"Uncle Cha, please stop teasing me. It was an unintentional mistake. I'm in trouble now and I'm alone. You have to help me, Uncle Cha."
On the other end of the phone, the person who checked the household registration sighed and said: "I didn't help you, it was you who did this. I don't know what to do, do you understand? Can humans be the same as monkeys? They are fundamentally different! Your situation is like I converted a mobile phone battery into a car battery, is it difficult to find out? I have a guest here, so hang up first!"
I said anxiously: "If you don't help me! Give me back the 400,000 yuan!"
"Who said I won't help you? Boy, I was about to help you. What kind of friendship do we have?"
After the household check, he hurriedly said: "Now we can only wait until no one reacts to make amends. The Feng Shui atmosphere of the construction site has been messed up. If you don't believe me, take a compass and take a look. I guarantee that all the compass needles are inaccurate."
"Listen, do this."
"You find a piece of white cloth, dye it red with chicken blood, and tie it around the monkey's neck. After 12 o'clock tonight, dig out the body and cremate it overnight. In this way, the feng shui of that area will slowly stabilize. In two days, , the compass will also become normal."
"Is it so troublesome?"
"Uncle Cha, why don't I just put the monkey back and run away? I've looked over there and there's not a single surveillance camera for miles around. They definitely can't catch me!"
The household registration checker immediately objected and said: "A monk who can run away cannot run away from the temple! Just do as I say, don't take chances, and don't underestimate the Feng Shui master in the capital's boundaries. People can know your true identity by deducing the Sancai Gua." , did you run away?"
After hanging up the phone, I immediately started getting ready.
An hour later, he saw me coming back from outside with a live chicken in one hand and a bottle of beer in my other hand. He came over and asked, "What, are you having chicken tonight?"
Uncle Liu couldn't believe it, and neither could Yang Ju. After all, they all had their own plans. I only trust myself now.
"Yeah, Brother Yang, I'm going to prepare a pot of chicken soup for dinner tonight. Do you want to have a bowl?" I said with a smile.
He raised his head and took a sip of beer and wiped his mouth: "No need for the chicken soup. Let's go buy a watch sometime."
"The day after tomorrow! Let's go the day after tomorrow!" I said quickly.
His expression immediately darkened.
"Boy, the day before yesterday you said tomorrow, tomorrow you said the day after tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow you said the day after tomorrow. Do you not want to buy me a watch at all?"
"How is it possible, Brother Yang! I will definitely buy it for you!"
He pointed at me with a beer bottle and said in a cold voice: "Boy, you have to see the essence clearly. What you are buying is not a watch, what you are buying is your life! This is essentially a transaction! Do you understand? I'll give it to you again." If you don’t buy me a watch in two days, I will kill you.”
"Besides, don't even think about running away. If you dare to play tricks on me, I won't give you a second chance. I swear on the name of our ancestor's fallen leaf gun that I will kill you even if I chase you to the ends of the earth."
I smiled bitterly and said, "Brother Yang, it's just a watch, isn't it?"
"What's not going to happen?"
"You don't know how much I like that watch! When I go to bed at night, all I dream about is that watch!" He shouted at me with red eyes,
My face changed slightly and I promised that I would buy it the day after tomorrow, and then he gave up.
I have money in my card, but I don’t dare to go to the bank at all, and I don’t dare to swipe my card to make purchases, otherwise, it will be easy for the haters to find out. The money I got in the past two days is almost spent, and I only have a few dollars left in my body at the moment. It's a thousand yuan, how can I get more than one million to buy him a watch?
Now it's hard to get off the tiger. If you really comply with that sentence, disaster will come from your mouth.
I just said it casually, but the other party took it seriously! Now, we can only take one step at a time.
Following the household registration instructions, I tied a strip of cloth dyed red with chicken blood around the neck of the dead monkey, then stuffed the dead monkey into a box, and finally packed it in a snakeskin bag.
After doing this, I went under an overpass, where there was a shoe repairman.
"Brother, do you want to mend shoes?"
I whispered: "If you don't mend your shoes, you need to apply for a certificate."
The other party's expression condensed and he whispered: "The investigation has been strict recently, what kind of certificate do you want to apply for?"
"Cremation certificate." I said directly.
"Haha, you don't have a death certificate, do you?"
"Nonsense, I have proof, why should I ask you for it?"
"No problem, cremation certificate, right? Thirty-five yuan for ordinary ones, eighty-five yuan for exquisite ones, and one hundred for super imitations."
I frowned and thought about it, and said it would be super realistic.
He took a puff of cigarette and said: "In your case, to be on the safe side, I suggest you make a separate death certificate. I will have the official seal of the police station of the place of residence on the certificate engraved on the spot. This costs 70 yuan, a total of One hundred and seventy, this is our first time working together and we will give you a discount, so it counts as one hundred and fifty."
I quickly gave him the money and urged him to do it quickly.
Twenty years ago, people who applied for fake certificates under this kind of overpass would not ask questions. As long as they paid enough, they could do not just ordinary financial certificates, blind certificates, real estate certificates, divorce certificates, death certificates, etc., they could even do missile launch certificates. Made for you.
