The Spring Festival is coming soon, the New Year has passed, but Yang Fan is worried.
He is not short of money, he just wants to give his wife a perfect wedding so that she can happily marry him. Therefore, when Mrs. Tushan's words became more and more outrageous, he directly used the rhetoric of marrying the daughter of the Tushan family with a thousand taels of gold to turn the vulgar matter of asking for a bride price into a good story.
He doesn't allow the little girl's marriage to have any flaws.
Now that the consent of Tu Shanyue's parents has been obtained, the next step is to find a suitable matchmaker. And this matchmaker is very difficult to find. This person must have a certain status, be in the officialdom, be able to talk to Tushan, and must be from His Majesty's side.
Marriage in this era meant too much, and he had to be cautious.
In this era, marriage is a marriage between two surnames, and it is not your personal matter. It is a powerful alliance between two families. That's why there is a saying that marrying a wife depends on her family status, and taking concubines depends on her beauty.
No matter which environment you enter, the first important thing is to understand the game rules of this environment.
Yang Fan has been here for so long and has already understood the moral standards of this era.
In this era, it is very shameful to love one's wife very much, at least not to be known by outsiders.
There were things he didn't know or understand before.
For example, Lu You and Tang Wan, why the loving couple was forced to divorce by their mother.
He didn't understand this logic, what was going on.
When Yang Fan was in Yangliuqing, he specifically asked Mr. Wu. At that time, Mr. Wu was also surprised as to why Yang Fan would ask such a question.
Mr. Wu understood it only after Yang Fan told how he grew up in the mountains.
At that time, Mr. Wu told him a story called Zhang Chang Huamei.
During the Han Dynasty, Zhang Chang, a Jingzhao Yin man, loved his wife very much and would draw her eyebrows every morning when he got up. According to the current situation, it is said that marriage is the tomb of love. The couple has given birth to several children, and the novelty has long been lost.
Touching your wife's hand is the same as touching your right hand with your left hand.
But Zhang Chang still loves his wife as always. I don’t know how many people will be killed by such sweet dog food. I envy so many singles to death.
Zhang Chang's position is Jing Zhaoyin, the top leader in the imperial capital.
Zhang Chang could have been prime minister, with both talent and virtue.
It was because this incident reached the ears of the emperor, who repeatedly said it was a pity, a pity. Zhang Chang was crossed out from the list of prime ministers.
In ancient times, this was not in line with moral standards. A person who flirted with his wife all day long because he mistook the purpose of his wife was generally believed to be unfit for use.
Loving one's wife is a very shameful thing. Wife is not meant for love.
As a result, Zhang Chang lost the opportunity to become prime minister and was banned from being prime minister for life.
At that time, Yang Fan couldn't help but ask Mr. Wu, if a wife is not for love, then what is the purpose of marrying a wife?
At that time, Mr. Wu told him that according to the mainstream view of Ming Dynasty society, a wife has three correct uses.
1. Two surnames form an alliance. You marry the daughter of his family, and from then on the two families become in-laws. This is the cooperation and alliance of the interests of the two families.
Therefore, it is up to the head of the family to make the decision, the parents’ orders and the matchmaker’s words. This matter has nothing to do with you at all. The family gave birth to you, and you have to contribute to the family.
This is your obligation, not your right to assert it.
Yang Fan thought about it at the time and found that the logic was very clear and there was no fault in it.
This article considers the issue of survival, so it requires a good match.
If you can't survive, what's the point of talking about it, so most marriages are very realistic.
2. Carrying on the family lineage. Since your ancestors gave you blood and your parents gave you life, you have the obligation to pass on the blood of your ancestors.
So you must have children with your wife. This is your obligation and is not up for discussion.
If she is infertile, she can abandon her because she is ashamed of the upbringing of her ancestors and family and has not fulfilled her obligation to pass on the bloodline.
You can also take a concubine. If you don’t give birth, find someone else to wipe your ass. Do your duty for you. It also allows you to enjoy your rights without fulfilling your obligations.
Yang Fan thought about this carefully and couldn't refute it.
The fact is that parents really can't refuse their parents' request to have offspring. After all, they gave you life, and you have to give life to the next generation.
3. Manage family assets. It is a common division of labor between husbands and wives in this era that men take charge of the outside world and women take charge of the housework.
In this era, large families lived together, with a large population, complicated relatives, and even a large number of slaves and dependent farmers.
The wife is essentially the CEO of the entire family.
Take charge of the family's finances and management. They even had judicial power over concubines and slaves, and had the power of life and death.
Yang Fan thought about this and understood it. In ancient times, it was often said that "cultivate one's moral character, regulate one's family, govern the country, and bring peace to the world." I have always doubted that if I can manage my family, I will be able to govern the country and bring peace to the world.
It was only in this era that I realized that in ancient times, a home was like a big company, and the wife was the CEO. It was not easy to manage it well.
When he marries Xiao Niangpi, given his family background, Xiao Niangpi's workload will not be much less than that of Miss Dong. If you manage such a big house well, you can really govern the country and bring peace to the world.
Didn't I see that the bosses of the beautiful country's business world and the bosses of the political world rotate back and forth?
A good official is not necessarily a good entrepreneur, but a good entrepreneur must be a good official.
Ancient books say that when a country is in chaos, it misses a good husband; when a family is poor, it misses a good wife.
That's the truth.
The wife must also take extra care of the poor relatives in her husband's family, otherwise she will attract criticism.
Yang Fan found that personal desires, emotions and other factors were not considered at all in these three items.
He couldn't help but ask Mr. Wu. People have desires, how to solve desires. What should I do if I marry someone I don’t like and have no interest in, but I still have desires?
Mr. Wu said, you can take concubines, marry virtuous wives, and take concubines for sex.
Your wife is married to you as the general manager, so it depends on your ability and level. The concubine serves you with her beauty and specializes in solving your desire problems.
Mr. Wu's words immediately made Yang Fan lose his temper. You see, our ancestors had considered this when setting the rules.
If such a big loophole is not plugged, this set of rules will be enough.
How can it be passed down for thousands of years.
Yang Fan asked again, and the poem said: "Guan Guan Jiu Jiu, a gentleman likes to fight." It can be seen that love exists in human emotions, and love is not desire. How to solve this problem?
Mr. Wu smiled and said, this has been planned for you a long time ago. Go to a brothel.
What is the purpose of cultivating so many high-level courtesans who are proficient in music, chess, calligraphy, painting, poetry, singing, and dancing and cooking in brothels? Isn't it just for literati to fall in love?
Yang Fan understood. His ancestors had already clearly analyzed human nature and human needs.
A comprehensive system has been developed.
Marriage considers reality and is directed toward partners and alliances of interests.
Desire considers beauty, and it points to all the objects of the opposite sex that have no ethical or blood relationship with oneself that attract oneself.
Love considers the exchange of hearts. It is unique and exclusive. When you really fall in love with someone, you can no longer hold anyone else in your heart.
If it still works, it's not true love.
Marriage, desire, and love are three things that are intertwined but do not completely cover each other. The ancient sages used patriarchal design to decompose the three of them and then solve them one by one.
But the changes in modern civilization and moral concepts require you to realize these three demands at the same time in your marriage. Integrate the three demands and then implement them all on one object.
This is extremely difficult, and most people have neither the ability nor the conditions to integrate these three aspects.
This is very difficult to do and many people have to compromise.
Some people compromise lust and love for the sake of life.
There are also people who give up a life of material superiority for love.
There are also people who are lost in lust and cannot extricate themselves, making their marriage, family and love a mess.
In fact, today we, both men and women, have a more difficult time dealing with these problems than the ancients did.
Because it is difficult for us to perfectly solve all problems in a marriage. Since we have to compromise, we can only restrain ourselves, which puts higher moral requirements on people.
If you don't have a strong will, you will make mistakes.
So many marriages fail.
