but the next day he never saw you again. It's sad to think that farewell would be such an understatement.
Thursday, October 12, sunny
The weather is so good today, the sun is shining brightly. The last time I saw such a bright day was during the summer vacation. I originally wanted to take out the old picture album on the bottom of the box and dry it, but for a long time... I asked my roommate and he said it had not been touched. It's really strange. The lock on the box is good, and the album itself is not a valuable thing. No one is going to steal it, right? Could it be that I don’t know when to dispose of it?
In the past few days, I feel like I often forget things, and it’s already night when I wake up. It seems that he still needs to pay attention to rest. Hongsen doesn't want to do it anymore, so he will submit his resignation tomorrow.
Cloudy Saturday, October 14th
I had someone fix the window today. The day before yesterday, I thought the weather was good, but I didn't expect it to be so windy at night that even the windows were broken. It’s really unbelievable, I thought this kind of thing only happens in disaster movies. When I woke up yesterday morning, I almost stepped on broken glass with my bare feet. Because I was in a hurry to go to the internship, I didn't finish it until today. Let’s talk about yesterday. After I submitted my resignation, the manager insisted on holding a farewell party. Although I felt it was unnecessary, two girls from my colleagues said they wanted to go, so I was too embarrassed to refuse them. But it was too late. After drinking, I fell into a daze and couldn't even remember how I got back.
I remember that the address I filled in at the company was the school dormitory, so I should have come back on my own. Fortunately, I didn’t lose anything on me. I was too embarrassed to contact him again after I left my job. I really hope I didn’t do anything embarrassing when I was drunk.
