Cao Aiqing's tears have always been He Tianran's biggest weakness.
Every drop of these stubborn tears seemed to fall into the man's dry and cracked heart, leaving him at a loss and feeling lost. In the end, he could only repeat the sentence feebly:
"It's all my fault...I failed you..."
However, such repentance was not forgiven.
"He Tianran, please stop admitting your mistakes. If you think everything you do is right in your opinion, then these apologies will only be limited to the guilt you feel towards me. I don't need your guilt. So what's the use of saying sorry to me every time you stab yourself?"
Cao Aiqing wiped away her tears with her hands and said without mercy:
"After Wen Liang left you, leaving your world in a mess, it hurt, right? You have been enduring this for the past two years, helping her, satisfying her, but when you have finished all these, dragging on like this A body riddled with holes came to see me and said sorry to me. What on earth did it mean?
So you also want to bring pain to fulfill me?
Who cares? !
Yes, I am full of sympathy for your experience, and I am gradually no longer obsessed with the past things you did to me, but I want to tell you He Tianran, it is not that the more you love, the more painful it is, you can get it from me. Repay, so don’t play with me the way you did to Wen Liang!
You are paying for the wrong person, and I am not blessed to bear the pain you have accumulated. It will only make me disgusted. Suffering is suffering, and it is not worth pursuing. Fundamentally, what we pursue is different, so you will never Apologizing with guilt and always with pain will never be forgiven by me!
Pain never equals sacrifice! "
The Internet violence incident is over, and Wen Liang's disappearance also allowed Cao Aiqing to indirectly understand the truth of the world. The feud between the two people has turned into a wave of resentment and anger. To truly resolve the resentment, the key lies in He Tianran's spirit.
These words are very straightforward. I beg you to stab me, or I stab myself first. These are not what Cao Aiqing wants, so she can't vent her grievances.
The girl could always say some words that struck a chord and reached her soul, making He Tianran's brain buzz.
But this time, it was particularly violent because it was a sentence that was completely opposite to the current situation of his fate.
If he wants to save the two souls in hell, then his own efforts are destined to only lead to pain.
It’s not that He Tianran doesn’t have things he wants to do, it’s not that he doesn’t have desires, it’s just that his desires have been bound to the fate of the three people since he learned the truth about the world. He has always used his abilities to become Some kind of messenger of justice, which gave him a kind of crucifixion-like hallucination of martyrdom.
But now, another woman in his destiny said that pain does not equal sacrifice.
This not only negates everything he has done before, but also shakes the faith he relies on for survival for the second time...
The first time, he separated the future from the present, but could not distinguish himself; the second time, the sky and the earth faded, and he was left with only pain, but a woman named "Bodhisattva" asserted that pain does not equal sacrifice.
So what have I been doing all this time?
As the girl said, if he can't save himself, what qualifications do he have to save others?
He couldn't help but shake his head, ranging from small to huge. The entanglements and worries that kept popping up in his heart made him unable to suppress the surging emotions. He was like a devout pilgrim, but with the hostility after his belief was shaken, he persisted. asked:
"You don't want to do this, and that's not appropriate either. Then tell me, what should I do? Bodhisattva!"
Cao Aiqing saw the change in his expression and knew that his words had stimulated him. Although he knew that the other party wanted an answer, the answer was not with him...
"No one can teach you, He Tianran... In this world, no one can teach you how to live your own life well. If there is, that person is definitely not me, because you have already gone ahead of many people. , your mental state is much older than ours..."
"..."
This almost ruthless and extremely true answer made He Tianran's eyes filled with deathly energy. His body that had just tensed up suddenly relaxed again, and Cao Aiqing continued:
"You have experienced so much, reincarnated so many times, repeated for so many years, whether it is the alienation of relatives, the withering of love, you have witnessed the success or failure of life again and again. What kind of people can teach you? Your parents Is it? Their lives have created you like this, and they may not live as well as you. What can they teach you?
Wen Liang taught you how to love at first, and now she is gone, so you endure the pain and give her a piece of perfection in return, but she only taught you love, who will teach you the rest? me?
Everyone thinks that putting regrets into the time game as a compensation for fantasy is a youthful romance, but how many people really ask themselves, what happens next?
I am just like you. Future memories make us become premature deaths in the world of youth and premature babies in the real world. We are just caught in this gray area. When you are no longer curious about the world and no longer have illusions about the future, Even ordinary people’s dreams are gone. You asked me to teach you, I’m sorry, I consider myself a clay Bodhisattva crossing the river, I don’t have this ability..."
There is no doubt that these words can only be described by Cao Aiqing to He Tianran's fateful dilemma.
When He Tianran came out of the warm "love education", he discovered that there is more than just love in this world.
I wanted to buy sweet-scented osmanthus and carry wine with me, but it turned out that it was not the same as a young man traveling.
This is cruel and a reality that must be faced.
"Curiosity and...fantasy?"
In this hell riddled with holes, He Tianran never thought about these two issues. He had long lost these two abilities.
"do you have?"
Cao Aiqing asked coldly.
He Tianran thought about it a thousand times and murmured:
"I have……"
"have what?"
He Tianran was silent for a long time, and sweat broke out on his forehead. As if to put a layer of insurance on the answer he was about to say, he asked absently:
"...Bodhisattva, will you protect me?"
Cao Aiqing paused, puzzled.
"Bodhisattva, will you protect me?"
He Tianran seemed to have thought of something, and he became a little angry. He asked again uneasily, and Cao Aiqing didn't know how to respond.
Having said this, without waiting for the girl to reply, the man stood up directly and took her hand.
This sudden move made Cao Ai Qinghua's face pale. She subconsciously wanted to shake off the hand holding her, but the other party had already held it firmly, and she saw an urgent look on He Tianran's face.
"I have emotions related to curiosity and fantasy. Come on, I'll take you to see it."
"Let go! He Tianran!"
He Tianran seemed to have grasped a life-saving straw, holding the girl tightly with his big hands without moving, and spit out an outrageous word that no one could resist -
"Walk!"
…
…
A moment later, the man and woman walked out of the University of Hong Kong, looking at each other in astonishment from passers-by.
At this time, He Tianran didn't seem to care about the sympathy and pity at all, and he was ashamed and guilty. He just held Cao Aiqing's hand forcefully. No matter whether the girl struggled or questioned, he turned a deaf ear and kept moving forward, as if to prove, I am not yet an "old man".
"Where are you taking me to celebrate Tianran? Are you crazy?"
"Let me go! What on earth are you going to do?!"
"..."
Cao Aiqing continued to struggle along the way, but gradually, the doubts in her heart overcame her initial confusion, because as the two of them walked in the university town, the expressions and reactions on the faces of the surrounding passers-by began to change in a way that was visible to the naked eye. The indifferent changes...
It stands to reason that if a girl is being forcefully pulled away on the street, even if she does not want to cause trouble, it is impossible for no one to pay attention to her. But the reality is that at this moment, passers-by seem to be unable to see them and pass them by with a blind eye. .
When Cao Aiqing noticed this situation, He Tianran had already taken her to a pedestrian street not far from the film school.
This pedestrian street is very lively. Cao Aiqing has been here more than once before and recently. She can even "imagine" that this street should be noisy at this time.
Yes, brainstorming.
Because at this moment, in Cao Aiqing's ears, after a burst of compressed buzzing, no sound could be heard at all. The world seemed to have pressed the mute button, and it began to become weird...
The girl felt her hands shaking slightly.
But there was no emotion like fear in her heart...
It wasn't her who was shaking.
Cao Aiqing looked at the back of the man in front of him.
"I'm not indifferent to everything, nor have I lost all emotion..."
The two of them just stood in the sea of people coming and going. The girl felt her wrist hurt from being pinched by He Tianran, which made her frown, but surprisingly, she stopped shouting this time.
"I...I still have fear..."
He Tianran turned his head and looked at the girl behind him as if to confirm. When he found that she was still there, the strength that held her wrist suddenly became much smaller...
Cao Aiqing asked carefully: "Is this your... other half of the world?"
He Tianran nodded in despair and murmured in a hoarse voice:
"I'm different from you Ai Qing. I can't communicate with those people who have lost their color. They are like countless black shadows shaking in front of my eyes. We can't hear or touch each other. It's like yin and yang are separated in my eyes. There is only a vast expanse of dead silence. I dare not go deep into this area because I am afraid that I will not be able to find my way back and be trapped here forever...
But inside, there are my lost dreams, my friends, my love, my... future.
I never thought that one day I would be so afraid of them and stay away from them..."
At this point, He Tianran didn't want to talk anymore. He continued to ask with a glimmer of hope:
"What about you, Ai Qing? In your eyes, what does this place look like?"
Cao Aiqing was silent for a moment after hearing this, and then said truthfully:
"I...if I didn't come with you, this place would have no impact on me. Even now, even if passers-by on the street can't seem to see us, I still haven't lost the color of this place..."
He Tianran's eyes burst out with joy, and when he was about to ask further questions, Cao Aiqing immediately poured a basin of cold water on him:
"I know what you are thinking, don't think about it. Wen Liang just disappeared from this world. There is no news about INTERESTING on the Internet. I asked Bai Tingting and several high school classmates, including our teacher, and they didn't know anything about Wen Liang. Liang’s memory, so even if I can enter this world that you can’t see clearly, I can’t help you with anything.”
Unexpectedly, He Tianran just smiled bitterly after hearing this.
"I don't expect you to help me find her. In fact, even if she appears in this world, I think I will only deliberately avoid her and no longer be involved in cause and effect..."
Cao Aiqing's face softened slightly.
"Can you take me to the film school? Don't think too much, I just want to take a walk..."
He Tianran suggested cautiously, here, he is like a timid child.
People always have some precious things that have nothing to do with love. After being pranked by Wen Liang, He Tianran would join the film and television industry when he was so depressed. This was not only for revenge, but also proved that he liked this industry enough.
But unfortunately, he seemed to miss out on his dream every time. Either the script was stolen, or it completely failed due to the life and death of two girls.
After so many reincarnations, it seems that he has never realized his movie dream...
The girl hesitated for a while.
"...What if I don't?"
"Why?!" He Tianran's emotions were completely stirred out of control by the girl's rejection again. He asked loudly: "I can help color your world, why can't you show mercy and help me? I just want to Take a walk around the place where I lived and studied before, why don’t you even want to help me with this?!”
Cao Aiqing remained calm and said calmly:
"He Tianran, let's not talk about whether I can help you restore your color. Is there only one university town and one film school in your world? Where can you find your dream? Beijing, Shanghai, and abroad, they are in your eyes Is it all black and white? And don’t forget, we are not helping each other, you owe me, not I owe you!”
He Tianran was so excited that his blood surged. He finally found someone who could step into this forgotten land with him, but he still could only walk alone, without even a chance to miss him...
He gritted his teeth and said firmly: "If you don't help me, then I won't help you!"
"...He Tianran, are you threatening me?" Cao Aiqing raised his eyebrows.
"..."
The man pursed his lips tightly and said nothing, and his face no longer had the indifference of the past.
"Let me go!"
"Don't let go!"
"release!"
"No!"
Cao Aiqing shook his hands vigorously, trying to break away from He Tianran's restraints, but the other man's hands were still holding on to him. No one expected that this man who was usually calm and carefree would actually commit a crime in the street. !
In desperation, Cao Aiqing raised He Tianran's hand, opened his mouth, and gave the other person's arm a firm bite!
It's the same location again! It’s the same trick again! Three times!
Cao Aiqing was like a cornered rabbit, the force of his bite was even harder than the previous two times. Although He Tianran could endure the physical pain, but...
As Cao Aiqing bit deeper, he chose to let go.
If the other party is so unwilling to help her, then she will leave one day...
There's no way he could just drag him with him for the rest of his life...
With a thought and a release of strength, the two hands separated, and Cao Aiqing broke free from He Tianran's hands.
The girl opposite stared at him stubbornly, her body gradually being submerged by the sea of shadows coming and going, and she gradually disappeared from He Tianran's eyes...
On his arm, bright red blood dripped down his fingertips and fell to the ground.
This turned out to be the only colorful thing in He Tianran's black and white world.
"Ai, Ai Qing...?"
He Tianran looked at this scene in disbelief. He murmured in his mouth and subconsciously raised his hand to touch the place where the girl was standing just now.
There was nothing there.
After letting go of his hand, He Tianran seemed to be the only one left in the world.
A huge sense of fear and loneliness filled He Tianran's heart, which made his whole body tremble like chaff, with chills standing on end but he was helpless.
A person's hell brings an unimaginable loneliness. A few frames of the human-shaped black shadow seemed to have been deliberately removed, leaving afterimages shuttled back and forth around him. He Tianran began to run desperately, trying to return. Normal world.
But the black and white street under my feet was instantly stretched infinitely like a sliding zoom in a Hitchcock movie. The end was in the distance. It was clearly visible, but it couldn't be reached no matter what...
An emotion called "despair" began to spread in He Tianran's heart. He could no longer maintain that indifference and numbness. He thought he was ready to welcome this day, but when he was actually in it, he could only After experiencing such a fragment, he collapsed and shouted:
"Ai Qing?! Ai Qing?! Where are you? Come out!"
He was calling out for another person who might appear in the world.
For He Tianran now, shouting this name is equivalent to saving a life.
It was just such hysteria, but it didn't elicit any response.
He Tianran didn't know how long he had been running on this road or how long he had been shouting. He was like an ant trapped in a two-dimensional world. Just an endless stretch of road left him unable to find his way back until he was exhausted. Until he lost all hope...
After the initial madness, the man's feet gradually slowed down and stopped in place.
He covered his face with his hands, his body was trembling slightly, and he slowly sank to the ground.
He wanted to cry, but there was no more tears in his eyes.
His crouching figure looked extremely desperate, frightened, lonely and small. He would be swept away by the black tide at any time, and he didn't know where he would rush to.
"You've become like this, and you still want to save me?"
In the silence, a female voice that seemed to come from the horizon and seemed to be right in front of him sounded in He Tianran's ears. He suddenly raised his head and looked around. He could feel that Cao Aiqing was here, but he just couldn't see him. …
Hope came quietly, but the questions that followed were so heavy and real at this moment that He Tianran opened his mouth, his chin trembling, unable to speak.
"If I leave, will your world be like this?"
"..."
"...If it weren't for Wen Liang and I, you could have lived a better life."
Two more questions in a row made He Tianran raise his head and then slowly lower it.
This scene is very similar to the sad scene when Cao Aiqing took shelter from the rain alone under the eaves of the old teaching building after learning about He Tianran's love.
At that time, after He Tianran found Cao Aiqing, he allowed the rain to pour on him, but he still vowed to say "Ai Qing, please believe me again."
But as time has passed, young men and women have gradually understood the weight of this sentence...
Now that the roles of the two have been reversed, in addition to changing the world, they no longer have the same identity and mentality as before to say such things.
"Ai Qing, it has nothing to do with you. This is my fault. You have always been the most innocent one. I don't need another 'what if'..."
Despite all the tangles and torments in his heart, He Tianran still did not blame others for his sins in the end.
"So if I leave now and leave you here, are you willing?"
"...Will you come and see me occasionally?"
This time, He Tianran answered quickly, but only silenced the other party.
The man rested his chin on his knees, his eyes blurred, and continued to face the empty world:
"...Ai Qing, I'm scared, really scared. Here, I seem to be dead, but my five senses are still intact, which proves that I seem to be alive again... This is the most tortured and torturous place. I I can't imagine what it will be like if I stay here for one year, two years, or even a hundred or a thousand years...
But if this is my fate and it makes you forgive me, I...will.
But, can you come and see me once in a while?
Because this place really...makes me feel worse than death...I...please..."
When He Tianran finished these words in a pleading tone, the world fell silent again...
…
He couldn't be sure whether Cao Aiqing was still there. Maybe this conversation was all his imagination. This uncertainty made his thinking and consciousness become turbid and blurred. Time seemed to be elongated. He was not even sure whether these conversations were It happened in the last second, or the year before...
This is the picture of hell that comes to him after he has accomplished everything.
When time and space become no longer clear, mental clarity is the cruelest punishment.
However, the turning point came when he felt like he heard this sentence again after several years -
"...He Tianran, it is not my long-cherished wish to have you stay here, so I can't forgive you yet, even if you want to."
This sentence stimulated the man's strongest nerve. It was so contradictory and reasonable, and it became an opportunity for He Tianran to leave here...
And just as He Tianran was surprised, a shadow of a hand suddenly appeared right in front of him. The hand hung slightly, and the translucent palm and fingertips seemed to have a holy shimmer, just hovering there. before his eyes.
"Ai Qing...I..."
"I don't like to accompany you here, and I don't like to live in memories, so you don't want me to bring you here to miss anything. If you still have things to do, stand up and I will take you out."
I'll take you out.
These five words are like piercing the dead silence and silence, a sound of nature that goes from heaven to hell.
He Tianran stretched out his hand tremblingly like a drowning person, and the moment the two people's fingertips touched, a circular light began to spread upward from the shadow's fingertips, arms, limbs, The body, and that graceful and charming face...
Cao Aiqing reappeared in this world so vividly and vividly.
The depressed man was pulled to his feet by her.
The image reflected in He Tianran's eyes at this moment was an angel who loves the world and a Bodhisattva who saves the suffering.
The two of them held hands tightly, and he was pulled by her to walk slowly. On this street where the end was close at hand, but always only one step away, because of the presence of a living girl, the journey they took Every step has a realistic scale.
He Tianran looked at Cao Aiqing's back infatuatedly. Once upon a time, the girl who said "As long as you turn around, you can see me" has now begun to lead him and stride forward...
The moment he walked out of the pedestrian street, the world in front of He Tianran was completely new. The hustle and bustle of the city, the footsteps of the crowd, the play of men and women, the tackiness of the market and the spotless girls around him...
Everything poured fiercely into his vision and eardrums. He Tianran gasped for air, like a person waking up from a nightmare, covered in sweat, as if he was extremely lucky after a lifetime...
He turned his head and looked at the Bodhisattva. Although the Bodhisattva was compassionate, he also had a bad temper and turned his head to the side.
He wanted to say, Bodhisattva, don’t talk about sharing the wind and rain, even this world, you have brought me to see it again...
But when the words came to my lips, they felt inappropriate.
Because no matter how embarrassed you are, you can't talk until you burst into tears in front of the Bodhisattva...
So, he smiled.
Laughed very hard.
The Bodhisattva noticed the movement, looked at him angrily, and muttered:
"That's an ugly smile."
(End of chapter)
