Extra - Song Yuhuan
If fairness is a candy exuding sweet temptation, then Song Yuhuan has never received it from her parents throughout her life.
Of course, she didn't get more than just one candy.
Some people say that being loved by parents is a wonderful feeling. It should be sweet. Just thinking about it can't help but smile happily.
But as a person who rarely had his parents before he was ten years old, he lived with his mother after he was ten years old. Everyday he heard: "You are the elder, you do the work," "You are the elder sister, let the younger brother", "Why do you keep an eye on everything?" "Brother, he is younger than you, do you know? "Who wants to tell you fairness, can you be more sensible?" The little girl with a naturally impatient voice, the kind of character that is so vivid and touching on TV and in books Mother's love is like the stars in the sky, she can see it, but she can't touch it no matter how hard she reaches out.
Want it?
Who doesn't want it.
Jealousy?
That's for sure.
Dissatisfaction, resistance, demand, resentment, flattery, indifference, habit...
Song Yuhuan has done all this.
She hopes her mother treats her like she treats her younger brother.
But in the end it was of no use.
As for her father, well, she was afraid of the father who hadn't come back for several years. He smiled at outsiders and showed indifference to his daughter.
Four years old.
She was four years old that year, no, not yet.
She will always remember the loud slap on her sister's face because her sister peed on him.
What kind of fear can leave a memory in the mind of a child under four years old.
Every time she saw him after that, she didn't dare to look up or say no, for fear that the thick slap would fall on her face.
In fact, she could see it very clearly when she was ten years old, otherwise she wouldn't have climbed up to the railing on the second floor, so she thought she had nothing to miss and just jumped off and be done with it.
I thought I could expect, you told me, I gotta let it.
"Why did you give birth to me if you don't like me! You should have just drowned in the first place!"
"Do you know I'm in a lot of pain!"
"Do you think I want to be your daughter? If possible, I would rather go to the 18th level of hell for eternity than to have parents like you!"
"Everyone says I want to let it go, and I want to let it go until when."
"Do you know that when I was a child, I was teased and bullied in school and had to endure it! Why didn't I say it? Will it be useful if I say it? I know that no one will help me, no one will protect me, and no one will give me anything. I want justice."
"Oh, you can?"
"At that time, someone shouted my nickname every day. What did you do when you heard it? Nothing. You just didn't love me."
"What else can a child who has no one to protect him do except learn to be tolerant, sensible, and grow up quietly in a corner without sunshine?"
"Do you still remember the time when a large piece of my thumb, including the nail and the flesh, was shaved off? It was so painful that I couldn't even feel the pain anymore. You took a look at it and said, "take it with wine to disinfect it, and it's gone." For a moment, my heart felt cold and the pain was worse than my hands.”
"Song Zidong heated up a bowl of rice for you. You have been talking about it since you were little, and your heart feels warm. Have you ever counted how many meals I have cooked?"
"When I was ten years old, you came back and decided not to go out again."
"I really find it funny. A person who has never appeared in my memory but claims to be my mother. When we meet, there is no warmth, no care, no inquiry, but she wants me to do this and that and take over the housework for the whole family. Please ask me Isn’t she your daughter? We haven’t seen each other for many years, and you don’t even miss me?”
"My heart is full of scars that cannot be healed, but you blame me for not being close to you. Adults always hope that children will understand that they are more sensible, but who will understand children? Children from a vulnerable group are obviously more pitiful."
"Mom and dad say they love you, but they use a razor blade to cut your heart with their own hands, calling it for your own good."
"Perhaps these things that are very important to children are not worth mentioning to adults."
"I have been worrying about these little things for so many years. Am I stupid, or am I too stingy?"
"Just think I'm stingy."
"In the worst case, it will take a longer, longer time to treat childhood."
"I admitted it, I admitted it, I thought that was it!"
"But why? Why can't I feel love for my child!"
"I don't know how to take care of him, how to protect him, how to communicate with him, and even, I don't know how to love him."
"Because of these, I have never received any of these."
"I haven't experienced it."
"My childhood was ruined, it doesn't matter, I grew up, I look like most people, there must be someone in the crowd who is like me, extremely sensitive, low self-esteem, sociophobic, insecure, don't know how to go To love, and to receive love.”
"But I can't ruin my son's childhood."
"I'm in pain."
"I should love him, love him unconditionally, love him forever, make him happy, and protect him."
"Do you know how scared I was when I found out that my attitude towards children is a bit like yours and my dad's?"
"If this continues, he will definitely become the next me!"
“He would also grow up and have hysterical outbursts to me.”
"I bought a lot of books and started watching family-finding programs. The love between parents and children collided fiercely. I wiped away the tears that burst out crazily and thought, it's so difficult for my son. I must love him more, treat him better, and encourage him. Him, comfort him, tell him I love him every day.”
"I observe others, listen carefully, and see how others get along with their children."
"I love him, but that's not enough. I want him to feel that his mother loves him."
"How sad that a mother has to rely on external stimulation to love her child."
...
Luckily, I wasn't too bad after all, I didn't ruin another person's childhood, and my child doesn't have to live with a lifelong grudge about the candy he didn't get to eat during his childhood.
Regrets will always be regrets.
I can't let it go in this life.
Extra - Song Yuqing
I stood in the yard, tilting my head to watch my sister standing on tiptoes and stretching her arms to reach the biggest and sweetest fruit on the tree. She was so anxious that she almost cried, but my mother said, you can't move, it's for my brother. , you can only smell its fragrance and imagine how sweet it is.
I looked back at Dad.
Oh, it's deserted there for years.
But I know that my sister and I are not in my father’s eyes at all.
What else am I fighting for?
My sister is smart, beautiful and good at studying. She is like a small tree that grows stubbornly and endlessly. She can't compete with her. What can I, an inconspicuous grass, compete with?
So be it.
I have seen the result. Even if I fight, it will still be the same.
Mom is right.
The fruit looks good, so I’ll take a look at it more.
The fruit is delicious, so I smell it.
That doesn't belong to me.
People, you have to accept your fate and be content and happy.
Don't think about things that shouldn't be yours. People's hearts are always dissatisfied. If you are too greedy, you will live an unhappy life.
No one in this world should give anything to anyone.
I can't ask for it, I don't dare to ask for it, even my parents think I'm not worthy, let alone others.
Only what I get through my own efforts is mine and only mine.
The elder sister cried loudly to her mother, expressing the dissatisfaction that had been suppressed in her heart for many years. Her brother-in-law looked at her distressedly.
I felt funny, but also a little sad.
There's nothing to be sad about.
Didn’t you already understand it already?
The wound finally formed a thick scar, so why bother tearing it open with your own hands?
It was bloody, ugly and painful.
She wouldn't do such useless work.
I glanced at my husband who was looking down at his cell phone from the corner of my eye. I turned my head away slightly, that was good.
Leaving the original family, entering another completely strange family, living with a group of strangers. Successful running-in is like a pair of jade pendants that tolerate each other. Failure to run in is like two hard pebbles colliding with fierce sparks.
Even broken.
She is not afraid of breaking into pieces.
If you don't have feelings, you won't be hurt.
If you don’t have expectations, you won’t be disappointed.
But why does she feel so lonely? Even though she has a father, a mother, a husband and children, she feels alone and helpless.
I can never trust anyone.
No way.
Extra - Song Zidong
I'm not living a happy life, at least, that's what I think.
I have had a sweet and delicious candy since I was born.
I love so much.
Especially when the sisters want it too.
Seeing the eager and begging look in their eyes made me feel extremely satisfied.
I'm not afraid of being robbed at all.
I don't even need to be on guard.
Because mom and dad will stop any hands that reach out to me, even if it is their biological daughter.
I grew up gradually.
kindness...
The candy didn't seem as sweet or as big as I expected.
I want too much.
But I only have one candy.
By the time I finish chewing this candy, I will have no more candy.
Only then did I realize that I had relied on this candy for half my life to live well. Once this candy was gone, I would have nothing to rely on in this world.
The street is cold and I'm hungry.
I couldn't help but blame my parents, why didn't they work harder to make this candy bigger?
Don't they know that the sweetness of a piece of candy cannot sustain their son's life?
Extra - Hong Tian
I have known since I was a child that I am different from the girls in the village.
I was the oldest child and the only girl, and everyone in my family loved me.
I was wrapped in love and lived in happiness. I studied hard, stayed up late to do homework, and became the most outstanding child of my age.
I held half of the candy in my mouth, thinking that my life would be as sweet as this candy.
Until I grow up.
I discovered that my parents owned a candy factory, which they had built for my brother over the years.
Yes.
without me.
Mom said, "I gave you half a candy, so don't be dissatisfied."
Dad said, "If there is any difficulty, the family will not ignore it."
Grandma said, "You study a lot and your brother studies a little, so you give in to him."
Grandpa said, "Yes."
The younger brother said, "Dad, Mom, give me money, I want to use it."
It turns out that I am no different from other girls in the village.
It's just that they haven't tasted candy, but I have.
Now those sweet things have turned into arsenic gnawing at my heart.
pain!
It really hurts!
If you haven't had it...
I thought I had.
