(The story of Wang Hao and Jiang Chen does not affect the main plot, so you can skip it if you don’t want to read it)
My name is Wang Hao, and I am an orphan.
"Sangmen Star, Sangmen Star!" The voice came from all directions, and I could only try my best to huddle in the corner.
I'm so sad. I'm not a Sangmen star. Why do everyone call me that and why don't they play with me?
"Ah!" I couldn't help but scream. The back of my head and back hurt so much, but I couldn't resist, otherwise they would beat me even more happily.
The tears were so salty, my chest hurt, my nose was sore, and my throat felt blocked, but I didn't want to cry, as that would make me look afraid of them.
I don’t know when I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was already dark and my head was groggy. Mom and Dad, I miss you so much.
"Gu~"
I'm so hungry, but there's nothing to eat now. Grandpa Dean won't care about me. Will I starve to death? Or be beaten to death by them?
I don’t want to stay here anymore.
I tried my best to get up with my little hands and staggered towards the door.
I miss my parents so much, but they are far away and they don’t want Haohao anymore.
It was so cold. I don’t know how long I walked. I just remember that it was quiet and dark all around, and there was no one around.
I slept next to a trash can. When I woke up, I kept walking forward. When I was hungry, I would find something to eat on the ground or in the trash can.
But I feel like people around me are always looking at me and scolding me.
A beautiful sister came here with a group of policemen. Are they here to arrest me?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I kept apologizing in my heart, and ran away. I really didn't want to go back to the dean's grandfather, I would be beaten to death.
I escaped by hiding in a trash can in an alley.
Fortunately, he was not arrested. I breathed a long sigh of relief and found half a piece of bread next to me.
too delicious! I haven't had such delicious food in a long time.
I felt sleepy after eating, so I slept next to the trash can again.
It actually stinks a bit, but I can tolerate it because the trash can blocks the wind and it's really cold outside.
I had a long dream, dreaming about my parents, grandparents, and the house was on fire. It was so hot! Who can save me? Haohao is about to die from the heat.
Suddenly I felt something cold and comfortable on my head. I tried to open my eyes and saw a big brother with a sullen face. Was I being taken back again?
The more I think about it, the sadder I feel. I really want to cry, but I can’t help it anymore.
"Don't cry, why are you crying?" The elder brother's voice was hoarse, tight and a bit fierce.
I felt so wronged and cried even harder.
Only later did I realize that I was not taken back, but was picked up by my eldest brother when he was picking up garbage. The eldest brother is a good person, and he will be my brother from now on. Hao Hao has a family again, and Hao Hao is so happy.
That year, when I was six years old, I was taken home by my ten-year-old brother.
"Brother, I want to go to school." Once again I saw a group of children coming out of school, and I finally couldn't help but say to my brother who was pedaling in front of me.
My brother was very silent and didn't say anything. He just turned his head and glanced at me.
I pursed my lips and felt a little embarrassed. It was already difficult for my brother and I just to survive, so how could we make such an unreasonable request?
But I didn't ask my brother, I just thought about it, I just thought about it.
But my brother was angry. I could only eat two meals a day, and the time spent picking up waste became longer. During that time, I was pressing the paper shells while crying. My brother just looked at me silently, and only occasionally when I was in a good mood. Silently my head.
This day lasted for half a year. I only remember that my brother came back very late that day, raised his hand and handed me a slightly dirty schoolbag, "School will start in a few days, I will take you to register."
I was really happy. It was the first time in my life that I was so happy.
That year, when I was seven years old, I was sent to school by my eleven-year-old brother.
I don't know how my brother does it, but he seems to be able to do everything.
I am not stupid, I study very hard, I have always been a good student in the eyes of the teacher, and I have always been the first in the class.
But my classmates looked down on me as a scrap collector and always bullied me.
But they were too childish. They just knocked down the books on my desk, tore up my homework, gave me nicknames, and refused to play with me. What do these mean?
The days went on like this, and my brother and I became closer and closer. Every time I got first place in the exam, he would touch my head and say with a big smile that Haohao is great.
My brother's hands were so rough and full of calluses, but when he put them on my head, I felt so warm and happy. I really wanted to live like this for the rest of my life.
It wasn't until I was in junior high school that a beautiful female classmate in my class confessed to me that she liked me.
I don’t quite understand, but I only like my brother, so I rejected her. Unexpectedly, I was blocked in the alley by a group of people after school.
I felt like I was at Grandpa Dean’s place again, it hurt so much, my whole body hurt.
I tried my best to curl up into a ball to reduce the area of the beating. Go ahead and let me go if you open your heart.
"What are you doing!" It was my brother's voice.
There were no more punches, kicks, or scoldings. The world seemed to be quiet for a moment.
I looked up a little cautiously and saw my brother's back against the light, with anger written all over his face. Those who beat me were lying on the ground wailing in pain.
"Brother, you are so handsome." I stared at my brother and giggled. The wound on my face made me howl in pain. Maybe it was because I knew my brother would comfort me.
That year, when I was fourteen, I lay down behind my eighteen-year-old brother and said in a very low voice, "Brother, you are my hero."
When I was in high school, my brother joined the army and was transferred far away. It was always difficult for me to see him, but I received money on my bank card on time every month.
I always take the time to go to the counter to check in. When I see the numbers on the card changing, I know that my brother is thinking about me.
I got good grades and made many friends. I often think that after I go to college and make money, I must let my brother live a good life and make him the happiest person in the world.
But my good friend A Fei said that it is better to find a girlfriend for my brother and a sister-in-law for myself.
I have never thought about this problem. My brother will live with his sister-in-law and have his own family and children. I will always be an outsider.
I forced a smile on my face, but I felt so depressed and sad. I missed my brother so much, but suddenly I missed him so much.
I hid under the quilt and cried secretly all night. I called in sick the next day and didn't go to class. This was the first time I asked for leave, or skipped class.
I lay in bed unable to cheer up. My brother was all in my mind. I had a sullen face most of the time, but was always gentle. After all, my brother was always cold on the outside and hot on the inside.
This state lasted until the final exam was over. When I got the report card, I panicked. I was ranked 103rd in my grade. I didn’t know how to explain it to my brother. After all, my grades had never fallen below the top ten in my grade before. .
I'm sorry for my brother, and huge regret wraps me up.
When I tremblingly told my brother about my results, my brother just remained silent for a while and still touched my head gently, "Why did Xiaohao's results drop? I need to keep working hard from now on."
At that moment, I burst into tears.
In the days that followed, I put away my little thoughts and studied hard. I got into the top 50 in the province during the college entrance examination. I was enveloped in great joy. I couldn’t wait to share this good news with my brother, but in the end, I froze when I saw the girl next to my brother.
It was like a basin of cold water pouring down from beginning to end. My whole body felt cold. I said hello stiffly and turned around and went back to the house.
My brother has a girlfriend? I dare not think about it. Being a coward, I didn't even dare to ask.
That night my brother and I had our first quarrel. I applied for a university in Province J, but my brother wanted me to apply for a university in Province S.
I really want to get closer to my brother, but I know I can't. I seem to have some dirty thoughts towards him, so I have to stay away from him. After all, he doesn't seem to be a normal person.
But I couldn't let go. I seemed to be sick. I had no energy all day long, couldn't sleep all night, and often stared at one place in a daze.
My brother came to see me, but he was rebuffed by me with cold words. He seemed sad. I saw the sadness in his eyes that couldn't be resolved. I was going crazy. I didn't know what to do.
Unspeakable emotions tortured me. This was an abyssal swamp from which I could not escape.
My brother has his own world, and he can live a good life, but my world is my brother, and I would be miserable every minute without him.
During the summer vacation of my sophomore year, Jiang Chen and I had a showdown.
That day was his birthday, and I rushed over from Province J, carrying a handmade gift, wearing newly bought clothes, and even putting on light makeup.
He was very happy, and there was a flash of surprise in his eyes when he saw me, but his bright eyes suddenly became surprised after I said those words.
I still can't understand the complex emotions in his eyes.
I couldn't stand the endless silence, so I stood up and rushed out of the door. Tears fell instantly, which hurt more than thousands of stones hitting my body.
I went to the bar, and I don’t remember much about what happened next, except that when I woke up in the hotel bed the next day, I felt a tearing pain all over my body.
I stumbled out of bed. There was no one in the room, but I bumped into Jiang Chen in the corridor.
The huge sadness made me fall to the ground for a moment. Jiang Chen came over and hugged me, but I didn't dare to express my love for him passionately.
Jiang Chen's eyes were very complicated. He took me home, patiently comforted me, and touched my head gently. I have never seen him so gentle.
"let's be together."
Facing my surprised look, Jiang Chen lowered his voice and said softly, "Let's be together, okay?"
I never thought we would be together in such a confused way, but I still agreed, like a rat in the gutter, like a thief who steals other people's happiness.
I always think that even if happiness is stolen, I want to hide it for a little longer.
I would secretly kiss his forehead while he was sleeping, apply foam on his face when he was shaving, prepare a little surprise when he came home, and knit a hat and scarf for him in the winter.
And he always smiled softly at me, and his eyes were always filled with tiny pieces of light.
Until I had such a dream, such a terrible and bad dream.
I regret enrolling in a school so far away, more than 1,500 kilometers away. It’s really far away. The monster in the dream is scary, but the fact that I can’t find you in the dream is even scarier. I walked around in circles for a long time, traveling all over the world. Mountains and rivers, but still no trace of you.
Fortunately, this time I came to your city in advance, so I can be with you even if the world ends.
Brother, wait for your Xiaohao, I'm coming to find you.
