There was no light on in her room, and the only light was the crescent moon outside the window. The moonlight passed through the window and sprinkled on the desk. The daisies on the table exuded fragrance in the moonlight.
She stood in the moonlight, looking up at him with her little porcelain white face.
Lu Zhinian was wearing a black jacket with the zipper pulled to the top and the collar raised up to cover a little of his chin. He also wore a black peaked cap on his head, with the brim so low that she couldn't see his eyes clearly.
"Why are you back so late?"
Lu Zhinian looked into her eyes and heard her somewhat complaining tone, feeling a sour and swollen feeling in his heart.
He vaguely seemed to see Jiang Suchu as a child, domineering and arrogant, as if everything in the past was just a nightmare for him. He woke up from the nightmare, knocked on her door, and saw her standing quietly in front of him, his heart slowly dropped.
When Jiang Suichu saw that he kept looking at her without speaking, she stretched out her hand and gently pulled off his sleeve and called him: "Lu Zhinian."
She was afraid of disturbing Aunt Yuan, so she kept her voice low and soft.
"Yeah." Lu Zhinian's Adam's apple rolled and he made a hoarse sound.
He lowered his eyes and glanced at her hand holding his sleeve, his eyes burning a little.
It’s the feeling of something lost and found again.
He resisted the urge to hug her into his arms, raised his hand and put it on the top of her head, rubbing it, "Is it convenient for me to go in?"
"Yes." Jiang Suchu nodded, stepped aside to let him in, then pressed the switch next to the door and turned on the light in the room.
Lu Zhinian walked into the room carrying the paper bag in his hand. The layout of her room was the same as his, but the decoration style was different.
Jiang Suchu walked behind him, looked at the bag in his hand, and guessed it was the gift he mentioned. It had been a long time since she had received a gift, and she felt a little nervous and expecting.
No idea what he would give her.
There was a thick plush carpet beside the bed. Lu Zhinian took off his slippers and sat cross-legged at the head of the bed. Jiang Suichu also took off his slippers, walked over barefoot, and sat next to him.
She saw him take out an irregular geometric solid wood stand from the bag and place it on the bedside table, and then take out a round ball and place it on the stand.
Jiang Suchu looked at the ball in confusion and asked him, "What is this?"
Lu Zhinian connected the power cord of the night light, then looked at Jiang Suchu and said, "Send you the moon."
"Moon?" Jiang Suchu looked at him. Under the brim of his hat, his eyes were deep and gentle, seeming to be a bit softer than the moonlight outside the window.
Then she watched him raise his hand to cover the switch on the bedside. With a click, the lights in the room suddenly went out, and the surroundings fell into darkness.
In the darkness, she heard Lu Zhinian say to her.
"Jiang Suichu, I will give you the light back."
I will give you all the tenderness that this world has never given you.
Jiang Suchu was stunned for a moment, and then saw the ball he placed on the bedside table light up. The sphere emits a warm yellow light and looks like the moon on the surface, with shadows and craters.
The light of the night light is not very bright, only there is some light at the head of the bed. The room was quiet and dim, with a faint warm light shining on the two of them, as if they were wrapped in old times.
Jiang Suchu leaned over in surprise, put his hands on the edge of the cabinet, put his chin on the back of his hands, raised his head and looked at the night light, and said, "It turns out it's really the moon."
Her eyes were illuminated very brightly, and she looked like a kitten when she raised her head.
Lu Zhinian curled his lips as he looked at her, and leaned over to the lamp. He looked at her side face and asked in a low voice: "Do you like it?"
"Yes, I like it." Jiang Suichu nodded while looking at the moon. Her eyes were slightly sore when she thought of what he had just said to her.
"Every year."
She called his name in a soft voice, without the excitement in her voice, and she didn't turn her head to look at him.
But Lu Zhinian's eyes remained on her face, and he responded in a low voice.
"I am here."
He saw her long, curled eyelashes casting a shadow on her eyelids.
Jiang Suichu stretched out his index finger and pointed at the lamp, murmuring: "Do you know why I'm afraid of the dark?"
She seemed to be asking him, but it was more like she was talking to herself.
Of course Lu Zhinian didn't know. He asked Jiang Minghao, and Jiang Minghao said that he didn't know either. Jiang Suichu never told him the reason.
But if she is willing to tell herself now, does it mean that she has begun to rely on herself.
His Adam's apple rolled and his heart felt a little tight.
He put his arms on the cabinet, leaned his head on the cabinet and looked at her, "Do you want to tell me?"
Jiang Suchu turned his head and looked at him, his eyes red.
He said: "If you want to say something, I will listen. If you don't want to say anything, let's forget all the bad things together."
"Okay?"
He didn't want her to think about those bad and painful experiences again.
Jiang Suichu sniffed, lowered his head and smiled bitterly.
If only I could forget it.
Ten years ago, Jiang Zhiwei died in the line of duty. Jiang Suichu's mother, Li Liyun, was tired of living in fear due to her husband's career and was unwilling to stay in Yun City, so she took Jiang Suichu back to her natal family, Xuancheng.
As soon as he arrived in Xuancheng, Jiang Suichu felt that his grandmother and uncle did not want to see him. By chance, she heard the conversation between her grandmother, uncle and mother.
Grandma said she was a loser and should not be brought back. My uncle said that no man would marry a woman with children.
At that time, Li Liyun would refute them, saying that she could survive alone with Jiang Suichu and would not remarry.
However, life is not a fairy tale.
It's not that easy for a woman to live with a child, not to mention that neither her mother nor her brother understand her. Perhaps because her energy had been blunted by life, Li Liyun gradually no longer rejected the blind date arranged by Jiang Suichu's grandma.
Jiang Suichu also cried and asked her mother if she would abandon her if she married someone else.
Li Liyun said no.
But, she lied.
Jiang Suichu will always remember that day. Li Liyun put on beautiful makeup and wore a very festive red dress.
The man's car was parked in front of my grandma's house.
Jiang Suichu was sitting at the door wearing a small skirt. She looked at the car, then looked back at her mother who was applying lipstick in the mirror.
She vaguely felt that her mother would not come back after leaving this time.
She ran into the house in fear, cried and hugged Li Liyun's thigh, raised her head and begged her, "Mom, can you not leave."
Li Liyun's hand that applied lipstick paused. She put away her lipstick and knelt down to hold Jiang Suchu's face, gently wiping away her tears.
"Be good every year. Mom will be back after going out for a while."
Jiang Suchu cried and shook his head, not wanting to hear it, "No, no, no, I don't want you to leave."
Grandma heard her crying, walked over with a straight face and pulled her hand, "Why are you so ignorant!"
As she spoke, grandma began to scold Li Liyun again, "Look at the children you teach, they are not obedient at all."
Jiang Suichu pushed her grandmother away and hugged Li Liyun tightly, crying and sobbing, "Mom, are you going to get married, are you going to stop being Suisui?"
Li Liyun's eyes turned red and she smiled and said to her, "No, why wouldn't Mom want Suisui?"
"Okay, let's play your favorite hide-and-seek, okay? You hide in the closet and I'll come find you. Mom won't go out."
Jiang Suchu looked at his mother with big eyes filled with tears, "Really?"
Li Liyun smiled, touched her head, stretched out her hand and said to her, "Really, let's pull the hook."
Jiang Suchu hooked up with his mother and happily got into the closet. Mom said she would come to her as soon as she counted to ten.
One, two, three,...eight, nine...
She counted quickly, but when she reached nine, she suddenly stopped counting.
Because she knew that no one would come to her.
Neither does mom.
That day, she hid alone in the dark cabinet.
Even though she grew up later, she still lived in that closet. She couldn't get out, and no one else could get in.
Later, Li Liyun remarried and moved to that man's home.
That man was also married for the second time. His ex-wife fell ill and died a few years ago, leaving behind a daughter as old as Jiang Suchu.
Li Liyun originally considered marrying him because they both had a child and the conditions were similar. But unexpectedly, before receiving the certificate, he had made a good promise that the two would raise two children together, but after receiving the certificate, the man changed his mind.
The man's daughter has been spoiled since she was a child. She cried every day when she knew he had remarried. Now I heard that the stepmother had another daughter coming, which was even more difficult to accept. She cried and shouted that if they brought Jiang Suichu over, she would jump off the building and commit suicide.
The man was frightened by his daughter's intense emotions, so naturally he did not dare to pick Jiang Suichu over.
He told Li Liyun that his daughter was still young and needed time to pick her up. He would slowly do some ideological work for her, and asked Li Liyun to temporarily leave Jiang Suichu at her grandmother's house.
Although Li Liyun was angry that he made a promise to her without doing the ideological work on the child in advance, at this point she had no choice but to nod in agreement.
She went back to her parents' house and told her about it. Grandma Jiang Suichu cursed and pointed at her: "Why do you think you have such a bad taste in men? You are a short-lived ghost, and this one is a Zhou Bapi."
Sons were valued over daughters at home, and Li Liyun grew up surrounded by her mother's criticism.
Li Liyun looked at her mother with red eyes and asked her, "Mom, isn't this what you found for me?"
This man was in the door and window business with several shops in Xuancheng. Among all the men who were willing to accept Li Liyun's second marriage, he had the best conditions.
Grandma Jiang Suichu choked and said nothing.
Li Liyun said: "Mom, if you don't want to take care of Suisui, then I'll get divorced. Anyway, I just got the certificate a few days ago."
Hearing what Li Liyun said, Grandma Jiang Suichu became anxious. She had received tens of thousands of dollars in bride price from men. If they got married in this place and got divorced before giving birth to a son and a half, the man would take the bride price back.
Those tens of thousands of dollars had been squandered by Uncle Jiang Suichu long ago, and she still wouldn't come out if he wanted her to pay them back.
She thought for a moment and said with a straight face: "I can help you with it, but you have to pay for living expenses."
In this way, Jiang Suchu was fostered at his grandmother's house.
She moved a small bench and sat at the gate waiting every day. Her mother said she would come to pick her up.
But we waited for several months, and every time my mother came back, she only stayed for a short time, and never mentioned that she wanted to take her away.
Once, my mother bought a lot of things and came back to see her. There are stuffed toys, beautiful princess dresses, and even a lot of chocolates that I usually don’t let her eat for fear of tooth decay.
Jiang Suchu thought her mother was here to pick her up this time, and she was extremely happy.
Li Liyun put several chocolates in her pocket and let her play in the yard while she and her grandmother talked.
She obediently agreed and played with the doll her mother had just bought for her in the yard.
"Mom must be here to pick me up today, right, little rabbit." She happily talked to the rabbit doll.
A gust of wind blew, and there was a crisp sound of tinkling bells in the wind.
Jiang Suichu sucked the sweet chocolate in his mouth and looked up to see the enamel wind chimes hanging on the window.
It's a white sunny doll.
"Ah!" She thought of something and said to herself, "I have to ask my mother to help me take down the Sunny Baby that is given to me every year." Otherwise, it would be terrible if she forgets to take it away.
She ran into the house to find her mother with the bunny doll in her arms, and they talked in her grandmother's room.
Just as Jiang Suichu was about to open the door, he heard his grandmother's voice.
"Are you pregnant? How long have you been?"
Li Liyun: "I just checked out today. It's been almost a month."
Grandma smiled happily: "It's a good thing to be pregnant. Isn't this what the Zhou family is looking forward to this week? Now the Zhou family is willing to accept the passing of the year."
Li Liyun shook his head.
Then she heard her grandmother's raised voice, "What does the Zhou family mean this time? Is it because his daughter doesn't accept it or they are unwilling?"
Li Liyun cried and said: "Their family had no intention of accepting Suisui from the beginning."
It was only later that she discovered that the two elders of the Zhou family had been instigating their granddaughter to misbehave behind her back. It was just to stabilize Li Liyun first. Now that she was pregnant, they expected that she would not get divorced easily, so they stopped pretending.
The smile on Jiang Suichu's face gradually disappeared outside the door.
She stopped listening to the conversation between her mother and grandmother. She calmly returned to the yard and sat on the small bench.
Soon, mother and grandma came out after talking.
Her mother looked at her with complicated eyes that she couldn't understand or understand.
She only knew that her mother would not take her away this time.
She smiled and called her sweetly, "Mom."
Li Liyun looked away with red eyes and wiped her tears, then walked to her and knelt down in front of her, "Sui Sui, mom... go back first. Mom will come see you in a few days."
"Yes. Goodbye, mom." Jiang Suchu nodded with a smile, not asking her why she couldn't be with her mother every time like before.
Later, Li Liyun went from visiting her once a week to once a month, two months...
One day, grandma suddenly said that she would take her out to play. That day, grandma took her schoolbag and put a lot of snacks in it.
Grandma took her to the town. The town was very big and Jiang Suchu rarely visited.
Grandma took her to eat delicious osmanthus rice cakes, and then took her to an alley.
Grandma told her that she was going to buy something and asked Jiang Suichu to wait for her here.
However, Jiang Suchu felt extremely frightened when she saw her grandmother leaving. She chased after her shortly after she left.
However, there were people coming and going on the street, and grandma could no longer be seen. In a strange street and an incomprehensible language, Jiang Suichu's little figure shuttled through the crowd in panic.
She cried and called her grandma. She saw many familiar figures from behind. She cried and went up to grab the clothes of those people, but all she saw were unfamiliar faces.
She realized something, but didn't dare admit it.
She cried and returned to the alley, thinking that maybe grandma would be back soon.
However, it was dark and grandma did not come back.
The tears on my face have long since dried up, and when the wind blows on my face, my skin feels stretched.
She remembered what her father had taught her before, to call the police if she got lost.
Later, my mother and grandma had a big fight at the police station. Grandma said that she just forgot.
She looked at the two of them calmly and indifferently, and waited until they finished arguing before she spoke.
She looked at Li Liyun and said, "Mom, I want to go back to grandma's house."
After saying this, Jiang Suchu suddenly felt relieved.
Lu Zhinian felt like a stranded fish and had difficulty breathing. His Adam's apple rolled and he was choked with sobs, making it difficult to speak.
It turned out that she said to Jiang Minghao: At least I won't get lost here.
She was once abandoned in the vast sea of people.
Lu Zhinian looked at her, his eyes flushed red, and he said hoarsely: "Jiang Suichu, welcome back."
She looked at Lu Zhinian, arched her eyebrows and said, "Thank you, A-Nian."
Thank you for giving me a ray of light. Thank you also for making me feel that there is a way back.
Lu Zhinian looked at her bitter smile, and felt densely sour in his heart. He stretched out his hand and rubbed her head, and said seriously: "Zhuzhu, everything in the world is not right or wrong, good or bad. It's just different positions. Everyone just does different things in different states. choice. Don’t deny yourself because of other people’s choices.”
"You have to understand that there are many things worth loving in life."
"But most importantly, you have to learn how to love yourself first."
Jiang Suchu looked at him blankly, pursed his lips and trembled his chin slightly.
"So, it's not because I'm bad that my mother doesn't want me..." She choked, tears falling from the corners of her eyes, "right?"
Lu Zhinian stretched out his hand and curled his index finger to brush away the tears that were about to fall on her chin, "Of course not."
He sat up, held her in his arms, held her back with one hand, and patted her head gently with the other.
"Our princess Sui Sui is the best and the best in the world...the best and the best."
baby.
He said many, many best things in succession.
Jiang Suchu leaned on his shoulder and burst into laughter.
When she was a child, her favorite thing was to force Lu Zhinian and Pei Shuo to praise her.
They often said this at that time, saying that she was the best and best princess in Sui Sui.
