But the voice that was about to come out was strangled in his throat.
No, she couldn't say that if she told him the truth about Shasha dropping out of school, there would never be anything between her and him.
He will definitely, definitely, run to Shasha instead of her without hesitation.
On a rainy night, a boy and a girl kissed each other in the darkness. Only when the lightning flashed before the thunder could you see the confusion in the boy's cold eyebrows and the girl's wide eyes, and the despair in them.
Han Zi blamed herself. She clearly remembered her thoughts at that time.
Why, why did she hide the truth about Shasha dropping out of school from Wenyan for those superficial desires?
What I thought was a big deal at the time, now seems like nothing more than that!
But that was who she was then, at that moment, her obsession with Wang Wenyan was so deep, so deep that she could never recover, so deep that she could hurt her best friend for him.
At that moment, she seemed to be possessed, so crazy, so crazy, so crazy.
Like a madman, she held back her desire to speak until her throat was sore and painful. After all, she did not speak, and she never spoke again.
She was like a madman, crazy and he was equally crazy, and did crazy things.
That is the story of two madmen. They went crazy because of the strong obsession in their hearts. But after many years, when thinking about everything in the past, it seems that they can no longer touch what that obsession was.
The once deep obsession seemed to be dissipated by something invisible and disappeared.
They didn't know what happened to them at that time, as if they were controlled by something. Looking back now, they can still feel the heart palpitations at that time.
The feeling of the heart beating crazily in panic is obviously so scary, but also so crazy.
That rainy night, everything between her and Wang Wenyan seemed to have started from that rainy night, that crazy rainy night.
The darkness and coldness, madness and gloom were deeply imprinted on her mind.
That night, they all seemed to be different people, as if they were controlled by something, and they were no longer their usual selves.
But what can control them?
The course they took was philosophy, and they had already taken it for three or four classes.
Professor Zheng once said that all philosophy is just human thoughts.
Just human thoughts.
What else could control them but their own thoughts.
But the obsession is too deep.
After that night, Han Zi could better imagine how desperate Chen Yusha felt at that time.
That gloomy rainy day, that abandoned factory, those eyes widening in despair, that stretched out scarred hand.
Why on earth, why didn't she save her, why did she escape.
Boundless guilt and despair enveloped her, and she seemed to have turned into Chen Yusha, and she seemed to realize what she felt at that time.
"Sasha..."
That night, he shouted in her ear.
It turns out that he still can't let go of Chen Yusha in his heart. It turns out that she is just Chen Yusha's substitute, or a tool for him to take revenge on Chen Yusha.
It turns out that even if all the mechanisms are exhausted, those who don't love her don't love her after all, and those who don't belong to her don't belong to her after all. Even if you can't ask for something, you still can't get it.
The Buddha said that there are seven sufferings in the human world: birth, old age, illness, and death, love and separation, resentment and hatred, and failure to seek.
Birth, old age, illness and death are unavoidable, but without love there is no separation, and without seeking nothing is impossible.
Professor Zheng once said that except for physical pain, all other pain is caused by thinking too much.
Does it mean that if you don’t want to, it won’t be so painful?
But the picture in my mind lingered, and the sound of "Sasha" lingered. This kind of mental pain was hundreds of times more painful than the physical pain.
She felt very tired.
In the past five years, she and Wang Wenyan were not as loving as others saw.
She always knew that Wang Wenyan came to her that rainy night just to accuse her. She also knew that everything he did to her that night was just to get revenge on Chen Yusha, so he didn't show any tenderness to her that night. .
So that night, her throat was so choked that it hurt.
Sasha, how desperate she was at that time.
And when she turned around and left, it was such a heavy blow to her.
Since then, she hasn't spoken to her again, and she hasn't even seen her again for so many years.
She couldn't face her.
Every time she was tender with Wang Wenyan, her face would appear in her mind. Those wide eyes, those eyes full of despair, seemed to be staring at her from the ceiling, staring at her coldly.
After that rainy night, he and Wang Wenyan did not get together. They really got together in the second semester of their senior year of high school.
Wang Wenyan suddenly found her that day.
"Be my girlfriend. I'm sorry for what happened before. I will be nice to you in the future." Wang Wenyan said.
What happened before was that rainy night.
Fortunately, she was not pregnant. If she had been, she would have had the same fate as Chen Yusha, and she would have had to drop out of school.
After spending more than a month in panic, she was relieved to see her aunt arrived as scheduled.
She couldn't stay in this city, she had to leave here. There were too many people here that she couldn't face.
She couldn't face Chen Yusha, and she couldn't face Wang Wenyan either.
For more than a year after that, Wang Wenyan was like a stranger to her, worse than before. He always avoided her.
She was sad for a moment, but she didn't know what to say to him, so she chose to shut up.
She thought he would never speak to her again, she thought he pretended that rainy night had never happened, but it turned out that he had always remembered it.
She stared at him blankly, as if she couldn't believe that he would actually say this to her.
Be my girlfriend, this is obviously what he will only say to Shasha...
Sure enough, he immediately put forward his conditions.
Wang Wenyan looked at her with sharp eyes and asked her coldly: "But you must tell me, whose child her child belongs to, and what happened?"
After calming down, he still refused to believe that Chen Yusha would betray their relationship.
A few months later, he ran to Chen Yusha's house and knocked on the door again, but there was a new family in the house. Chen Yusha's family had moved out.
The new homeowners didn't know where the family had moved. No one knew.
Han Zi thought about it, what did she tell him at that time?
She lied.
She lied, as if she had forgotten Shasha's desperate eyes, she lied.
Every time she thought about being able to be with him, she would do whatever it took to be with him, regardless of her conscience. Just a little, just a little more, just one more lie, and she could become his girlfriend and they would be together forever.
