Zheng Peng told me with a sad face that he had called everywhere to borrow money in the past two days, but no relatives or friends were willing to help him. He made dozens of phone calls, but in the end he only borrowed 700 yuan.
Everyone is afraid of getting involved in his poverty and avoid him.
But this little money was not enough for him to be hospitalized.
Finally, he gritted his teeth and called his wife to apologize and ask for help, but his wife only said one sentence to him.
She said: If you can't even handle this, just die outside. You are wasting food while you are alive.
Of course these were angry words, but to Zheng Peng, they were like a knife stuck in his heart.
He gave the several hundred yuan to the hospital, but he didn't even have money for food.
That night, he summoned up the courage to call his parents, but the call failed.
Arrears.
He was lying alone in the hospital bed, crying and hungry, and had a vague dream.
He dreamed that he came to a red house, and Jiang Yan and her two children were there.
The strange thing is that there is another him in that house.
He walked in confused, and then he learned about Jiang Yan's tragic experience after he escaped.
He felt as if he had been struck by lightning and regretted everything. He just thought that he had run away, Jiang Yan had an abortion, and he would continue to live his life as usual.
But he never expected that this world would be so cruel.
After waking up from his dream, he quietly got up and went to the top of the building.
Facing the rising morning light, he reviewed his experiences over the years from beginning to end, and finally found that his wife was right.
He had lived for more than thirty years, but he failed to give his parents a comfortable life, and he failed to give his wife the life she wanted. He also killed Jiang Yan because of his irresponsibility.
Living like this is really a waste of food.
He figured this out, smiled to himself, and jumped off the roof.
He told me that this time he was not escaping from himself, but punishing himself.
Perhaps only if he dies can he feel at ease with his conscience and give Jiang Yan an explanation.
Maybe only if he dies, his wife can find a better one, and his children can live a better life and live in a big house.
Otherwise, if you follow him, you will only be dragged down.
Therefore, he doesn't hate his wife at all, he only hates himself for being incompetent.
I can't understand his brain circuit anyway.
But it's useless to say anything now, he has turned into ashes, and everything in the world has nothing to do with him anymore.
As for who his wife will marry in the future, and whether his children will change their surnames, there is nothing he can do during his lifetime, and there is nothing he can do after his death.
I asked him if he blamed his parents for not being born into a wealthy family, allowing him to experience the bitterness, sourness, and sourness of life since he was a child...no sweetness.
He thought about it seriously and said there might be a little bit, and maybe he would go back and ask if he had a chance in the future.
Ask his parents, if they can't give their child a good life, why did they give birth to him and then give his child a period of hardship and a fucked up life?
I really want to tell Zheng Peng that in fact I also had a difficult time and a fucked up life.
But I got through it myself and will keep going.
Because happiness in life is not given by others, but made by oneself.
I asked him again, had he ever thought about what he would do if his parents would be helpless in the future?
He was speechless and stayed for a long time, and could only shake his head and smile bitterly.
I asked him again, if he had the chance to reincarnate, would he come to the human world?
He kept waving his hands, saying that he was scared and would never come again.
Watching Zheng Peng slowly disappear, I sighed silently and was about to leave when I saw a staff member not far away looking at me with a strange expression.
I had forgotten that this is a public place after all. If I talk to Zheng Peng here, in their eyes, I am just talking to myself.
I smiled at the staff member and took a detour in a different direction.
As I walked, I looked at the urns on both sides, looking at the names and photos on them.
These were once living people, no matter what they were like in life, but now they have become boxes, placed here in a neat manner.
The chaos in the world has nothing to do with them.
So what are you fighting for after decades of life?
Suddenly, an urn on the side of the road attracted my attention.
It's not that this urn is special, but the black and white photo on it is of a sixteen or seventeen year old girl in her prime.
Looking at the photo, this girl is very beautiful, and her name is also very beautiful, her name is Yu Qiuyue.
I meet a close friend in the mountains and flowing water, and I find a beautiful woman in the autumn moon over the flat lake.
It's a pity that he passed away at such a young age.
I sighed secretly and left the crematorium.
After I got home, I told Uncle Ma these things. He was silent after hearing this and just cursed me.
"Damn it, he dares to die, but he doesn't dare to live. I've made a loss on this deal."
Yes, he dared to die, but he did not dare to live.
But in this world, how many people are like Zheng Peng, who clearly cannot afford to die and live, but are still gritting their teeth and insisting on responsibility?
At this moment, I suddenly remembered a sentence.
"This world is too tiring. I might as well not come in the next life."
Zheng Peng is dead now, but Jiang Yan and the two infant spirits are still there, as is the paper house.
So Uncle Ma set up a small altar in the house, and after dark at night, he used spiritual methods to summon Zheng Peng's soul.
His soul is already here, so it's almost not difficult and it can be done in minutes.
Then the two of us took advantage of the darkness, drove into the car, ran to a land temple in the suburbs, burned the paper house, and then burned some ingots and rebirth mantras.
Uncle Ma was so creative that he made two sets of clothes out of red paper and burned them together.
I understand Uncle Ma's intention of doing this. From now on, Zheng Peng can live in the house with Jiang Yan and the two children.
With those two sets of clothes made of red paper, we can be the bride and groom.
I have to say that although this ending is disappointing, it is also the only thing we can do.
Uncle Ma said, Zheng Peng is not a bad guy. He still has a wife and children after he dies, and now he also has a house and money. He is much more comfortable than living.
The most unlucky thing was that the two of us were working together and building materials, and even went to the Earth Temple in the middle of the night.
I don't know whether Zheng Peng will be more comfortable than when he was alive, but he has finally given Jiang Yan and the child an explanation.
That night, I meditated in front of the hall as usual.
But I didn’t communicate with anyone. Instead, I quietly thought about these things, about life, life and death, the past, and the future.
As I was thinking about it, for some reason, a pale and pale face suddenly flashed in my mind.
She is a very young girl, she looks a bit familiar.
The face in my mind at that time was very, very clear. I obviously had my eyes closed, but the face was as clear as if I was looking at a photo.
This kind of thing had never happened before. I was shocked and then I realized what happened.
Isn't this the girl I saw in the photo of the urn in the crematorium during the day?
I still remember her name: Yu Qiuyue.
But why did she suddenly appear here?
"Who are you and why did you come to me?"
I asked in my mind.
After asking several times in a row, she finally responded.
"I have a grievance, please help me."
