The memory stopped abruptly here. He Tianran curled up and pressed his forehead against the stone slab outside the Buddhist temple. Cao Aiqing had always been regarded as a role model in his heart, like a goddess.
In those dark days after being teased in public by Wen Liang, the secret love and obsession with Cao Aiqing rose to the level of spiritual comfort in He Tianran's heart. He had to do this, and he could only do this. Because he really couldn't find anyone else to talk to about his pain. Adults like He Panshan would not take the boy's pain as pain.
They will just think, what do you mean?
It's nothing more than confessing your love in public and being rejected. In the eyes of adults, this is really not a big deal. In the future, when you step into society, you may endure humiliation that is ten times or a hundred times worse than this. By then, you will only I will tell this story with a smile.
But in reality?
For a young man, when he needs a kind of respectability, it may be just this little thing, which is already a threshold that is difficult to cross in his life.
Therefore, the only thing he could think of, and even acted subconsciously, was to rely on the remaining yearning and excitement for beautiful things in his heart, like Ah Q, deceiving himself and others to fantasize, to wash away and resist the malicious intentions of the outside world. .
However, as age increases and the influence of the environment increases, this kind of emotion gradually becomes deformed and distorted. Under a series of chain reactions, it eventually leads to a catastrophe...
The Cao Aiqing who once supported her survival, the girl who symbolized beauty and purity, was...indirectly killed by herself.
"This is wrong...this is wrong...I gave her the prayer beads...I asked her to choose again...she...how could she..."
He Tianran lay on the ground with his eyes split open and howled in pain. The tears in his eyes fell on the cold ground bit by bit. The memory that appeared out of thin air made his brain confused, and the intense emotions that followed the memory, And made his life worse than death.
He was gasping for air. He lowered his left hand from his head to support it on the ground. He raised his eyes with difficulty and looked towards the Buddhist temple. In his blurry vision, the seated statue of the compassionate Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva had a calm and peaceful face. A terrifying aura slowly emerged. He Tianran was horrified by the downcast eyes and his whole body trembled.
But even so, He Tianran still kept his voice hoarse and asked with difficulty:
"What...what happened next?"
There was a trace of compassion in the old monk's eyes, and he said slowly:
"Later, the donor knew that he had committed a serious crime by killing innocent people, and he was trapped in boundless sorrow every day. After a few months, he finally chose to jump into the abyss at a pavilion outside the mountain and commit suicide..."
He Tianran lowered his head. He was not surprised by such a result. It could even be said that after he had this memory and experienced that emotion, all he could think of was this...
The mage in front of me didn't remind him of all the memories. Was he afraid that his spirit would completely collapse under the influence of the memory of death?
Suddenly, he suddenly asked: "Then... what about Wen Liang? She... how is she?"
The old monk sighed and said, "The donor, He, has been dead for more than a month. Although the donor, Wen, was with him, he didn't know the whole cause and effect and had no way to explain it. He also felt powerless and exhausted, so he died. One month after the death of the benefactor, she fell into grief and became ill. After all...she committed the foolish act of sacrificing herself for love."
One cause and effect, three lives.
This is the truth lingering in this reincarnation.
"What about you...who are you...since we are all dead, why do you want us to live!! Why do you have to let me go through all this?!!! What is this world?!!!"
He Tianran's expression went from confused and sad to furious. His voice rose gradually, and in the end, he roared at the Buddha in the temple.
The young man's face was pale, and two lines of scarlet blood tears gradually flowed from his eyes of resentment and grief. The left hand that supported his body was grasped with force, and at some point, five small dents were made on the threshold of the Buddhist temple, and the cover of his fingers was even bigger. Due to the huge pressure, the roots were separated and upturned, and blood oozed all over the ground.
He looked like an evil ghost who had just crawled from hell to the human world, screaming incompetently at the powerful, noble and holy Buddha in the temple.
However, this mood did not last long. His questions echoed over and over again in the solemn Buddhist temple. The Buddha's silence made him despair. Gradually, his voice became smaller and weaker. , in the end, he could only lie weakly on the ground, staring at the towering threshold of the Buddhist temple with empty eyes, just like the endless despair after being teased by Wen Liang at that time.
Countless ridicules, sarcasms, and insults seemed to echo in his ears, like the tide washing away his eardrums one after another, and finally, a long and long sigh pulled his mind back from these insults——
"Why……"
In the Buddhist hall, a sigh from the old monk came in vain. His throat trembled. Under his snow-white brows, a pair of old eyes flashed with the sorrow of recollection. He murmured:
"Actually, the benefactor He was fortunately protected by vegetation when he died. Although he was seriously injured and fell unconscious, his life was saved..."
"Not... not dead?"
After He Tianran heard this, he immediately turned over with difficulty, his eyes fixed on the "successful monk" who was arbitrarily manipulating his own destiny.
"He was rescued by the monks of Chuanling Temple. He wanted to take him down the mountain for medical treatment. But after he woke up, he realized that he had made a big mistake and was too embarrassed to face the people he loved. So he struggled and begged the elders of the temple to keep it secret, and even It's a matter of death.
At first, the elders in the temple did not agree to his request. Seeing that he was determined to die, and fearing that something might happen, they had to temporarily conceal the news about him in the temple and wait until the next day to try to persuade him.
At that time, the search and rescue team that went up the mountain did not find any trace of him, and only found some clothes and a last letter. His relatives at the foot of the mountain found the token. They did not give up the search at first, but as more than a month passed, hope gradually faded, so A few days later, a funeral was finally held for him.
After a few more months of this, Almsgiver He was mostly healed from his injuries and his mood became much more stable. Only then did the elder realize his compassion and persuaded him to go down the mountain to visit his relatives. Unexpectedly, after he came down from the mountain, the news of Almsgiver Wen's death was overwhelming. Come on, bad news is coming one after another. It’s really fate that makes people...
At this point, the donor He was completely empty of all thoughts and had no memory of him in this world. From then on, there was no more donor named "He Tianran" at the foot of the mountain, but there was an additional monk named "He Tianran" on the mountain. , every day in front of Ksitigarbha, eating fast and chanting sutras, hoping that those who feel guilty can escape from the sea of suffering as soon as possible and be reborn in bliss. "
He Tianran was heartbroken and said sadly: "If you had even met Wenliang before this and told her that you were still alive, she would not have died!!!!"
The old monk calmed down and said calmly:
"If we had met at that time, it would have been nothing more than a show of cause and effect. Who will be blessed with good luck now? Why bother to be persistent in congratulating the donor?"
He Tianran was speechless for a moment, but the old monk actually advised him not to be persistent. Now the young man didn't know whether he should be angry or sad. He was silent for a long time, struggled to get up, and slowly sat down cross-legged outside the hall, his throat was sore. asked:
"...who am I?"
"It's me, it's you, it's He Tianran, it's cause and effect under the mountain, it's liberation before the Buddha."
The old monk's eyes reflected the appearance of a young man, and with lotus flowers in his mouth, he continued:
"When I first entered the world of mortals, I didn't know the sufferings of this world. When I suddenly looked back, I was already a person in pain. It was hard to pass every pass, and it was hard to stay up night after night. There was no spring and autumn in the mountains. I kowtowed in front of the Buddha. I don't know when, and I saw countless In the flow of cause and effect, there is no deterioration in human appearance, no birth and no death, both awareness and manifestation, and obstruction and dust cover. Now, I only seek a non-obstruction, non-appearance, and nirvana."
He Tianran's thinking was confused, his mind was like a ball of mud, he couldn't understand but he couldn't understand, so he asked awkwardly:
"I...I don't understand...but since you have seen me so many times in reincarnation, isn't there ever a time when you were able to clear your mind?"
The old monk smiled and said: "It's not a mental obstacle, it's my wish. Donor He, just imagine, if you failed to notify Donor Bai about this fight, what would happen between you, Donor Cao and Donor Wen?"
He Tianran thought for a while. At first, he only thought that this matter was related to the relationship between Bai Tingting and Xue Yong, but now, he had another feeling. He replied:
"If I hadn't told Tingting, Ai Qing might not have known about my fight with Xue Yong. Wen Liang would still have come, but they wouldn't have bumped into each other. If things continued, Wen Liang and I might have..."
At this point, He Tianran suddenly stopped. He remembered that when he was in the ward, he was fascinated by the color. If Bai Tingting hadn't happened to help Xue Yong to visit and bumped into him, he would have been addicted to the sea of lust. By then, even if he had feelings for Ai Qing No matter how much guilt you feel, I'm afraid it's all determined by cause and effect.
Wen Liang actually asked a very good question, that is, if what happened between He Tianran and Cao Aiqing really happened, would he still choose to time travel.
The answer is no.
On the contrary, he did the same to Ai Qing.
Desire and reason, guilt and love, just like Wen Liang and Ai Qing, it's hard to have both, he has to choose one.
"I have seen this intertwining of spiritual desires thirty-one times. Congratulations, donor, is this what you wish for?"
He Tianran shook his head, "Although the relationship between me and them is nourished by desire, it is also burdened by desire. I can make a choice, but before making a choice, I want everyone to let go without any worries."
"You want to be a saint?"
"I'm no saint."
He Tianran shook his head again, pondered for a while, and said frankly:
"I'm just an ordinary man. I'm greedy for Ai Qing's tenderness towards me, but I don't want to let warmth and coolness leave me. I will be carried away in front of beauty, and I will also fall asleep when I'm sleeping with you. I thought about not being rude to the beautiful woman; I have thought about it countless times, if I could hug each other and do the best for everyone, would there not be so much pain...
However, regardless of what they think, I can't do it myself. My conscience will not allow me to tarnish their personality or hurt them again.
You have watched me so many times in reincarnation. You should know that being with Wen Liang makes me feel guilty. Being with Ai Qing feels regretful. Giving up is a kind of escape. All of them are an insult because I can't face it calmly. They, so no matter who I choose in the end, I owe everything.
And precisely because this period of cause and effect is no longer good, this period of reincarnation is still going on. I am at the foot of the mountain with worries, but you are rarely able to achieve perfection in front of the Buddha. "
After hearing this, the old monk spread his hands, palms facing outwards, in front of his knees, looked at each other and said with a smile:
"It is true as it is said, you and I, up and down the mountain, are practicing individually. The so-called practice is to control the nature, and the enlightenment is to control the nature. The enlightened person has laws from his heart, and the practitioner controls the mind with laws. The problem you are facing now is nothing more than Although those with unproven nature will not suffer bad consequences, they will abide in the mind of cause and effect, and will not reach nirvana. However, to me, it is neither perfect nor unfulfilled, neither full nor dissatisfied, nor is it called ultimate. Complete.”
After He Tianran heard those words, he felt like he breathed a long sigh of relief. As he reflected on himself and solved his doubts after each question, his state of mind became a little clearer. This feeling was like a sudden realization, and he suddenly understood. Why do you appear in this "world"?
He opened his mouth and said:
"So, the meaning of my existence is to resolve this cause and effect. It's like this reincarnation is a big maze. I'm like a slime mold, slowly stretching my cytoplasm to cover the entire path of the maze. Those other selves or other timelines that hit a wall are dead ends.
Therefore, I will take back the excess part under the choice again and again, leaving only the only line connecting the entrance and the exit, and this line is liberation and completion, right? "
The old monk imitated the way he went first, nodded, shook his head, smiled and said something that was either a compliment or a derogation: "It seems that Monk Hua is very talented, and it is difficult for ascetics to obtain the true scriptures."
He Tianran couldn't help but smile after hearing these words. He suddenly thought of a question: "Why did Wen Liang remember the original future at the beginning, and how could she forget it now? What are your intentions in asking her to observe the precepts? And why can’t I remember memories about my family?”
"This has nothing to do with keeping the precepts. The precepts just tell her not to interfere with cause and effect. Just like when you remember another future, you will suffer the pain of cause and effect. And the reason why you forget something is because, at a certain point in time, You have already been satisfied."
"Satisfied? Satisfied for what?"
"Long-cherished wish."
Memories of getting along with Wen Liang flashed through He Tianran's mind. With the previous inferences, various details made his mind spin, and he quickly came to a conclusion:
"Last September, I confessed to her and said I loved her. This was her long-cherished wish at the time, right? She had already been liberated, but later I traveled through time again, allowing her to retain another part of her life. About the memory of the future, because this time she already knows that I love her, so now, her long-cherished wish has changed?"
The old monk remained silent, but He Tianran thought more and more deeply...
"If I fulfill her long-cherished wish, will she be able to escape from reincarnation? When Ai Qing died, she must have had a long-cherished wish that was not fulfilled. If I can find it and help her fulfill it, then the cause and effect between the three of us, this kind of Has the endless cycle of reincarnation finally come to an end?"
He Tianran became more and more anxious as he spoke, as if he saw a little light emanating from the exit of this reincarnation.
At this moment, the young man's face slowly showed its due glory, but the old monk's eyes were full of compassion.
"Forgetting words lingers in your heart, and all previous relationships are wiped out. When their long-cherished wish comes true, they will forget all the past related to you, and even this world will erase the intersection between you and them bit by bit. You Have you thought about it?"
He Tianran was stunned, his eyes trembling.
This is the exit from the maze and the way to escape.
He was silent for a moment and then asked:
"Then...will I still remember it?"
"I'll wait for you to go up the mountain next time. You will remember it."
"How many times have you waited?"
The old monk was noncommittal.
"……enough."
enough.
He Tianran raised his head and looked at the Ksitigarbha Dharmakaya again. He calmed his breathing and slowly closed his eyes. In his ears, he heard his own heartbeat that had returned from rapid to slow. He took out the pocket watch given by Ai Qing again. , tightly held in his hands as if he wanted to seize the moment.
May the mortal world pass me by, and may lovers have an afterlife.
When he opened his eyes again, he had become the young man with a worldly look and an open heart. He said loudly:
"Wen Liang has to compromise because she loves me. She is such a proud person, but she has lost her original glory. This is not right. The same is true for Ai Qing. Because of me, she is kind-hearted and struggles at both ends of human nature. Two completely different lives were forced to be coupled. Her pain was not inferior to mine, and this was even more inappropriate.
Like you, I want to save them from the sea of suffering. Even if they forget me, even if I am reluctant to let go, I will not hesitate at all. This is not ego, but my wish! Because this is the right thing, this is what I want to do for them! "
He Tianran stood up slowly and raised his left hand to his chest. The old man Gu Jing Wubo's face was also slightly moved. He clasped his hands together again and saluted both inside and outside the door.
Where did Bodhi come from? Only today do I know who I am.
The person outside the door suddenly turned around and walked away.
The young man always rides fast and sails, but the road is long and difficult to turn.
Be upright, be sincere, be calm, and go through mountains and rivers without any doubts or delays.
The old man inside the door also stood up, walked and stood behind the door frame, looked into the distance with his hands behind his hands, and sighed:
"When you have perfected your awakening and practice, you will be a human-like Buddha. You will dream of a white bowl of clear water. You will see millions of insects in the world. All things will come true in the future. I will fulfill my youthful dream."
(Volume 4, end)
(End of chapter)
