In this new house, Yu Qingtang felt helpless for a long time.
The last time he was on pins and needles was when he first arrived at the He family. The old man allowed him to live in the same courtyard as his brother.
He had never had a full stomach since he was a child. What he saw was an antique courtyard, and everything that caught his eye was exquisite and luxurious.
As for him, he was wearing cloth shoes that had been patched countless times but still had three toes exposed. His shirt and pants were already dirty and pulpy. His brother had simply scrubbed them to apply medicine when he rescued him, but You can easily rub the mud off with a little sweat.
The moment he walked into the yard, he didn't know where to land his feet.
The self-esteem and shame he had forgotten for a long time in order to survive desperately exploded in his mind at that moment.
Bang.
The explosion made him dizzy and his body was cold. What followed was something more unbearable than the whip and pepper spray that fell on him.
He felt he didn't deserve to be there.
But his brother didn't give him a chance to escape. Instead, he threw him into a large bathtub and served as his personal bath master.
What was washed away that day was not only the dirt and dust on his body, but also all the memories of him being treated like an animal.
From then on, he was Yu Qingtang.
A wild boy born in a dusty countryside, he has been working hard to avoid being beaten and survive since he can remember. This thing alone has used up all his energy. He has no idea what mysophobia is.
His mysophobia and love for cleanliness were just habits developed from that day on.
He just wants to be like his brother, always clean, and wants to live a clean life.
Jin Yan took off his sunscreen coat, washed his hands and came out. What he saw was Yu Qingtang standing in a daze at the door.
His expression was painful and fragile, and he didn't even notice that she was approaching.
Jin Yan waved his hand in front of his eyes and poked his shoulder. Yu Qingtang suddenly came back to his senses. Seeing Jin Yan close at hand, he was stunned for a moment before he remembered what he had just been doing.
"What's wrong with you?" Jin Yan asked.
Yu Qingtang shook his head, "I remembered some past events."
Jin Yan said "Oh" and said, "Change your shoes first. They feel hot when you look at them. There are slippers in the shoe cabinet. They are daddy's shoe size. You should be able to wear them."
Yu Qingtang obediently opened the shoe cabinet and saw several pairs of spare slippers inside.
He changed his shoes and asked where the bathroom was.
Jin Yan pointed it out to him.
When Yu Qingtang came out of the bathroom, Jin Yan was no longer in the living room. He was afraid that Jin Yan had gone back to the bedroom, so he didn't look further.
After a few seconds, he heard the sound of cutting things coming from the kitchen. His expression changed and he strode towards the kitchen instantly.
Jin Yan was cutting fruit when a voice came from behind her. She looked back and the fruit knife almost fell into her hand.
As if he could teleport, Yu Qingtang arrived at her side in the blink of an eye and snatched the knife from her hand.
She was the one who almost had her hand cut off, but it was Yu Qingtang who looked remorseful and distressed.
If he hadn't left, Jin Yan wouldn't have had the chance to touch the fruit knife, and naturally he wouldn't have been injured.
Yu Qingtang skillfully cut the fruits that Jin Yan took out and placed a familiar fruit plate, "Take this to the living room first, and I will wash some grapes."
Jin Yan took the fruit plate but stood still, just looking at his profile quietly.
Yu Qingtang had no choice but to let her go.
After he finished washing, Jin Yan turned around and left before he opened his mouth.
An idea suddenly came to Yu Qingtang's mind.
Is it because Jin Yan didn't leave because he wanted to see him more?
When they arrived at the living room, Jin Yan was huddled in the corner of the sofa like a kitten. Yu Qingtang paid attention to her posture and couldn't help but said, "Sitting like this will hurt your spine."
Jin Yan had just eaten a grape. She said, "It feels safe to sit like this." As soon as she finished speaking, the water in the grape splashed out and hit Yu Qingtang's face.
"..."
Jin Yan was silent for a moment, then quickly threw away the pillow and stood up to get a tissue. Looking at her appearance, Yu Qingtang sighed.
"Baby."
Jin Yan paused.
Yu Qingtang came closer, grabbed her shoulders with both hands, and asked her to look at him, "Why are you so uneasy? You know I won't be angry with you, let alone a grape. You just put these two plates of fruit together." Beat it into mud and shove it all in my face, and I won't be angry with you."
Jin Yan raised her eyes, looked at the pain in his eyes, and clearly felt the pain in her heart, "It was you who left without saying goodbye, and you who broke up with me first."
Yu Qingtang was stunned and realized the profound meaning of this sentence. He reluctantly said: "It's me. It's my fault. I'm afraid that I will be jealous, lose control, be unable to control myself, and hurt you. I want to protect you..."
"You can't." Jin Yan said.
If he would have done something to hurt her, he would not have kept silent and planned to disappear after discovering his feelings.
He is too rational.
He and others were celebrating her birthday and giving her gifts, saying the best wishes to her, but in his heart he was constantly doubting and denying himself, enduring endless punishment and suffering.
No one knows how he spent the few hours before disappearing, and how determined he was to stay away from her and not give him the chance to hurt her.
But time never lies.
His body was full of melancholy, his head was full of white hair, he was hesitant to speak, and he was at a loss as the best proof.
Yu Qingtang seemed to have had a beautiful dream. He couldn't believe it, "Baby, do you understand what I mean?"
Jin Yan: "You love me, don't you?"
Yu Qingtang: "..."
The three words that he had buried deep in his heart and did not dare to say out easily were spoken by Jin Yan like this?
Jin Yan: "Maybe there is someone else..."
"No, no one else, only you, only you." Yu Qingtang hurriedly explained.
Even though the reality was before his eyes, he still couldn't believe that Jin Yan could be so calm and rational.
It's simply worse than what he was back then.
Jin Yan: "Then what are you afraid of?"
Yu Qingtang looked at her, his eyes and tone were gentle, "Baby, it's true that I love you, but everyone loses control sometimes, and I can't be sure when I will do something excessive. I don't care about anything." For you who know this and are not yet an adult, that is a crime, do you understand?"
Jin Yan: "But I'm an adult now. I understand everything now. I also understand you. You won't lose control. You will only find excuses not to see me, making me wonder if you hate me, and asking me to take the initiative to stay away from you." , so it achieves the purpose of keeping distance, right?”
Yu Qingtang shook his head, and he raised his hand to touch Jin Yan's cheek, "No, how could I hate you? I can't bear to treat you like that. You don't understand anything. The fault is only mine, and I should be the only one responsible for the consequences." bear."
But now he knew that all the "injuries" suffered by Jin Yan originated from him.
All her unhappiness was because of him.
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